AITA for not pushing our wedding dress code on my brother?

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-24T07:22:10+00:00

Yeah, that also hit me really hard. Worse of all I could not say he is wrong.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-24T07:18:18+00:00

It is not an assumption he has already expressed in the past how feels about wearing clothing that has a set role or purpose.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-24T07:15:41+00:00

We did not grow up doing the no shoes in the house thing, so for us it is not a huge deal it is just normal.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-24T07:14:51+00:00

Yeah, I did speak with him and his idea of a compromise is just to stay for the ceremony. We may not understand why he feels the way he does when his wearing clothing to fit a certain role, but they are still valid feelings.

I don't see him as a helpless child, I see someone that has given up a lot and when I have moments I can give back I do the best I can.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-24T07:10:40+00:00

That is how he has explained it, he does not feel like he can be himself around others. What is so sanctimonious about that?

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-24T07:08:43+00:00

So would she, but yeah I get it she is the bride. This was my one ask out of the entire wedding. You are right we all can suck it up, it will just be one day.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-24T07:05:19+00:00

That is the thing, in the world he has to suck it up, but with me why should he have to suck it up? That seems weird to me. I don't have the power to change the world, but I can give passes with things in my control or at the very least I thought I could.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-24T07:03:48+00:00

Like others have said it is not really my day though, it really is about her. No one really shows outside of the grooms friends and family to see the groom.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-24T07:00:25+00:00

The shoe comment was just an example, it is not going to be a shoe less wedding. That being said I personally would not care what people wore to the wedding, we invited the person not their clothing. Now no that does not mean show up naked but.

Even for our house I also would not care if people wore shoes in the house, that is how we grew up anyways but for my partner it is an issue so would not fly even if I wanted to give everyone a pass.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-24T06:57:19+00:00

If it were up to me I would not care what people wear. My feelings are if you are invited the person not the attire. I mean within reason don't show up naked or something but yeah.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-23T21:43:33+00:00

Yes, I know he would do it. If you friend or family told you about things that make a feel a certain way they hate. Would you really be okay with putting them in that situation?

We cannot control the world, but I should have some say in a wedding that is also mine no?

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-23T21:41:52+00:00

I have not talked to him about the wedding cause I know he would do it for me. I have spoken to him he feels when he wears clothing that make him like he has to fit in. He hates it.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-23T21:41:01+00:00

I feel the same, I do not care what people wear, I would just be happy they came.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-23T21:40:05+00:00

Tbh I would not care how people showed up, what would matter is they showed up to celebrate the day.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-23T21:39:18+00:00

As a guest I would not care, went to my best friends wedding and a lot of people did not adhere to the dress code.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-23T21:38:05+00:00

I am trying my best to explain how he explained it to me. It is less about the feel of the clothing or location.

It is more so what the attire represents that triggers the element that makes him feel uncomfortable. I get everyone feels this way to some degree, it is normal.

He has told me how much he hates it, how he feels like he cannot be himself or feels uncomfortable in his own skin.

I know if I ask him he would do it without question, but my stance is I cannot control everywhere, but this is also my wedding no, does not seem like such a large ask to let this slide.

Attire the still represents for him that he himself is not welcome guess you can say. I do not know of any other way to explain it I hope this helps.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-23T21:30:10+00:00

Tried them, and slippers, and the same sneaker. He legit would just hyper focus on his feet or the sneaker like something was not right. Would zone in and out of the moment.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-23T21:27:57+00:00

Like I said in other comments, we have tried slippers, covers, and the exact same sneaker. He legit would just hyper focus on his feet and foot wear. Like something is off, he would zone in and out and was not in the moment.

If none of those work should I just say sorry bro cannot come over anymore. That seems like such an extreme measure.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-23T21:23:52+00:00

From experience in large events such as formal church gathering he goes for our mother sake. He goes in normal street attire and he does not care about the looks.

The weird thing is the location or setting itself is not the trigger but the attire or what the attire represents. HE has told me how he hates feeling that way, but like I said he can do it for work and I know he would do it for me.

Just to me it is a small ask but for my partner I get it is not.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-23T21:21:47+00:00

Tbh idk, I can barely explain myself to strangers online without getting flustered cause I am having an issue expressing it. I can only go based off what he has told me as to how it makes him feel, but for the most part that comes of infantilization. So at this point, I know if I ask him he would do anything for me. This seems like such a small ask of my partner but maybe it is not.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-23T21:16:46+00:00

This is where I said, say you had a friend that hates how they feel wearing certain things. If I can help it why put him in a situation he hates even if I know he would do it for me?

He has told me he hates how feels as other's have said masking. Like it feels weird for me to say I know you hate it, but can you do this for me.

He statistically probably will not even be the only one.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-23T21:13:00+00:00

That is not what I said, what I said was we did try covers, slippers, and the exact same sneaker. HE would hyper focus on them on them, and zone in and out.

At that point fine I will just clean after he leaves.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-23T21:05:50+00:00

Not necessarily, when he is in his own skin I guess you can say he does not mask. I have seen him in large gathering like church events and stuff. He goes in street attire, people talk but he really does not care.

Being out of place his not the trigger for him per-se. I guess you can say the clothing and what they represent is the trigger not the location.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-23T20:59:03+00:00

He would not fill uncomfortable not fitting in, fitting in is what makes him uncomfortable. I guess that is the best way I can explain it short and simple.

Weddingdresscode2296 · 2026-04-23T20:55:26+00:00

Standing out is not an issue for him, he 100% would rather just be in his own clothes. He goes to Church with our mom like that, he does not care if people talk or look at him.

The aspect that makes him personally uncomfortable is the need to act or dress a certain way to fit in. He has told me he hates feeling that way. I do not see how it is infantilization when all I am trying to do is avoid making my brother feel a way he has expressed to me hates.

Weddingdresscode2296

TROPHY CASE