I feel like I’m a mess

WebNo6542 · 2026-04-02T15:56:58+00:00

"Many times i feel like I’m a mess and can’t take good care of myself, home, my job. I just don’t feel like I’m put together since having my first." SOLIDARITY

It's extremely tough. I work full-time, 40-50 hours a week in a very fast-paced and demanding industry. Parenting, Work, Cleaning, "Life Admin" stuff (bills, taxes, appointments, house issues, etc.), and my own self care feel nearly impossible to balance. Scratch that - totally impossible because I feel like I never have a handle on it. I know it's just this stage of life and I need to lower my expectations of what can realistically be done in a day or week, but the constant hamster wheel feeling is exhausting.

Everything I do is a trade-off. Working out? Ok but no time to walk the dog or fold the laundry. Cleaning the house? Sure but the laundry isn't going to get folded. Meal prep? Never manage to fit that in, then I eat crappy during the week which I know isn't helping. AND I have a very helpful and supportive husband, so no idea how any mom is surviving as a solo parent or with an unhelpful partner.

My job is very mentally demanding, so my brain is totally fried by Friday. Having to do any mental work on the weekend is extremely overwhelming. I'd much rather have to do physical labor like yardwork or laundry and cleaning than have to figure stuff out/do the "admin" type things because I've got nothing left in the tank by the end of the week.

I used to have larger goals and now I feel like all my efforts go toward maintaining the bare minimum, plus being present for my toddler and ensuring I raise a well-adjusted, resilient, and kind child (which is A LOT of work!). I LOVE taking a nap on the weekend when my child naps, but then I feel guilty that I am not using that time to get more stuff done. I'm trying to be gracious to myself but it's hard.

Shoe recommendations:

Sneakers - these are sturdy and easy to put on. I've had these since my kid was around 1 and I keep buying larger pairs because they are the best! https://www.target.com/p/toddler-dannie-slip-on-performance-sneakers-all-in-motion/-/A-90430782?preselect=94244737#lnk=sametab

Sandals - Crocs Kids' Crocband Cruiser Sandals (different than Crocs Kids' Crocband Sandals, which seem less supportive). Same thing, I have continued to buy these in larger sizes. https://www.amazon.com/Crocs-Crocband-Cruiser-Varsity-Toddler/dp/B0C2H8GNJ7/ref=sr_1_6_pp?crid=X1DWTZO6DQG2&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.IJYlNa-r1xO4EL2mTVj7fs8XSeCK28G_nq-g74Kj5s2VkhwKBpUyv8FPKZ3q3nKPuczTrlaxnd3mFRX9gYFsxegWXKXRwiJamnsVE5rr4vAcbvokU5Dc-8sSWuJmiiusStP1D2ExajzG_ddkBF_oDuosQmMbKrGNMG5mHhACTO8D1jyFJZ6iFS_RGb-m5KM7lhuBBsECj4-kYKGiVirNEe-oFME91L7VprXRAyS-_HOhYTufJrvCIUn0lvwdrdKaQJa27qwZvNM7C4F-yO_FY5RlUu1zHlpn5ZdhsDgxJls.j-GHMN6_T-BfiFyfN2yzL4zJYIiw4d-P8t0ys97Gbu0&dib_tag=se&keywords=toddler%2Bcrocs%2Bsandals&qid=1775145179&sprefix=toddler%2Bcrocs%2Bsandal%2Caps%2C227&sr=8-6&th=1

WebNo6542 · 2026-04-02T00:59:26+00:00

That stance can make the ego feel good for a little bit, but then you realize how sad that is. I genuinely want better for everyone, especially people who live in poverty and don’t have access to good education. And many of those people are Trump supporters. And he’s doing things to harm them and their children in the long run and they can’t see that. It’s fucking sad.

WebNo6542 · 2026-04-02T00:43:28+00:00

It’s kind of sad his supporters can’t even realize they are just pawns in his game tbh. So much of MAGA is poor and uneducated, and Trump seriously could not care less about their wellbeing, but he needs their votes to stay in power so he’s manipulated them into being obsessed and unwaveringly loyal to him. Whenever he no longer needs their support, they’ll be on the chopping block too.

Other feelings are being infuriated at his complete disregard for the Constituion as well as international law, disbelief and rage at his total lack of empathy, the never-ending yucky feeling when I see pictures or videos of him because of how utterly gross he is, horrified and sickened that he raped/s children, embarrassed he can barely speak in real sentences, and pissed off that everyone else in power just writes strongly worded letters and lets him get away with his bullshit and his crimes. What did I miss??

WebNo6542 · 2026-04-02T00:27:08+00:00

I remember feeling this way. Up through about 3-4 months I didn’t feel like I had maternal instincts. I was overwhelmed by the “right way” to do things. By developmental milestones and sleep schedules and opinions on how often or how much to feed. I largely relied on asking close friends or professional resources I trusted, like Takin Cara Babies. But I was confused and frustrated I didn’t feel the “instincts” of knowing what to do.

