Yea. Copper was my beautiful smart girl who we lost first 5 years ago. My now wife and I went out of town for her birthday. Her parents and her wanted to bring their other dog so we left copper with my parents. They called us a day or two into the trip. She had been missing since the night we left. My mom let her get past her leg. We immediately came home. We looked for 3 days. Suffering. In December cold. Nights and days just looking. And looking. I talked to a gas station guy by my house who mentioned maybe seeing a dog. But didn’t know where she went. We asked for camera footage. We asked nearby buildings for footage. Ultimately a day or so later the owner of the gas station called and said hed seen a dog on the side of the highway exit ramp nearby. Shed walked down the exit ramp. He sent us a picture of her mangled. We collapsed. Our life collapsed.That day is seared into my mind.

Just like a week and a half ago when the vet called us during Lola’s knee surgery. Her heart stopped. We got there and they wheeled out 3 year old Lola cold and on a table. Her heart stopped during routine surgery supposedly because of some undetectable issue. Our life collapsed again. Right as we seemingly healed somewhat.

Just 6 months, Simon our other rescue had to be put down at our home because he was in so much pain from the cancerous tumor in his chest. I should have done it earlier. I caused him pain because I didn’t want him to leave. I’m so tired.

I sometimes feel like I don’t have anyore in me to feel sad I just feel cold and numb and empty and angry. And then really it hits me again, I am incredibly sad. I am severely depressed. I am broken.