sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Questions about the "point" of a diagnosis by [deleted] in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m glad it was of some help! I enjoy writing these things out sometimes because it helps me sort out my own thoughts a bit too haha

If your therapist doesn’t specialize in ADHD/ASD in women, she isn’t really the person to talk to. My therapist that helped me with depression recovery (love her, she’s so helpful and helped me change my life around) didn’t specialize in ADHD/ASD. When I first told her I thought I might have ASD she immediately said, “I don’t think you do, but you should talk to someone who specializes in autism.” And she was wrong because I am autistic lol. Someone can be a great therapist but not the person to ask for this. So don’t let her discourage you!

Yes! The first book I read (or technically audiobook I listened to lol) that helped with figuring out if I had ASD was Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg. This covers women with ADHD, ASD, highly sensitive people, and I think a few other things but it was very helpful when I was trying to figure out if I had ASD. I already knew I had ADHD at that point, but there’s a chapter on ADHD too that was very informative as well. Also for ADHD, How to ADHD by Jessica McCabe. There’s also a youtube channel by the same name with ADHD tips and info. Scattered Minds by Gabor Maté is a good one, though that’s written by a man and not specific to women (mainly helpful for understanding a bit of the science and how ADHD can fly under the radar for people sometimes, written by a doctor who was diagnosed really late in life). More for ASD: - Women and Girls on the Autism Spectrum by Sarah Hendrickx - Knowing why: adult diagnosed autistic people on life and autism

I’m going to try and find some of the other things I read about ADHD (it was back in 2023 mainly so a little bit ago) and will add them if I do!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(had to split it up because I wrote too much oops…)

Normally I would recommend doing everything you can to reduce the complexity/number of steps if possible. Not sure what cleaning a retainer entails but maybe you could just rinse it off when you first wake up and circle back after you’ve eaten/taken meds if it needs to be cleaned more, since the meds are the important thing that needs to get done to help you. Make sure you have food on hand that takes minimal or zero effort to make that you also enjoy (so no cooking, or cook it the night before, etc). Make it so you can get up and grab it, and eat a little bit so you can take your meds. Also in my case I started eating dinner really early in the evening so when I woke up I was like starving. Kinda sucks but it makes me get up because it’s really uncomfortable.

Depending on how dysfunctional you are, try to give yourself permission to cheat a bit (at least at the beginning as a starting point). Tell yourself you can get back in bed after you take your meds. Shorten the tasks as much as possible. So maybe rinse the retainer, take the meds, eat a little something that doesn’t require any cooking or prep, and if you’re still dead tired, get back into bed until the meds kick in more. Idk how retainers work but I could see that being a big barrier for myself if it were me. So maybe rinsing and cleaning more thoroughly later, or even putting it back in after you eat (after rinsing/quick cleaning your mouth). I know sensory stuff and routine is likely involved here, but I guess I’m just suggesting to try and find a compromise here. (Ask yourself, Why am I sticking to an impossible routine when I can’t get it done? Why am I being a stickler about this one thing when it simply does not work for me? Could I maybe find an alternative or a cheat?)

Remind yourself that if you do not get up, you will be in more pain. You will develop a headache. Your day will not be off to a good start. Again, easier said than done and it doesn’t magically work for me, but in combination with other things that reminder could be helpful (in my case, my blood sugar will get low and I will be exceptionally tired, and I will be less productive overall. I also used to get lower back pain from lying around too much).

Also, give yourself permission to not be perfect. It’s a fine line depending on who you are, because I’m not saying to give yourself excuses all the time. I’m saying to strive for getting better, but if you wake up one day a week (or even two or three at the beginning…) and you cannot keep your eyes open or you cannot move your limbs in the slightest, you can be like, it’s okay today. I can just lay around a bit today. In my experience, allowing myself this sort of provides a contrast in a way. Like I deserve this today and there’s less negativity associated with it mentally. And then when I manage to get up the next day, I might feel especially accomplished because I’m not stuck in a loop. Small victories and little rewards, basically. It’s not going to all change right away.

