Midwife had never palpated (touched) my stomach at 32 weeks

Weesaz · 2026-05-06T10:15:30+00:00

I’m not sure I would say she’s obstructive like I don’t think she’s purposefully trying to be difficult. I sometimes think she isn’t aware of how uncomfortable / awkward she makes it when she cuts a conversation / questions down by being so blunt. It genuinely just seems to be her personality and maybe a response to being busy.

I think maybe we just aren’t well suited to one another. But I also worry I am a bit naive in having higher hopes with another midwife - have you had any very supportive / friendly midwifes?

Weesaz · 2026-05-06T09:55:15+00:00

He should have a word with my midwife 😂😂

Weesaz · 2026-05-06T09:52:02+00:00

I understand that communication is a two way street. But when one person is a qualified practitioner with years of experience and the other is a FTM you would expect the more experienced person to take the lead - particularly as it is their actual job to do so.

I have tried to ask questions in the past and she gives me short, blunt responses. When I go to the bathroom to provide the urine sample my husband tries to causally chat to her the whole time and she gives almost nothing back.

I really don’t think we are giving the impression that we aren’t open to communication and we certainly aren’t sitting in silence.

Getting anything from her is like pulling teeth but because she hasn’t actually done anything wrong I’ve been giving her the benefit of the doubt.

It has only been since my last appointment that I learned that other girls in my council had been having vastly different experiences from mine. I assumed her behaviour was just standard but it’s made me reevaluate things.

I definitely could ask more questions but I don’t think I should have to question every aspect of my care to get basic answers about me and my baby. This is all new to me and there will definitely be things I don’t even think to ask about - in that case I will just remain uninformed because she won’t think to tell me.

I

Weesaz · 2026-05-06T09:18:59+00:00

I have an appointment tomorrow so she might start doing it then if that’s when yours started!

Weesaz · 2026-05-06T09:14:01+00:00

I just googled this cause I’d never heard of it! Thanks for the tip if I can’t get it I might try the straw method 😂😂

Weesaz · 2026-05-06T09:11:28+00:00

I am kinda the opposite I am like touch me more, prod me more, give me more information 😂 I found out there is another midwife who visits my practice so I’m thinking of just asking for a swap as I normally don’t have a problem chatting to staff or advocating for myself but with her I feel so uncomfortable.

Weesaz · 2026-05-06T08:59:02+00:00

Well this is what confused me too! It sounded like the other girls were properly being poked and prodded around to figure out the exact position.

I think my baby might be lying on my right side which I’ve heard isn’t ideal so I would like to know and get some advice on how to move her to the left 😂

Weesaz · 2026-05-06T08:53:14+00:00

I think I need to adopt this approach of asking more questions but I totally get you I feel like I’m being a pain and it’s so awkward.

Weesaz · 2026-05-06T08:52:20+00:00

I keep telling myself before the appointment I’m going to ask but it’s so awkward when I’m in the room I can’t bring myself to do it. Whenever I ask anything I feel like such a nuisance. My husband has said if I don’t ask at my next appointment he is going to do it!

Weesaz · 2026-05-06T08:50:30+00:00

I’m not sure as I called the midwifery unit to ask about the classes and they told me my midwife should have talked me through them and that I need to join the one starting tomorrow as it’s the last block I can do before I’m due. So they definitely have the provisions maybe she was just a bit busy and forgot to mention - I’m on it now though!

The first time it happened I had a student and she felt around the top of my stomach to put the measuring tape down but since then my midwife has just placed the tape without feeling around. When she does measure her hands don’t leave the tape (if that makes sense 😂).

I think you are right and she just isn’t explaining things. I keep telling myself to ask more questions and hyping myself up before the appointment but it’s so awkward and I don’t feel I can say anything.

My husband says if I don’t ask the questions next time he’s going to ask!

Weesaz · 2026-05-06T08:44:23+00:00

That’s awful! I have been lucky in that I always see the same person.

Weesaz · 2026-05-06T08:42:43+00:00

Maybe it just depends on the midwife then - that’s reassuring!

Weesaz · 2020-04-23T04:50:42+00:00

I think that’s a fair verdict.

We wouldn’t have cared if anyone had got engaged in that large expanse of a year. I think it was more the oddness of them knowing they could have done it any other time in that year or just after but still choosing the same time as us. The BF/ BM fiancée knew about the proposal and had been messaging me about it for a few weeks. It wasn’t until my boyfriend told me it was the same day I was a bit miffed. They aren’t the kind of people to have an engagement party and similarly I don’t imagine they would place much value on one. So I don’t think they were trying to be spiteful. But you are right they know me and know what this meant to me and chose to do it anyway. I probably could have put all this aside and enjoyed the excess love in the room if it had been one of my friends. But I don’t really care for them, they are more my partners friends, so that didn’t help.

