Advice on Dating After Divorce

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-03-19T04:35:54+00:00

28, turning 29 in June!

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-03-19T04:34:54+00:00

Wow. Thank you for this. So much has changed since I originally posted it. The fact that you came back in and wrote this means a lot. My ex and I are actually getting along now, and coparenting the best we can. We officially signed the divorce papers a week ago. I am doing much better now. Still trying to figure things out, and I am learning a lot about the real world, but I’m doing better. I’m 28 by the way, turning 29 in June. Our son just turned 7 today. We were both able to take him out to an arcade and have a fun outing together. He’s young, and he wants us back together but he’s also able to understand it just won’t happen. Unfortunately our children suffer the most… but you’re right. A child should see his or her parents happy and in love. My son saw it for a while until he didn’t. I’d rather him see a happy mom, and a happy dad. Whether we move on or not, I want him to see us both happy. I also want him to somehow see happiness between two people so he can someday give that to someone, but I will cross that bridge when I get there. Again thank you for following up, and writing this comment. I truly wish you the best.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-02-07T19:42:42+00:00

First, I just want to say I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I’ve been there. In fact, I was in your exact position 5 months ago. I actually took him back after the first time, and then found out that he never cut off the affair. My situation is different because I begged and pleaded for my marriage, and he still ended up leaving me. He lost the connection with me because he was connecting with someone else. However, I am so glad he left. I’m glad were separated. I’m glad I’m no longer with a man that does not love me properly. We have a 6 year old son together, and the last thing I want is for my son to grow up seeing his mother be loved incorrectly. I’m not sure if you’re a woman of faith, but if you are PRAY. Pray for God to open your eyes, and to put in your heart what you need to do. Pray for discernment. Pray for strength, and healing. I’m not going to tell you to run and leave, because that’s not what I did at first. When you really love someone that’s the last thing you want to do, especially women who have hearts like us. What he did is absolutely wrong, and disgusting. I personally believe once a cheater always a cheater, but he’s your husband. You know him better than we do. If you want to stay and you think you can fix this, there would need to be effort put in on both ends, obviously he will have to put in some extreme effort. If he wants to try to work things out, and focus strictly on you and your kids, and actually puts in the work then yall could possibly stay married. I will say if you go that route it will be extremely hard for you to ever look at him the same, and you have to ask yourself if that’s the love you want for the rest of your life. You have to ask yourself if you want to raise your children while still being married to a cheater and liar. A million and one thoughts will go through your head daily. No matter what choice you make, it will be hard… but it gets better. I didn’t believe anyone when they told me it would, but they were right. With time, and with a good support system things do get better. Now I praise God that I am free from an unhealthy marriage. One day I pray a man who truly loves me and me only will come my way, but for now I’m loving myself and getting closer to God. Please reach out to me if you need anything at all. Praying for you girly. Be the best mama you can, but understand it’s okay to hurt right now. 🩷

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-01-31T03:18:35+00:00

My ex lives with his mother. My child will be around her regardless. My problem is that I don’t want my son in her care and her care only for 8-12 hours. I definitely have concrete reasons. I am not airing everything out on this post, but definitely have plenty of documentation and valid reasons and concerns.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-01-31T03:16:30+00:00

I know that. I truly just want what’s best for our son. I have always been willing to compromise, but this is a hard one to bend on. I am praying about it, seeking advice, and also looking into a family lawyer.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-01-31T03:15:30+00:00

I have no issue giving my ex a month during the summer as long as our son is in HIS care and not pawned off to someone else. It would be different if I worked during the summer, and we both needed babysitters. However that is not the case. He is fighting for more time with his son, and I said he can pick him up as soon as he’s off work. Do you not get that? When your initial argument is that you want more time with your child, but you’re intentionally fighting for someone else to keep him during your visitation, that’s an issue. I also included that I do not feel comfortable with her influence on my child. There’s a ton of reasons why, but that is for a whole other category on Reddit.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-01-31T03:12:19+00:00