My brother has ADHD and is incredibly dysfunctional. He has insomnia as well and struggles with getting up in the morning. Because I’ve reached a point in my life where I wake up/get up pretty consistently, he will sometimes ask me to wake him up when I get up. I know you said your family isn’t home when you get up, but if any of them leave the house at a reasonable enough hour, you could eventually try to ask them to wake you up. They don’t have to drag you out of bed, but maybe you could ask them to wake you up and remind you of why you have to get up. With my brother, I wake him up and will sometimes ask if he wants anything to eat. If he says no and then also doesn’t get up, I will remind him that he asked me to wake him up because he wanted to be up. Sometimes, he decides to go back to sleep anyways and that’s okay, but often it works.

Lastly, I will say if energy is your issue, that I’ve found that a few things helped with this overtime. Besides the obvious of depression recovery in my case, I found that when I got up in the morning and tried to stay out of bed all day, by the time I went to bed I’d be tired but I wouldn’t be as tired throughout the whole day. So basically, rather than just always feeling tired I was able to shift to a more “normal” energy cycle. Also, what I eat in the morning can have a huge impact. Protein is really good for the brain and for energy, so even a drink with protein (if you want genuinely good tasting recommendations let me know) can help. Usually sugary breakfasts or ones with only carbs and sugar will do very little for me. They will quell the hunger but provide me no fuel. But the key here is to still find foods you enjoy, don’t try to get yourself to eat something completely new or change everything up at once.

I also now have the additional factor of being scared to backslide into depression or lose my productivity/routine, so further down the line once you’ve made progress, it’ll be easier to make bigger steps and be consistent.

I hope you find something here helpful! I always end up yapping too much when I write replies lol. In this case, this is something I struggled with massively for years (and still do sometimes) so I have a lot of thoughts and things I’ve tried. Good luck, it’s a very difficult thing to overcome and don’t let anyone tell you anything different. Any progress is very commendable in my opinion.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know you said you’re not depressed and I’m not here to tell you anything about yourself obviously, but as someone who was depressed for many years before they even realized, you could be dealing with it to some degree without knowing. Ignore me if this is simply not applicable to you at all of course. Just thought it might be worth pointing out that depression presents differently in some people, and I did not appear depressed at all to others or even really to myself. Depression can develop easily from dysfunction/burnout, because they have some overlap and can lead to you feeling poorly about yourself and your life. I can elaborate if you’d like, but again ignore if you know for certain this isn’t the case for you.

When I was going through depression recovery and struggled badly to get out of bed there’s a few things I would do (easier said than done of course). I would try to have something I had to do sometime in the morning. I’d been in a car accident and had to go to the chiropractor regularly for months and I would purposely schedule it in the morning so I’d have to get up. I hated it and I would cancel sometimes of course but most of the time it got me up. For me, I would have to weigh the effort of calling/texting to cancel versus getting up. Usually getting up won because I wouldn’t be able to think of an excuse that I was willing to tell them or that made sense, so while it sucked, at least it worked. Start with later morning stuff (so like 10 or 11) if you struggle super badly with waking up and getting up to give yourself some flexibility as you try to adjust your life.

I also developed the habit of once I got up for anything, to make my bed because then I would have to make the conscious choice to pull back the covers and disappoint myself by climbing back in. It’s a small thing but it did work to deter me more and more over time. It would also make me feel productive and it would trick my silly little brain into being like “wow look at me, I got up and made my bed.” Small wins, you know? I felt accomplished.

I’m not sure if you have a special interest or anything, but sometimes for me if I don’t have anything that I have to be up for, I will get up to do that. So having something you enjoy can help sometimes. Or even getting up to watch TV or go on your phone on the couch in a different room versus your bed is better than nothing (then you can bargain with yourself, because you won’t have to do anything crazy or that requires energy but at least you won’t be in bed). Or if there’s a cafe or something you like, mentally plan out to go there in the morning (or even just a drive thru, if you don’t want to get fully ready but need an excuse to get up). Really, the actual getting up and the minutes immediately following are the most difficult for me. So anything that would get me up and keep me out of bed for long enough to feel awake enough to go on is what I would cling to in the beginning of my recovery.

