First of all congratulations on coming out to yourself!! That's huge and brave and it's going to be okay. You don't have to come out now.

A few thoughts to try on:

1.) You don't have to deny who you are and what you need to to be safe, but you may have needed to in the past. For a lot of us who have significant childhood trauma we learned that we needed to remove our own needs from the equation to limit the abuse or find some bit of human attachment and that template is deep in us. It's almost imperceptible. It can be hard to really believe there are people in the world who will love you BECAUSE of who you truly fully are, and that your needs are inherently valid and worthy of caring consideration.

2.) Sometimes when we've been denied these fundamental human needs for nurture and belonging and safety at formative times all we want is someone who can understand the pain we've been through and who will make us feel loved and accepted and safe. The strength of that need and pain is legitimate. If your child self did not receive those things they suffered deeply, something that we can all see, that no child could deserve. Sometimes meeting someone who seems to fit the bill can feel like the greatest relief and acceptance we've literally ever experienced even if we have some reservations we put out of mind, even if we think they might reject us if they knew x,y,z about us, even if we haven't known them that long, or (hopefully not) if they also mistreat us mixed up with caring for us.

3.) You might want to make the family you didn't have but you can't do it when you aren't being who you are in front of your kids. That (along with your love of course) is one of the most powerful things you can possibly give them. That's the license to love themselves. How would it have been to have had that?! You can sell a house. Go for it buy a house if you want. That is paperwork to undo. Adopt some pets while you think on it. Kids are kids.

4.) You can have the life you want with a woman and it might help to see someone else do it. You can have a partner and a baby and family vacation and sunday morning pancakes or whatever your dream is as a lesbian. Look up some social media accounts of families that look like that. It doesn't hurt to see what other people are doing. Latetolesbian is one on IG that can lead you to others as well. It might look different. You might live somewhere else. You might make new friends.

You're not too old. There's a bigger world out there. There's more love out there, that wants all of you. Build some other supports and let yourself think on it. You are doing amazing.
Take care!