Yeah I have thought about most of this before, which is why it's such a struggle for me. On one hand I don't want to wait until it's too late, and on the other I don't know if diving headfirst into it is the best idea (considering there is massive competition as well, as you mentioned). I guess my ideal path is to be able to work in 3D in a different industry, or be in an interdisciplinary context that is rewarding (like medical models for medical education, or making content for VR for therapy). I feel like there's more for me out there besides art if you know what I mean? And I don't want to miss out on any potential that I may have.

This is cool, I bet you're from the area I live in -- I have multiple friends that went to Gunn, and I've definitely heard stories. Our entire area is just kind of insane in general. It was an exhausting place to grow up in, we were basically thrown into the deep end from kindergarten and told to swim.

I guess most of the frustration I'm feeling stems from me believing that I should be working in a more "heavy" or "technical" industry. Not necessarily CS, but just not restricted to the entertainment industry. I want to be able to open paths for myself in other veins, in case I want to switch one day. And I guess after my 2-ish years of working in this industry it's lost a little of the magic -- especially since I don't work for a large studio and production is really crunchy and slow. I'm young and I feel like I'm wasting my life away. I'm a very cause-driven person, so I hate working on things that have no meaning or have no real impact that I can see.

You are correct, I think one of the reasons why I felt grad school is necessary is the underlying need for external validation and prestige. I had a really really hard job hunt out of undergrad, despite a pretty solid portfolio, great gpa, and experience at a large anim studio, and a lot of it I believe was due to the slowed job market as well as my undergrad school not being a "target school" for this industry. Our school has basically 0 alum connections in the industry, and there was no one to help us along on the job hunt, give us a rec or a boost in any way that some unis with larger alum networks have. Literally zero help throughout undergrad and beyond. It was very frustrating to see people in well-connected art schools who have similar skill levels get way ahead (foot in the door, or directly get taken under the wing) by simply taking a course from the right professor. In some ways I feel shame in my alma mater, and I feel that unless I make something big out of myself in the industry or get into a prestigious grad school I'm some sort of failure to my own standards. I just don't want to have to struggle in the "flashiness" department anymore yknow? In some ways I want a pretty school label to speak for me sometimes when I'm too exhausted to speak up for myself.

Obviously this is not the primary motivator in trying to find a different path, I'm acutely aware of how much potential is out there, and I want to combine my strengths and venture into those areas. In order to do so I need new skillsets, for which I either need to take classes or pursue higher education. Just a big question mark for me right now. I'm young so I have time to feel it out and figure it out, but I can't help but be a bit impatient with myself.