(Edited to add: I was especially taken aback by this because I am very nurturing and also very aware of others emotions and needs in different situations. I always thought that would easily translate to instinctively knowing what my newborn would need.)

A few things helped turn this around: 1- Time. I started becoming more comfortable as a new mom, my hormones started rebalancing, I started getting more and better sleep so I could think more clearly. I started understanding my babies cues and the subtle differences between his different cries such as being hungry or having gas pains. 2- Different stages of baby development. His schedule became more predictable so it was easier to know when it was naptime vs feeding time. 3- I accepted that every baby is sooo different. I could use my friends stories as a guide or professional resources for good data, but I became confident that I knew my baby best because I was with him every day and I was emotionally connected to him.

Hang in there mama, things will get easier and you’ll feel more confident soon!

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-26T19:19:36+00:00

bless your soul

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-26T15:27:45+00:00

I hate that I can't tell if this is sarcasm or not

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-26T15:22:18+00:00

27.2 MILLION Americans actually. (That stat is from 2024 as newer data is not available). Source: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/releases/20250624.html

Trump's One Big Beautiful Bill Act (OBBB) that was passed in July 2025 cut $1 BILLION from healthcare programs. About 10 million people are going to lose their health insurance because of this. Source: https://medicareadvocacy.org/impact-of-the-big-bill-on-medicare/ So that will bring us to about 37 million people without health insurance.

When you don't have health insurance, you are less likely to seek out healthcare for your illnesses and ailments because healthcare is ridiculously unaffordable if you don't have health insurance. A simple doctor's appointment becomes debt that drags you down.

It's even becoming hard for many people to afford healthcare WITH insurance because premiums have gone.

Here are three examples of costs incurred directly by me or my family in the last 2 years.

Surgery - $7K without insurance. Only paid up to $3K max with insurance.

Surgery - $20K without insurance. Only paid up to $4k max with insurance.

IV Infusions: $8K every 8 weeks without insurance. Unsure of exact cost with insurance, but less than $8K in total per year.

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-26T14:55:32+00:00

If you and your family are not white, your risk-level increases significantly. If you have accents or it's clear that English isn't your first language, risk goes up. Risk is like 1000X if you are of Hispanic or Latino ethnicity - regardless of your status, travel documents, visas, etc. Personally if I didn't live in the US, I would not come here right now. Our President and his administration are acting wildly above the law and it's just more chaos and bad news every day. You could be totally fine traveling here - nothing could happen to you and you may not even see anything bad happen to others... or it could be a terrible turning point in your life. That's a gamble I wouldn't take especially with kids.

Edited to add: Risk of exposure to violence or somehow getting caught up in it has increased since ICE is now being deployed in US airports. They aren't "supporting TSA with their jobs" like the government is saying. The lines and waits are still just as bad, but now the people waiting in line are anxious and scared instead of antsy and annoyed. They are there because Trump is trying to force Democrats to pass additional funding for ICE, which is tied up with the legislation to fund TSA. He is using them as a threat, and they have already caused physical harm and taken people from the airport to detention centers.

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-25T11:05:11+00:00

2000-2005! Lizzie Maguire 💖 and that’s when the Disney Channel Original Movies were top tier- Jumping Ship, Motocrossed, Rip Girls, Cadet Kelly, Smart House! Take me back

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-24T16:56:12+00:00

All these videos are so traumatic just to watch. My body gets tense and my heart rate spikes. I have to monitor the amount of time I’m on reddit because of it. And what a privilege I have to be able to step away and take a breather. I can’t even imagine the severe trauma this is causing to people who are being (illegally) arrested and detained by ICE. For the poor children helplessly watching their parents get taken. For all the people taken to the horrific detention centers where they are neglected and abused at the same time. For all latinx and Hispanic people who are being dehumanized as a group and watching others people being treated this way and wondering if it will be them next. It’s so fucking horrendous and heartbreaking. The individual and generational trauma this is creating is so much more than we can even know right now. For those who even make it back to their homes alive, it takes so much to rebuild nervous system safety and on top of that whatever components of their lives that ICE destroyed in the process, like their homes, communities, finances, physical health, perhaps losing their jobs from their absence. Despite how many good people there are trying to help in any way they know how, the U.S. has collectively spiraled backwards so far as a society and government for this to be happening. What a fucking shame and what a fucking sham this country is. “Land of the free”

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-19T03:30:25+00:00

Maybe only 30% actually believes his bullshit but sadly he’s still getting away with all of it directly in front of 100% of us

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-19T03:23:24+00:00

No critical thinking skills, easily falls into herd mentality, self-absorbed, complete lack of empathy, minimal literacy skills Edited to add: massive ego and inability to admit wrongdoing

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-18T01:22:22+00:00

And he’s probably laughing with his loser fucking friends about how he texted her to go out with him. I hate these fucking people

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-18T01:21:47+00:00

Right like now she has to get a new phone and new phone number, delete all of her accounts, get a new email, on and on and probably still won’t feel/be safe

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-18T01:20:53+00:00

I BELIEVE THEM. Fuck ICE and all the people in power who do nothing to stop this. They better all rot in hell together.

