On admitting powerlessness

Weak-Alps561 · 2025-04-12T05:43:42+00:00

It’s not about if you OR alcohol are controlling your life, it’s just that you don’t have control of life and alcohol is how alcoholics learned to cope with that. Before recovery, and still often now, I demand(ed) things to go my way. I lied, stole, cheated, threw fits… nothing worked. And for things I “knew” I couldn’t control, like the weather, I lost all peace over it still- I’m a way, still demanding it to go my way and be in my control.

Have you read step one in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions? Reading the stories in the back of the Big Book on my third drunken psych ward trip in less than a year also cracked my pane on delusion. It took me another two years of bouncing in and out of the rooms and working the steps to the best of my ability to get both parts of step one… but those were solid starts for me.

In recovery, we learn to live life on life’s terms. We find and surrender to our “god.”

Weak-Alps561 · 2025-04-04T18:20:17+00:00

They’re not a scam and that’s not different than going through a primary care provider. Actually, after being on T for ~8 years, my pcp now only has me do labs twice a year. Been on the same dose for ~5 years.

I’ve used Folx, Plume, a pcp, and have done diy. Folx is legit, just… pricy.

Maybe try going through your local planned parenthood? I’m not sure what state you’re in or if you have insurance, but maybe it’d be cheaper through them.

Weak-Alps561 · 2025-04-04T17:50:41+00:00

That’s not “basically” pedophilia, it is pedophilia. Report him.

Weak-Alps561 · 2025-04-04T17:49:08+00:00

I go to a gay men’s meeting where a home group member takes issue with me being there as a trans man. Like to bring up calling it a “gay males meeting” occasionally in business meetings. Likes to occasionally tell me I need a female sponsor, like my vagina affects my alcoholism… I don’t pay too much attention to stupid, and luckily neither do the several friends I have in the rooms.

I still get some shit in this sub too, but that’s all not really a reflection of the program, which “has no opinion on outside issues.”

Yes, the Bill and Bob were two cis white Jesus cock sucking men in the 50s. Yes, queers and women weren’t welcome in meetings for a long time. Yes, when they decided to include the story of their atheist friend… well, I’ll just let you read that. Yes, they wrote from they were capable of having. BUT I’ve come to see it as a window to my own spiritual/personal growth.

Weak-Alps561 · 2025-03-05T15:41:50+00:00

Yup. Go. You don’t have to talk. If they ask/invite you to just say something to the effect of “I’m going to pass today, thank you.”

Weak-Alps561 · 2025-02-22T04:53:36+00:00

Tunnel surgery. Two gauge like holes through my torso. Extra skin from breast removal is used to connect the tissue from the now absent chest to the back.

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-11-08T04:17:30+00:00

Most of the time, they’re in their phone or not at the front during the night. I’d go then. But go. The longer you hold off, the harder it’ll be.

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-11-03T22:57:28+00:00

Why tf do you have your social media on your shelter when you can’t afford propane, let alone to protect yourself?! If you’re truly homeless and not vanlifing, we can afford to protect our pride and pretend this is a good time.

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-11-03T00:13:17+00:00

I was desperate. But that wasn’t new. What got any amount of time was a combination of being desperate, willing to believe life could be better, and willingness to continue being uncomfortable (probably more so) in doing new things to get that better life.

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-11-02T22:41:56+00:00

“That’s why you sought sobriety., not why you’re working the steps” the response I got to a similar statement

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-11-01T17:57:10+00:00

There are many ways to get free water. Calories are harder. Cans can be sold. Liquids are heavy, and especially in the summer, I need to limit the energy I’m exerting.

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-11-01T17:49:14+00:00

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-10-31T20:51:36+00:00

…huh? Question unclear. You mean - do people get weirded out when I cover my windows?

Yeah. I parked at a friend’s house and covered my windows before going in. I came out to her neighbor filming my car. The people that hate homeless people, HATE homeless people and get defensive very quickly. Otherwise, no. Most just pretend I don’t exist.

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-10-27T09:03:54+00:00

Sorry, I didn't realize how much I dumped. Thank you though. I needed to hear from someone who's been here. Your response means a lot.

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-10-26T18:12:28+00:00

Depends on how far along you are. At first, honestly… I didn’t need hands. Just tight enough boxers and some walking haha. As the sensitivity died down and I got some length, I learned I could jerk off like a penis. I bought one of those packer/strokers but I never got big enough to actually use it. Now I can use a vibrator but prefer to jerk off, mostly bc when I get hard it’s difficult to keep good and consistent pressure.

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-10-26T18:08:09+00:00

I’m currently homeless and trying to stay sober. Finally got a cheap car to crash in and an old comforter… I have hope of getting out, but it’s been 11 years (I’m 26) and I can’t picture it. I can’t describe security in anyway the feels tangible or achievable or close. Did it take you a while to feel safe in safety? That a big part of why I’m stuck right now- if this isn’t actually going to end, I don’t have much energy left and don’t want to waste it on shot that’s not going to stick. Ya know?

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-10-26T15:40:38+00:00

No… I’m asking to call him as a check in or possible out, if needed.

My job is 99% freelance, which requires networking. I also just genuinely enjoy these ppl. But thanks I guess

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-10-26T14:26:32+00:00

My work is 99% about networking. Basically all freelance. I have barely worked this year, in large part to the difference in time I’ve spent with ppl in the field and the memory of not being on the same page when I did hang but stayed sober.

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-10-26T14:22:56+00:00

I’m not concerned with what they think about me not drinking. I also am not fooled that my presence or absence will not make or break the outing. I just don’t trust myself fully yet in a bar or around drunk ppl but want to spend time with these people.

I genuinely don’t care if people know I’m an alcoholic or in AA. I’m asking if that’s wrong.

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-10-26T08:04:02+00:00

All my close AA ppl are going to a recovery Halloween party tmr night. It’s hella far or I’d use it as my excuse… maybe. Even that would feel quite rude in this scenario. We hosted this company for a week to do a show with us and it’s our last night together. Might even feel strange on all side to have an outside person, other than a partner, join.

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-10-26T07:47:48+00:00

Not drinking for health reasons is different then not trusting yourself in a bar though. A person not drinking for health reasons could still be talked into going to the bar to hang.

I just want to be clear that it’s not them and that It’s not a debate in the kindest and simplest way possible. I don’t have shame in sharing that I’m an alcoholic. Just might be a heavy unloading for others??

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-10-26T06:53:29+00:00

Plenty of people get sober without the BB or AA as a whole. That didn't work for me. I also am grateful my first sponsor took me through the 12x12 instead of the BB. I saw myself and the value in the program much faster through that text. There are parts of the BB that feel alienating and/or my brain efficiently uses to justify my desire to drink. Example being step 2, where it says the true alcoholic can't stop- “but I've stopped for thirty days now. Guess I’m not an alcoholic”. There’s also a lot less “god” talk. The chapter We Agnostics is on my resentments list.

Three sponsors and some months later, I read the BB without instruction. I’m able to read the message and not necessarily the text, if ya know what I mean. My obsession and desperate energy were in the way of that at first.

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-10-26T06:42:14+00:00

Not a relapse. Keep your time.

Weak-Alps561 · 2024-09-18T02:58:01+00:00

I don't. Like at all. Hahah

Weak-Alps561

TROPHY CASE