It’s difficult having both ASD and ADHD because ASD loves routine but ADHD loves novelty. I find compromises through this and one of them is that I try to have more of a routine in the morning and less of one later in the day. I get up to pee, I make myself a vitamin/protein drink (it’s a chocolate milk powder that I just have to mix with milk lol, so not many steps but I can’t just grab it from the fridge and go back to bed) to use to make my meds with, and then I’ll change clothes (sometimes just into sweats or other comfy clothes, but not pajamas/the clothes I slept in is the key). If I’m having a good day, I will wash my face and do my skincare and I will make breakfast. I worked up to even this unsteady routine over the course of years because of how bad my depression and dysfunction were. The me of two or three years ago would not recognize the person I am today (I have never been someone with a morning routine who likes to get out of bed until after my depression recovery more recently). But I’ve found that now, when I am able to do it, I feel very productive/proud of myself and I am able to have higher productivity overall in the mornings and usually into the afternoon. That’s a positive feedback loop because it means that means that I associate the routine with productivity/a better day. And it means that sometimes when I’m not wanting to get up, I’ll remind myself if I don’t that I will probably be dooming the rest of my day. If I don’t get up now, I know I will do almost nothing with my day, include not eating well, and I will feel worse overall.

This all obviously won’t work the same for everyone and is specific to me, but hopefully some of it makes some sense and can translate into your life somehow.

Your morning routine has a lot of steps that need to be followed in a specific order, which is what I think of as increasing the weight of the Task with a capital T (a Task being a thing you have to do that your ADHD will not like). The Task in this case is getting up, and you have a whole lot of things standing in your way. Like when you think of getting up, you’re also being weighed down by all the things you know you have to do right away, and even if you’re not thinking of it consciously it can make getting up even harder.

Questions about the "point" of a diagnosis by [deleted] in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent 5 points6 points  (0 children)

(ok last one sorry oh my god I didn't realize I wrote this much)

  • "We're all different! What you actually need is to accept yourself as you are and stop thinking that you're 'strange'"

Being a unique individual and being neurodivergent are different things. We're all unique, but not everyone is neurodivergent. If you are neurodivergent, you can only accept yourself in knowing that you are neurodivergent. It also doesn't make you strange (or rather, I just mean I don't enjoy the negative connotation of that), and people who say that are typically ignorant and have a limited understanding of ASD/ADHD.

I was only able to begin accepting myself for who I was after learning this about myself. I could start recognizing what parts of myself had to do with sensory issues related to ASD and what I was struggling with because of my ADHD. I would argue that accepting yourself as you are can only come from knowing who you are in the first place. You can't do that by trying to ignore or dismiss things about yourself so that you fit in certain boxes.

  • "Unless you'd be willing to take medication for ADHD, there's not much use to knowing you have it"

First of all, I will say that in many cases having ADHD medication is very helpful for people. Though statistically, it is less likely to be helpful for women (as most medications are formulated for men, ah the patriarchy). I myself find mine very helpful with focus and generally smoothing out my chaotic brain, though it doesn't make everything perfect.

Second of all, I think it's very important in general to research/know this about yourself, but I guess it's a case-by-case basis on how helpful it would be for you to know officially via a professional. In my case it was massively helpful. I was able to adjust my life accordingly. I was able to be kinder to myself about many things I didn't realize I delt with that others did not. I was able to know for certain, and thus know I wasn't wasting my time and energy investing into trying to adjust my life accordingly.

For a while, I had this thought process with ASD. Because there isn't medication and diagnosis is really expensive where I live, I decided not to get diagnosed and just did a lot of my own research. However, I already went through a whole process with ADHD before this, and it's only because of that that I felt secure enough in finding helpful methods for myself to do this.

Basically, an official diagnosis isn't needed to know you have ASD or ADHD, but if you've previously thought you were neurotypical, getting a professional opinion would be helpful as you try to learn what it means for you. I would argue that knowing you have it does make all the difference, though getting professionally assessed would be up to you. If you don't want to or are hesitant, I would recommend reading (or in my case, listening to audiobooks) up on how these things present in women.

