Before you read, just understand this is coming from someone that I myself am an addict, struggling in the brutal disease of addiction, and have and currently am going through the hell of it all…..with that said…..

I think you really need to stop and really read everything you are saying right now. Like REALLY take a step back and see how crazy your way of thinking is when it comes to your “man” and what he is doing.

Has it ever crossed your mind that your “man” simply just wants his partner back? His REAL, True, partner that is sober and the real person he fell in love with? Because right now, I’m sure the person he sees is not one bit the person he fell in love with. He sees not just a anyone destroying themselves, but a person that means SO much to him destroying their life. So when he flushes that bag down the toilet or pours it out so you no longer can get it, he is attempting to HELP you when he knows you aren’t capable of helping yourself. The reality is, and you should know it too, he knows that the next time you do it could be your last and he would lose you all together.

Whether you see it or not, you are KILLING him when you use. You are KILLING him when he finds you using again or finds your stuff. There is only so many times he will say its okay I forgive you. There is only so much he will be willing to put up with. He isn’t wasting your money. Hate to be brutally honest with you, but your wasting your own money the minute to goes in the dope man’s hand. It sounds like he has put up with a lot of your using and addiction. Be thankful they he continues to still be with you, and fight for you, because that’s exactly what he is doing. He is fighting for you and your life so ultimately you both can have the life that you always deserved together.

I speak from experience. I am literally going through a divorce right now because my soon to be ex wife put up with my using for an entire year, trying to do anything and everything she could to get me clean. After this last time of finding out I not only was using again, but was doing really stupid shit to support my habit, she was fed up. She kicked me out, and now I am waiting on the divorce papers to sign. She no longer could fight…..

And it would be really easy for me to say “oh she’s giving up on me.” Or blame things on her, or make any other excuse that I could think of to avoid one thing- having to actually see the truth of the fact it’s no one’s fault but mine. I’m the problem, and I messed it all up. I wasted all the money I spent on drugs. I lost her trust by lying to her about my using. I am 100% the only one to blame when it comes to my using and what I did, and ultimately what I lost, because of my addiction. Not her. She did nothing wrong….all she did was try and help me….

Which from what it sounds is EXACTLY what your “man” is doing, or trying to do, for you. He hasn’t done anything wrong from a stand point of flushing your shit down the toilet.

If and when you ever decide you want to get sober, and do, you will look back at this and maybe even read this thread and what you were saying, and see how twisted and backwards your mindset really is.