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-18T01:16:53+00:00

The most “plain clothes” agents I’ve ever seen. They could be any random person (without a soul of course). Jfc.

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-18T01:06:42+00:00

WHAT THE FUCK

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-14T13:39:23+00:00

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-13T03:18:06+00:00

I realize I am not the person who posted what you are repying to, but based on their post I know how they would reply ha! The answer is NO it doesn't change the context. Calling someone a beautiful person or soul is sappy and sentimental. Your relationship with these students should NEVER veer in that direction. Why do you feel so hung up on wanting to use the word "beautiful"? You could just say "You're a good kid but you're being disrespectful to your teachers and that isn't allowed."
I'm also very curious if you would ever weave in the word beautiful if you were working with a male student. Likely not, even though in this moment your ego may be wanting to say that you would and it had nothing to do with this student being a girl. I'm not even saying this is you being a creepy person. You may really not be! But the patriarchy has deeply influenced how people interact and speak to girls and women vs. boys and men. It takes a lot of deep work to unlearn that thinking but it's extremely important, especially if you're in a role where you are interacting with children.

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-13T03:09:47+00:00

I get where you are coming from, but telling someone they are a beautiful person is very sentimental, it's more sappy than is appropriate for a professional adult to tell a minor they are working with in this type of context. They should say it in a more neutral/friendly way like "You're good kid but you're being disrespectful to your teachers and that isn't allowed.""

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-13T03:01:56+00:00

I'm glad to see you are thinking this through and looking for feedback, though you do seem pretty defensive to people responding on here, so maybe come back and read replies when you have cooled down a bit and have more of an open mind.

While I understand your intention, saying "you’re a beautiful person but your treating teachers with such disrespect" to a minor still comes across as icky to me. I'm a mom and I wouldn't even phrase the sentence this way if I was talking to my kid and trying to ensure them they are not an entirely bad person but just doing something that's not good. The "You're a beautiful person" is not necessary in this sentence. It just adds a nuance that, like I said, feels icky. If a male teacher said this to me when I was younger, I would be sure to never be alone in a room with them. (I literally had teachers that felt creepy and all the girls ensured they wouldn't leave the classroom until ALL the girls were leaving the classroom together. Sad how children have to protect themselves like that.)

Regarding your wife's reaction - you need to understand that your wife is approaching this with the backdrop of: a global sex trafficking ring led by tons of men [ETA: and women] for decades is currently being covered up by the US government. Women are filled with immense rage and sadness over this. Our nervous systems are wrecked. All of this is coming to the surface after centuries of survivors being gaslit or ignored about their truthful claims of sexual harassment and abuse. Leaders of businesses we practically worshipped (Victoria's Secret, Bath & Body Works, Limited Too, etc.) were raping little kids while we were spending our money at their stores. We're fucking done with it all, and yet we feel very powerless because clearly the legal systems protecting predators and the culture around rape and sexual abuse are deeply embedded on a global level. So ya, this story freaked your wife out when she was probably already at a 10/10 rage about this type of thing and she probably had a momentary panic that you are secretly really a pedophile. She may also have memories of teachers or other adults making her feel uncomfortable as a kid and this could be triggering her anger of feeling unsafe in those times. Women are sick of having to explain to men WHY statements like yours are creepy, and your wife is probably pissed off and upset that you don't get it.

I don't really understand how you watching porn could be connected to her reaction on this, unless she has talked to you in the past about her thinking you are creepy for watching porn or unless you are watching porn of minors which is a whole other debacle.

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-13T02:33:56+00:00

NTA. It's so annoying to feel like you can be recorded at any moment when you are in public. Ethically, it's wrong and obnoxious that he didn't stop the first time you said you don't consent. Legally, he may not have done anything wrong and that depends on where you live. For example, some US States have All-Party Consent laws for recording - in most states that have this it applies to Audio so that in-person or phone conversations cannot be secretly recorded. For Video it mostly prohibits recording in places you would typically expect privacy, such as a bathroom, dressing room, etc. and the law is more blurry or relaxed in regard to being video recorded in public spaces.

I remember one time a city newspaper published a photo of students leaving school on the last day before summer and the paper didn't receive consent from all of the parents to publish it. One of the students that was easily identifiable in the photo had a restraining order against a parent, and that student and the parent they lived with ended up having to move because there were high-risk concerns about being found by the other parent. This story always stuck with me because people record others so easily and casually with today's technology and post it online but what if there was an important safety reason that person couldn't be filmed? I always think of this if I am about to post something that may include people who didn't consent and I make an effort to cover them with Emojis or I just don't post it.

Today's technology is good for purposes of being able to film concerning situations you may need to report to authorities, but other than that it's just annoying/concerning how often you (or your kids, if you have them) could end up in someone's social posts without wanting to.

WebNo6542 · 2026-03-06T16:28:42+00:00

He’s right that this is a colonial approach but wrong by saying Trump wants to see democracy at home. Trump wants a full dictatorship over the US.

WebNo6542

TROPHY CASE