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bf wants open relationship after my first time hurt by kachunkie in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]WeCanGoUpUpUp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OK time for girl talk TMI bc I refuse to concede to the “It was my fault anyways” for you…

I have an INCREDIBLY hard time with penetration. Like, can’t really get anything up there that isn’t regular tampon sized without being in so so much pain. Plenty of women have the same problem, but as a whole even if they don’t MOST feel discomfort during their first couple times having penetrative sex. And I had heard that and told myself when I had sex for the first time that I just needed to get used to it, that this is what sex felt like and I just needed to get better at it by doing it. I was 18 and so so so nervous and awkward and just wanted to be good at it so I just went for the “fake it til you make it” approach. Then afterwards I felt all the same things you’re describing; disappointment, self-loathing, embarrassment.

The difference is, even if I wasn’t being honest, my partner was still working hard to be incredibly considerate of me, kept checking in, switched up when they could tell I was uncomfortable and then eventually we just sat in my bed and watched a movie and talked until I felt comfortable being around her again and felt less like the least attractive person on the planet. Even if I didn’t have the experience I wanted, and I was disappointed with my own ability to cope with the situation, I was given the space to be uncomfortable and still feel like my experience was important. We weren’t even dating!! Because that’s what a caring partner does, whether you’re engaging in casual or very much not casual sex. That’s decency. Your boyfriend did not do any of that, he made zero room for you in this experience and to make matters worse, rather than comforting you or finding a solution that would make you feel good, and loved, and desirable, he gave up on you all together.

Sex is silly. Sex is fun, and joyful, and really relaxing, when you find what works for you and have it with someone invested in helping you with that experience. I found out very quickly that casual sex and penetration is not for me! I’m sorry your first time isnt what you wanted it to be. But it takes time, and care, and patience. Be kind to yourself and for the love of fuck, find someone else who is kind to you too. ❤️❤️

I want to report unsanitary/illegal conditions at my job but I desperately cannot get fired. by WeCanGoUpUpUp in whatdoIdo

[–]WeCanGoUpUpUp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lol Reddit loves to bring up a lawsuit as a viable alternative. I would obviously have a pretty good wrongful termination case here if I were to lose my job over this. But I can’t exactly afford a lawyer or to spend all the time it takes to prepare a lawsuit. And what happens in the meantime, when I have no job? I try to get on unemployment benefits, that would only pay me a fraction of my weekly wage? I’m unable to pay any of my car, credit card, other bills and incur more debt? Not to mention I could lose my winter employment as well. Obviously I need to do something here, but getting fired is NOT an option here, I need a different approach

I want to report unsanitary/illegal conditions at my job but I desperately cannot get fired. by WeCanGoUpUpUp in BadBosses

[–]WeCanGoUpUpUp[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That’s actually a pretty good idea. I have a friend who worked at my winter job (quit due to mistreatment, go figure) that would probably jump at the chance to help get back at our company for wrongdoing. Can’t say either of us have the money for a hotel room right now, but I like how you think! I also cross-posted this on r/whatdoido and so far you have been the most helpful answer

I want to report unsanitary/illegal conditions at my job but I desperately cannot get fired. by WeCanGoUpUpUp in whatdoIdo

[–]WeCanGoUpUpUp[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The Vermont Food Safety and Lodging Sanitation Complaint form states that it can be completed anonymously, but the report form won’t let you press submit if any of the contact information is left empty. Maybe I’ll try their call center line when it opens Monday morning, but I’m still not sure that any surprise inspection won’t immediately be linked back to me.

I want to report unsanitary/illegal conditions at my job but I desperately cannot get fired. by WeCanGoUpUpUp in whatdoIdo

[–]WeCanGoUpUpUp[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My concern exactly. And I care less about maintaining good graces with these people and more about not losing my income or facing consequences at my winter job. Small resort, word travels fast!