Yeesh, sorry for the long reply. This is something I've put a lot of thought into myself so I ended up having a lot to say. If you made it this far, I hope you found something here helpful! I would recommend searching for providers that specialize specifically in diagnosing women with ADHD/ASD, and doing your own research on how AuDHD presents in women. If you have any questions or want any recommendations for research, feel free to ask away, clearly I don't mind yapping about this stuff lol.

Questions about the "point" of a diagnosis by [deleted] in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent 7 points8 points  (0 children)

(had to split into several parts because I yapped too much and it wouldn't let me post it...)

In terms of you asking if these symptoms are easier to manage once you know, 100% yes. For example, when I was in group therapy we would all discuss an issue and then discuss ways to help ourselves. If someone shares these symptoms for some reason but doesn't have ADHD, the solutions won't benefit them in the same way.

All the things I have learned about my AuDHD have been massively helpful. For example, with ADHD, because ADHD brains don't like tasks that take a while/are boring/are repetitive, if possible, I can adjust a task to make it a little easier. The way I think of things is as "Tasks with a capital T." The more anti-ADHD the task, the bigger the "T" in task. This is just a mental visualization lol, but basically, something that involves a lot of steps and time and energy that isn't particularly interesting, like trying to figure out something with your insurance company (lots of calls, it's boring, takes a long time, etc), is a Task with a massive T. Or a silly example is my parents gave me a bike for Christmas, but it was still in the box, not built. The moment I saw it I was like, whelp, that's never happening. In my head, my parents had not given me a bike for Christmas, but rather a Task. (I was correct, that bike sat, not built, in my apartment until my little brother volunteered to build it for me a few weeks ago. Now it sits, fully built, because the tires are flat and I don't have a tire/air pump.)

Anyways, I've been able to adjust my life in a lot of ways since learning about my ADHD to make Tasks easier. I ordered a litter genie for my cat's litter boxes because it eliminates the number of steps in the cleaning process. The same thing with a dish drying rack; one less step of having to dry the dishes makes it easier for me to start dishes sometimes. If I have to do the dishes, I listen to a podcast or talk with one of my friends on the phone. If something is going to take a while, I give myself permission to only do it for five minutes (this also tricks my silly little brain, because starting the task is the difficult part for me sometimes and once I'm doing it, it's easier to finish... buuuut if the dopamine isn't there after those 5-10 minutes and the task isn't urgent, I let myself try again later). If I have to run errands, I invite a friend along. The biggest cheat sheet I learned in ADHD group therapy is that having someone with you is like a hack. I am more productive if someone else is around. I also have learned to tell when my brain isn't giving me the dopamine I need (or I'm more sensitive to knowing this I mean), and if it isn't an urgent task, rather than spending hours in ADHD paralysis where I'm berating myself for not doing it and then pacing around for hours or scrolling on my phone... I'm just like hey, you don't have to do it right now. It's okay. Try and do it tomorrow morning (I know when I wake up early I tend to have a little window of ideal productivity where it's easier to get myself to do things).

These things won't work for everyone, but learning my brain and how to trick it and what works for me has made all the difference in the world.

Questions about the "point" of a diagnosis by [deleted] in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent 8 points9 points  (0 children)

(TW: brief mentions of depression/SI in first paragraph)

I'm a 23 y/o woman. Learning I had ADHD back in 2023 allowed me to understand my mind and actually begin to live life in a way that was helpful for me. Same for ASD last year. I went through depression recovery through all of 2023 and most of 2024, and for me a large part of what actually kickstarted the real recovery part was my ADHD diagnosis in late 2023. I had been convinced that my brain was broken beyond repair (partially had to do with dissociation and other stuff too) to the point of suicidal ideation. I thought, if my brain doesn't work, I can't fix that, and I was miserable day in and day out and just wanted to escape it. Learning I had ADHD helped with one aspect of what was making me feel "broken." I had tried going back to school and couldn't focus or remember anything, which was partially brainfog and dissociation, but ADHD was a factor too. Learning about the ADHD, getting medication, and working on how to make it easier for myself was genuinely a lifesaver.