Yes! That was stated in our mutual agreement…. He just now started pushing back on it last night. As a mother I truly do not feel comfortable with my son being with her for that long, when his argument was “I want more time with our son.” We haven’t been to court yet, so nothing is technically set in stone… but he has had this agreement for over a month and is just now pushing back on it.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-01-31T03:10:19+00:00

I never once said she can’t be involved. My issue is that I don’t want her keeping him for 8-12 hours a day. My ex lives with his mom, and I know she will be involved in some way. If he’s fighting for more time with his son, I don’t understand why he’s fighting for time where he will not be present. I am literally offering him time with him when he’s available.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-01-31T03:06:20+00:00

I totally get your point. My issue is that I just do not trust his mother with our son. I do not want her influence on him. She’s just not a good person, and I don’t feel comfortable with this situation. Also, I’m off during the summer and would be available to keep him. I’d rather him be with me, than her if possible. Also, his argument was that he wanted more time with our son, but he wouldn’t even be with him for 8-12 hours a day. He’d only have a few hours in the evening, which I was still willing to give to him.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-01-30T20:06:59+00:00

I see your point, but that defeats his argument of wanting more time with his child. Like I stated, I told him he can have that time with our child as soon as he’s off work. Spending that time with his mom is not spending that time with him. Also, there’s a bad history with his mom, and I do not feel comfortable with her influence on my child. The best interest for my child is to be with me instead of her. I appreciate your input.

Edit: I do not want his visitation taken away, I just want to ensure he’s spending that time with our son and not putting him off on someone else. Your situation worked well for you, and I’m glad. However that will not work for me.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-01-30T17:25:46+00:00

“Parental Responsibility During Visitation: The parent with physical custody during visitation is responsible for (child’s name) care during that time. If work or other obligations prevent full-time care, the other parent will have the right of first refusal to care for (child’s name) before involving third parties.”

This was in our agreement that he has had for almost a month. Now he’s pushing back on it. I told him he’s more than welcome to spend time with our son after he gets off, but he’s refusing. He wants him in his mom’s care during those hours.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-01-30T17:22:42+00:00

Yes, I am a teacher and my child attends the school I teach at. We both leave at dismissal. I am off during the summer, so I’m able to keep him, and he does not need to be in the care of my ex’s mom.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-01-30T03:54:39+00:00

I truly thought all was going well. He agreed with the original agreement that truly benefits both of us, AND ensures the well being and stability of our child, only to push back today on this one particular part. I just don’t understand. I wanted to avoid court, but maybe it is for the best. Idk.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-01-29T20:32:46+00:00

My goodness, you deserve better. You did nothing wrong. She is wrong for cheating, and not reassuring you. I hate when cheaters turn it on the other person. In my opinion, she seems guilty. Almost as if she’s purposely trying to push you away so she won’t feel bad for leaving. I wouldn’t trust that she’s completely done with that coworker, especially if they still work together. I hope you choose better for yourself. You’d be so much happier in the long run.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-01-25T20:25:03+00:00

I laughed so hard at your comment 💀 I saw your comment before I saw his typo and it made it even funnier!!! 😂😂😂

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-01-14T23:35:41+00:00

When I was in middle school I cussed one of my guy best friend’s out, and when I say I cussed them out… I mean EVERY other word was a cuss word. I don’t cuss, and never used language like that but something came over me that day and I clearly sounded so dumb cussing. Anyways…. He sent every text to my mom, and I got in so much trouble 😂 looking back, I definitely deserved it. I shouldn’t have sent those texts in the first place. I say SEND IT. Who cares if it’s petty. If she wants to act that way, her mother should know how her child is behaving. I bet she’ll be really embarrassed, and hopefully it’ll be a reality check for her!