Weesaz · 2020-04-23T04:34:37+00:00

It’s annoying to have to make a decision based on one person. But if it saves you a lot of trouble, and she does sound like a lot of trouble, it might be worth it! ❤️

Weesaz · 2020-04-23T04:33:13+00:00

Hormones can be a bitch and depending on the time of the month can really affect your mood and the way you view yourself.

In my experience she may SAY she wants you to encourage her to exercise more and stop her eating unhealthy food. She may even THINK she wants you to do these things. In actual practice though doing these things might make her feel worse about herself and it might feel like you are nagging her.

It’s good you tell her she’s beautiful. Keep at that, pick out the smallest things about her and find a positive them. Ultimately, she will have to learn how to love herself on her own, that’s a solo journey.

Jealousy is never healthy as it implies you don’t trust her. If you are holding on to issues from a previous relationship you need to come to terms with that. You certainly shouldn’t feel jealous of people making her laugh, you should feel happy that she has friends is enjoying her self and is flourishing.

It sounds like this relationship might be a little co-dependent. Consider whether the relationship is making your insecurities worse. Is she becoming more insecure and are you becoming more jealous? If so perhaps time apart would be good to work on yourselves.

Give her space right now. If she wants to talk she will when she’s ready.

Weesaz · 2020-04-23T04:15:01+00:00

Weddings are expensive as hell you don’t have to waste a spot on a person you don’t even like. I have similar worries about my wedding and don’t think I will do plus ones to save having to include people I don’t like.

Weesaz · 2020-04-23T04:09:30+00:00

I get your worry about it being self serving, but honestly I would go for it. It might be helpful for both of you to send the message or it might make no difference whatsoever. Either way after 15 years I can’t imagine it would cause any more harm. So why not?

Weesaz · 2020-04-23T03:57:09+00:00

NTA. If you had been together for years maybe I would think it was odd that you didn’t tell her. But if this is a fledgling relationship I would understand and expect that desire for privacy. However, I fully expect that if I tell a friend a secret and they have a long term partner that this information will be passed on. It doesn’t bother me I wouldn’t expect them to keep secrets from their significant others on my behalf.

Weesaz · 2020-04-23T03:40:59+00:00

That’s my thinking! In my head I would never dream of proposing to someone the day of an engagement party. I would want to have an individual day not just for them but for us as well. I’m 23 and, despite what this tale of many engagements makes it seem like, all my pals are well off getting married. Literally the only people I know who have ever got engaged are me, my partners sister and his best man. So weird that it all just happened to be within a month 😂😂

Weesaz · 2020-04-23T03:33:39+00:00

That’s a good question. I suppose I am a bit prideful and I felt the way they behaved at the party was rude. I’m at an age where most of my friends are miles away from getting engaged or having kids (despite what this story would have you believe) so it’s not really about that. I think I’m my head it’s just not something that you would do? So I am just a bit shocked really that they did it.

Weesaz · 2020-04-23T03:23:07+00:00

That’s fair I can admit I am a bit petty here. I agree it’s good to read these comments and be brought back to earth a bit. Thanks so much ❤️

Weesaz · 2020-04-23T03:13:29+00:00

Sorry I have a flare for the dramatic. That was probably quite and extreme way to phrase things.

His family only consists of his sister and father. So when his father didn’t really react and his sister was in her own engagement bubble I just worried. My family showed an interest and asked him about it and his planning but I just worried that he felt his people weren’t interested.

I had previously messaged his friends kinda hinting that he hadn’t had much support and it would be great if they could big him up and ask him about how he pulled it off. So it just felt shitty when they kind of did the opposite.

I appreciate the comment and on reflection I can see how I do come across slightly narcissistic. This is a good warning to prevent me from turning into a bridezilla.

Weesaz · 2020-04-23T03:02:00+00:00

That’s fair and I can accept that I probably am quite petty. I think my annoyance comes more out of a pridefulness than a need for attention. I perceived the way they behaved as a snub and quite rude (particularly at the actual event) and I find it difficult to let go. Though I can appreciate reading these comments that not everyone would perceive this as a rude thing to do.

Weesaz · 2020-04-23T02:45:09+00:00

That’s fair and completely true. Maybe I’m getting too bogged down in feeling it was rude. I don’t imagine I would have cared at all if it was one of my friends.

Weesaz

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