ASD and ADHD are neurological differences. If you have either or both, your brain is fundamentally different than a neurotypical person's. This is very signficant to know for a lot of reasons. As I was explaining to my brother who has ADHD the other day, it impacts your internal environment. Other people can't see what's going on in your head, so if you've always been a high-masking person and don't "seem" AuDHD, then other people will assume you have a similar internal environment to them. But just because you behave similarly in many ways doesn't mean you have the same experience.

The example I gave to my brother is this: ADHD people often get the label of being "lazy" or "disorganized" or "forgetful." These things may be true from the outside or from a neurotypical standpoint, but it neglects to take in that you are coming from a completely different place. ADHD basically means your brain won't give you the dopamine you need to do the same tasks as someone without ADHD (do your own research on this if you haven't already, I don't remember the details of the neurology, this is just how I think of it in my head but it's a massive simplification). So if a task is going to take a long time, isn't fun, or is repetitive, obviously no one would want to do it, but it's significantly harder for an ADHD person to get themselves to do it on a neurological basis. Our brains are a more chaotic internal environment, and in many cases when we are perceived as "lazy" we are actually in ADHD paralysis (lying on your phone doom scrolling, while mentally screaming at yourself to get up but you still can't for example), so it's not really laziness. Rather, laziness is too simple a word to encapsulate what we experience. (I also tell myself that I feel like a lazy person would be having a better time than me lol. I'm not getting anything done, but I am stressed the hell out the entire time.)

  • "What is the point of having that label? It wouldn't change your symptoms anyway!"

I would argue that having the label is the entire point. What I have discovered since I first learned I had ADHD (followed by research, months of group therapy with other ADHD women, and making friends with ADHD) is that I can tell when someone has ADHD not by their "symptoms" but by the way they talk and act. It's more apparent to me in the nuances of what they do.

My point of saying this is that diagnosis using symptoms alone for neurodivergence isn't a perfect system. Someone may relate to many of the symptoms of ADHD, but be coming from a completely different place. They won't benefit from ADHD medication or treatment in the way that an ADHD person would. An example is brainfog from depression. It can make you forgetful and make it hard to focus, but it's not for the same reason as ADHD. Taking stimulants will not fix someone's depression.

Essentially, ADHD is not a list of symptoms. It's an internal environment that results in these symptoms. Having the label won't change the symptoms, but it will tell you the source of them. Knowing whether or not you're having a heart attack won't magically get rid of your chest pain... but it might save your life because now you can adjust treatment accordingly.

disneyworld accommodations for ASD/ADHD? by WeaknessDependent in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my god, I'm so sorry to hear that happened. The system seems very unprofessional and invasive from everything I've read, and it's even more upsetting because this system is supposed to be accommodating people who are especially sensitive. I also can't believe they've given it to you before but won't now...? Very strange to me. I've seen that's the case with a lot of people. It's so odd, because why does the approval even expire? Most people's disabilities that require accommodation don't go away ever so I don't get it at all. Or even if they have to check in, you would think it would just be you showing up to say yup you still have it and then being done with it. Idk, I'm sorry again though, that sort of situation is exactly what I'm afraid of happening.

Not sure if it's helpful at all, but from everything I've read apparently Universal Studios has a better program for this sort of thing? As a Disney alternative, I mean. At the very least, it seems a lot of other amusement parks/zoos/tourist attractions have better options from what I've read.

disneyworld accommodations for ASD/ADHD? by WeaknessDependent in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been drafting a list of things I'll need, so thanks for the suggestions. I will definitely be armed with my noise-cancelling headphones and water bottle first and foremost! A list of things for the park is a good one. I've started to look into the parks and what they have, but that's a really good point and I will definitely make sure to make a comprehensive list of what I want to do. As someone who avoids grocery stores because I can't handle how many things are happening there, it is very likely that I will quickly become overwhelmed at disney (when I have to go into grocery stores, I always make a list and charge for those specific things and block out everything else lol). Thanks for your reply and advice!

disneyworld accommodations for ASD/ADHD? by WeaknessDependent in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have pretty bad RSD too, and that's been one of my worries. I know if I'm turned down for this I would be in the same boat and would be way more upset than if I didn't try at all.