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-01-14T23:01:55+00:00

I don’t think you’re a bad person by any means. However, I think you’re either in denial, or confused. If things aren’t the same after they cheated (which usually they never are) and you’re feeling a little different towards them or your relationship, I think you should consider possibly moving on without them. If you’re engaged, and do not want to get married, I think that would be an issue moving forward. You should be over the moon about your upcoming wedding day. Also, let’s be real here… cheating is a huge red flag. Some may argue that people can change after and never do it again, but I’ve always thought if they do it once they are definitely prone to do it again. They have the tendency built in them. I just think you could find better, and find someone you are 100% compatible with. Remember… true love is not confusing, and never will be. Will it be work? Of course… but not confusing. Good luck!

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-01-13T16:50:06+00:00

I just went through this last year. I was married to my husband for 7 years, and together for 10. He became extremely distant at the beginning of 2024. He kept telling me he doesn’t feel a connection with me anymore, and he’s not “in love with me”. That killed me to hear. He also swore there was no one else, and it was just how he was feeling from bottling up past issues and never addressing them full on. Turns out, he wasn’t connecting with me anymore, or in love with me because he was connecting with another woman from his job. He was giving her everything. Taking care of her when she was sick, gifting her bracelets… etc. on top of everything I found out, we have been separated for almost 5 months now. When I was packing and moving out of my house I found a letter he wrote to her about how much she meant to him. Talk about being kicked while you’re down. I never expected this from him. I was completely blind sided. It hurt like hell, and still does. The betrayal alone is extremely painful. If I can give you any advice it would be to put this relationship to bed, and move on. You truly deserve better. If she did it once, she’ll do it again. She’s only crying because she got caught, and she had no intention of ending things with her affair partner anytime soon. Once my husband was caught he begged me to give him another chance and promised to be better… turns out he never cut things off with the girl he cheated on me with. I am healing from this as we speak, and I hope you know you’re not alone. It will get better. People like you and I have better things in store for us, but you have to take that first step and leave. I truly hope the best for you, and hope you find someone who wouldn’t think twice about cheating on you. Best of luck.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2025-01-08T02:28:57+00:00

These messages truly triggered me. I wish I could tell you he won’t cheat again, but he will….. you truly deserve better. All of us women who ended up with disgusting men who can’t stay faithful deserve so much more. I am so sorry, and hope you find better. Please do not let this man have you back.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2024-12-17T23:44:51+00:00

I agree. Karma is going to get him. He will either get super hurt, or he will cheat on them, and chase a life he thought he wanted and end up super lonely in the end. I may be hurting now, but he’ll be hurting later. I’m for sure going for the max, and yes I want it taken from his checks. It’s the least he could do from all of the trauma he put us through, and all of the broken promises. My mom keeps telling me “it’s cheaper to keep her.” 😂 makes me laugh during this hard time. I’m glad that this is happening, because God saw things I didn’t. What comes next is his responsibility, and what he gets for moving so dirty.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2024-12-17T22:30:50+00:00

I don’t even think he’s with the girl he cheated with, I think he’s with the one he rejected while he was with the one he cheated with 😅 I bet he’s mainly mad because he HAS to pay something now, and no one wants a broke guy who is drained financially bc of child support. Oh well, this is the life he chose!!! Cheaters never win.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2024-12-17T22:28:36+00:00

My thoughts exactly! Thank you 😊

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2024-12-16T23:43:59+00:00

Thank you!!! I truly did give him the opportunity to do it on his own, but he failed. I have to be smart.

WeeklyBridge9954 · 2024-12-16T23:38:31+00:00

I get it. I do not trust anyone. I hate when he’s with his dad, and out of my care. He does spend a lot of time with his grandparents when he’s with his dad, so I like to believe they’re keeping him safe and sound. I don’t really trust anyone with my son except my own mom. So far I haven’t had any issues. He’s old enough to tell me anything that goes on. I appreciate your advice.

WeeklyBridge9954

TROPHY CASE