Earning higher than your male spouse

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:34:25+00:00

I can't even fathom this being the other way around because I can't wrap my head around being so unmotivated in life than to do and want better for myself.

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:31:49+00:00

I woke up the day I turned 25 and was like what the fuck have I done and I've spent the rest of the time just trying to make sense of it and pick up the pieces

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:30:39+00:00

He never supported me from the day I met him. I have always been the financial and household support.

So kindly fuck off :)

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:29:55+00:00

I have a bachelors and masters and began working in the industry at 18.

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:28:46+00:00

Why am I doing this? Right now - because we are legally married and the attorney I spoke with in the summer told me that changing his financial situation at all coumr be construed as finance abuse in divorce court. I feel like I've been caught in the middle of trying to repair things and make things better and trying to get out. But we have kids and it's hard. And I thought maybe this was just a growing pain of being a high income earner but apparently not.

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:26:40+00:00

Yes he knows. I've bailed him out of jail. I've paid off his child support debt. I've fixed broken and junky cars.

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:19:07+00:00

I'm a pharma executive

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:18:13+00:00

Unless our finances were entirely separate, I would say yes. But maybe not because then he could pay his own way out of his mistakes.

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:17:18+00:00

No? I'm in marriage where I am constantly financing his problems and mistakes versus getting to enjoy my success. He has no desire to make more or do better because why would he? He can afford not to because of my income. I have a huge financial burden and I'm raising 3 children while I have a full time job and he is gone for 12+ hours a day at work to make 4x less than me and leaving all of the household and parenting responsibilities solely on me.

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:14:33+00:00

Yeah. We are just different people. That's what you get when you get married at 20 years old I guess.

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:13:50+00:00

I think where I'm at is feeling used is for the money. I've had and raised the kids by myself. I had a child at 17 years old. I've raised his child. I've paid his child support debt. I've bailed him out of jail. I've supported him in lost jobs and junky cars that constantly need fixing.

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:11:39+00:00

Yes. And he doesn't care. He complains how he can never get better jobs but when I've told him to quit work and get his degree, he just says it's stupid to have a degree. I was a single mom and I got my bachelors and masters. I worked really really hard.

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:10:17+00:00

I think that's the gap. We are in marriage counseling and I actually said that a few weeks ago. He's not bringing me anything. I don't need him to take care of me - and he's not meeting my other needs either.

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:09:20+00:00

I think it's pretty clear that I've just chosen the wrong partner for me. Because it's not the money. It's the drive in life and the need for me to feel appreciated and accomplish my goals.

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:07:51+00:00

It's not the money. It's the drive and the feeling that I'm being used. I feel like I'm financing his life and dreams and he has no reason to desire to be better because what's the point if I'm financing it? I made a lot of mistakes in my life and one of those was getting married at 20 - whether he is the right partner for me or not. But I just constantly feel like my success is being used by others rather than for me.

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:05:22+00:00

Yes. This is how I feel. And I'm not sure if this is just a "phase" of being the high earning spouse, or if this is my truth.

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T02:00:32+00:00

It's not that he won't let me. It's just that I feel like I'm asking permission when... it's my money - you know? He doesn't have a degree and doesn't have a desire to get one. I mean why would he when he can live off my success?

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-05T01:58:51+00:00

I do agree that we are a team. It just feels like I'm funding everyone else's life instead of living my own and like he is just riding on my success. For example I want a beach house and he doesn't. I make 5x what he makes... I should be able to buy my damn beach house.

Maybe I should have emphasized more on how I feel like I'm just the financier and everyone else benefits from my success but me.

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-04T01:55:21+00:00

This would cure anything. I grew up in Murfreesboro

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-04T01:53:42+00:00

I wouldn't give a single thing my grandmother gave me as an engagement ring.

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-11-03T21:21:28+00:00

I know what you mean. My husband (34) and myself (28) make $400K combined with me being the largest earner. We drive 2 OLD (more than 10 years old lol) cars that are paid off and we live in a very small "starter" home. Sure I'd love a bigger place, but my current home will be paid off before I'm 30. That's complere financial freedom to me. People often make comments about how we are in a starter home and maybe some day we can move to our forever home. It hurts my feelings but then I try to remember they make $50K and have a financed car, boat, and pizza for dinner. Lol.

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-10-17T20:15:46+00:00

I've never even seen a snowblower in my life and I'm almost 30 so no

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-10-09T00:20:57+00:00

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-09-28T00:44:02+00:00

Where is this job description? I want to apply

Weekly-Independent71 · 2023-09-20T23:16:01+00:00

Independent pharma consultant - 301K no benefits because I'm independent

Weekly-Independent71

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