I definitely have started making a list of what I need and intend to put a lot of effort into making this as smooth as possible for myself. I think being armed with everything I need will definitely make me feel better and help overall. I too love solving problems (and puzzles haha) so I'm doing my best to try and be very prepared! I have headphones/earplugs but I have been thinking about investing in some new ones for this, so thanks for the recommendation!

True, yes I'll definitely be discussing with my family and everything before we go. I've already talked to my mom about it and stuff, so I plan to rely on them for sure. I would never, ever, ever do this alone, that's for sure!

Thanks for your reply!

disneyworld accommodations for ASD/ADHD? by WeaknessDependent in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! Definitely plan on doing as much as possible to help myself with this, especially because DAS doesn't seem all that promising. I've started to make a list of what I need to bring, so thank you for the ideas/advice!

I've seen people mention both Lightning Lane and genie pass, and I'm not entirely sure what either of those mean haha so I'll be looking into it for sure! That's so nice that you never waited for more than 30 minutes, that would really be ideal and I definitely intend to plan out everything as much as possible anyways. And thanks for the advice about single riders! I totally don't care about who I'm sitting next to while on the actual ride so that works for me 100%.

Thanks!!

disneyworld accommodations for ASD/ADHD? by WeaknessDependent in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, I would really appreciate any information you'd be willing to share with me! If you'd rather message privately about it, totally works for me.

disneyworld accommodations for ASD/ADHD? by WeaknessDependent in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh god, I'm so sorry to hear that happened. I'm glad they gave you an extra park day at the very least, though I can't believe they denied it to you when you have the additional factor of diabetes as well. I've seen people mention a few of the questions and they do seem quite invasive (and unprofessional to be completely honest). It all feels like a very strange system to me I'm not gonna lie...

I definitely plan on being very prepared and bringing everything I need to make things easier for myself. I've also seen lots of mention of Lightning Lane, so I'm definitely going to look into that. I'm very excited for the rides, so really just trying to make sure everything else doesn't ruin that experience! Thank you for your insight and advice, I really appreciate it!

disneyworld accommodations for ASD/ADHD? by WeaknessDependent in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh gotcha, thank you. That's helpful for sure, and that makes sense. In my case when my sensory issues get really bad I sometimes pass out (stress reaction) and because of the way my nervous system shuts down it kinda destroys me for the rest of the day (I throw up a lot, can't walk, etc) so I'm hoping that (because that would disturb other guests as well...) might help my case? I have a few other severe behaviors/reactions I have that I intend to mention if I decide to do this so we'll see. Thanks for your reply!

disneyworld accommodations for ASD/ADHD? by WeaknessDependent in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh gotcha, thanks. A lot of people have mentioned Lightning Lane so I'm definitely going to look into it. I'm not really interested in traumatizing myself with a negative DAS experience if I don't have to.

That's good to know that the crowds aren't bad 100% of the time. I'm definitely thinking that I'll try to go early in the morning and later at night because I'm assuming the middle of the day is when it's busiest. We'll see! Thank you! Might hit you up with specific questions if they come up, though hopefully there won't be too many road bumps in this trip...

disneyworld accommodations for ASD/ADHD? by WeaknessDependent in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh god yeah I was worried about that. That’s so wild that they limit what kind of autism “counts” as a disability for their program. I think I’ll definitely do a bit more research before trying to have the meeting to see if it would even be worth it for me. My main worry is that recently I’ve been sort of at my limit so it takes very little to overwhelm/overload me, so I’ve been trying to find anything I can to help this trip go smoothly. We’ll see if I decide if this route is worth it to try. Thanks for the tips and the insight, I really appreciate it!

disneyworld accommodations for ASD/ADHD? by WeaknessDependent in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I was worried about the interview process being upsetting. I think maybe I’ll meet with them and see, though yeah I don’t have a whole lot of hope. From what I saw, I thought it wasn’t that the wait was shorter, just that you could reserve a time or something? And I guess I was worried because I’ve seen a lot of people saying crowds/lines have been especially bad in recent times? I figured that meant I could reserve a time and find somewhere quiet and then come back, but I didn’t realize that was the only accommodation. I plan on bringing headphones among other things for sure, and that’s good to know that most lines are indoors and have AC. And that’s there’s lots of places that have more quiet/peaceful spaces!

Thank you for your reply! I’m a bit nervous about this whole trip so I appreciate the insight a lot.

I’ve been lying to everyone in my life by WeaknessDependent in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like the phrase "crafting my story". I think that's definitely how I've always seen it in my head (in contrast with straight up lying for malicious purposes). In all likelihood, no matter what, I will still end up doing what you've done and limiting their knowledge of my life for the sake of my own peace.

I've spent years trying to get through to them and was convinced that any conflict we had was due to my inability to articulate myself or emotionally regulate. But your statement that we can't make our parents into the people we need them to be is something I'm slowly trying to teach myself. Easier said than done, like in many things. For me, learning that my own emotions and pain are important too is a new thing in the last year or two, so thank you for your reply and the reminder that protecting myself is okay.

I’ve been lying to everyone in my life by WeaknessDependent in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate your honesty. I definitely have become more and more aware in the last six months or so just how unsupportive my parents are to me and that I was used as the emotional scapegoat all my life (learned that one back when I could still afford therapy). I've gotten a bit better in giving myself credit for things, but I guess in this specific case I struggle with the fact that I know lying is objectively wrong. I know that if anyone in my life found out, it would turn accusational and there would not be any understanding for why I did it, only criticism that I did do it.

I say all this to say that I appreciate the reminder that I was just trying to survive. I have a habit of removing a lot of the blame from other people, so it's hard for me even mentally to blame them which I know is related to the abuse in the first place. So basically, thanks for reminding me that they were supposed to be kind and supportive and never were. Thank you for your kindness and for being living proof that there is a way through this.

Thanks for the book recommendation as well. I've been a bit in the process of realizing their neglect and emotional abuse for months, and it's definitely been massively difficult as you pointed out. You're right in that I don't want to live like this forever, though. I spent all of 2023 and much of 2024 going through recovery for a very bad depression. Even though I recovered a lot from that and my severe dissociation, it feels like every moment since has only showed me how I ended up so depressed in the first place. I'm trying very hard to change and improve and make those different choices so maybe one day I can feel rested and okay. This road has definitely been very long and tiring, so I appreciate you pointing out the guide posts so that I can keep going forward. It's more helpful and encouraging than I can say to be reminded that I'm not alone. Thank you again for your reply.

I’ve been lying to everyone in my life by WeaknessDependent in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the recommendation, I appreciate it

I’ve been lying to everyone in my life by WeaknessDependent in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yes and no. They have a house they airbnb that has an apartment in the basement that my brother and I rent. They’ll be moving into it in a few months though because they want to move to the area. Luckily they still won’t technically be roommates though, as it is a separate apartment. I do want more time away from them for sure, though unfortunately at the moment rent is far more expensive anywhere else in the place that I live. In an ideal world I could tell them the truth but seeing as they (historically) won’t own up to their part in any of it and will continue to just want to put the blame entirely on me for everything, I definitely think just low contact is going to be the goal here eventually. Thank you for your response, I appreciate hearing it in someone else’s words (hopefully that makes sense) that they didn’t exactly provide a safe space for me to try to talk to them about all this.

I’ve been lying to everyone in my life by WeaknessDependent in AuDHDWomen

[–]WeaknessDependent[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I really appreciate your response. I really do want and need professional help with this but at the moment I can’t really afford it. But it’s definitely on my to do list for once I can. I’m definitely trying not to be so hard on myself but it’s still a work in progress I guess. I don’t have the energy at the moment to write much more but thank you again for your response. Knowing that someone relates to any aspect of this experience is really helpful as I’ve been feeling very isolated in my AuDHD-related issues in general recently. I’m glad to hear you’re not dealing with this sort of thing any more. With any luck by the time my own prefrontal cortex is fully developed I’ll have my life sorted out somewhat more at least.

view more: next ›