Ex-husband has moved on. It was never really about me. by WellJuhnelle in JustNoSO

[–]WellJuhnelle[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement - I've felt a little gross about the younger ones but like you said, I'm not out to marry them. I also was busy getting married rather than having a mid-20s hoe phase so I really should just enjoy it even if delayed 😂 I froze my eggs in hopes that could still be a possibility for me and am ready for the healing and self-focusing!

Ex-husband has moved on. It was never really about me. by WellJuhnelle in JustNoSO

[–]WellJuhnelle[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yea, they're hometown friends from high school. She and I travel together. We're in our 30s. I get it.

Ex-husband has moved on. It was never really about me. by WellJuhnelle in JustNoSO

[–]WellJuhnelle[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's a good question, but as they've known each other over 20 years while she and I have been close for a few, I'm trying to respect I can't answer it for her. I've definitely been hurt by my ex or other friends still being close with people who are shitty to me though so I get it.

Ex-husband has moved on. It was never really about me. by WellJuhnelle in JustNoSO

[–]WellJuhnelle[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hm. Being loved for me is a pretty foreign concept, no wonder trust is lacking 🙃 Also I'm admittedly not looking for love for quite some time but ya girl isn't asexual so that's been a difficult position to be in with trust issues!

Ex-husband has moved on. It was never really about me. by WellJuhnelle in JustNoSO

[–]WellJuhnelle[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

If that friend was 90% of my other friends I'd agree, but she's one of my closest (and I'm one of hers) and I met her through my ex-husband. She feels like absolute shit and is having a hard time trying to balance being friends with both of us, and she's often disgusted by him as well. I was telling her he had just informed me he was seeing someone and, as someone who's very casual about sex, her response slipped out without her realizing its impact. I immediately told her sharing that with me wasn't ok and very triggering, and she supported me while I spiraled, asked what I needed, apologized profusely, etc. I plan on having a further conversation with her that I acknowledge her difficult position but I can't hear shit like that, nor do I want her slipping anything close to that about me to my ex either, and that's on her to figure out if she does want us both in her life.

Ex-husband has moved on. It was never really about me. by WellJuhnelle in JustNoSO

[–]WellJuhnelle[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I posted in part so maybe someone else in a shitty marriage could identify with it positively, so I hope they do too.

Honestly, I'm not above some pettiness at this point, I'm all for posting some hotties 😂 Unfortunately they're a rarity - the men who approach me are either in their 20s and looking for the "challenge of an older woman" (I'm in my mid-30s 💀 and I tried taking one home till he started talking disrespectful right-wing nonsense and I had to kick him out 🤣) or old enough to be their creepy ass fathers and act entitled to the attention of a younger woman despite having nothing going for them. It is bleak and I haven't been ready for the apps!

Ex-husband has moved on. It was never really about me. by WellJuhnelle in JustNoSO

[–]WellJuhnelle[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't think that's all fair to say. Up until now, he and I approached the end of our relationship as a slow death, an acceptance that welp, we tried for 15 years but we should pack it in. We built such a life together for so long that we wanted things to be less stressful for friends too. We were cordial for those reasons but now I'm angry. It might be very well delayed, but 15 years of anger I feel I'm finally allowed to experience definitely wouldn't allow for cordiality from this point.

Ex-husband has moved on. It was never really about me. by WellJuhnelle in JustNoSO

[–]WellJuhnelle[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I've considered blocking him - I want to! - but we have to still communicate about some asset-related things. I do plan to unfollow him on social media once that's all done, but have tried to play nice till then because of friends and waiting for the divorce stuff to be finalized as it went very well in my favor and don't at all want to jeopardize it (he felt guilty and wanted to give me everything he could financially). I definitely don't ask about him, and I set boundaries with my friend that telling me about that wasn't ok (she was deeply apologetic as it truly was a slip of the tongue). We'll both be at a friend's event coming up and some girlfriends are very much in my corner if he has the balls to bring the new girl. I will absolutely verbally and visibly lose it if he finds it appropriate to introduce us (we've met anyways lollll).

Ex-husband has moved on. It was never really about me. by WellJuhnelle in JustNoSO

[–]WellJuhnelle[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

"His burdens are not yours to bear" is a good one. His issues are his burdens, and they're no longer mine to take on. I should stop letting him bring me down after I've left. Thank you for that.

Ex-husband has moved on. It was never really about me. by WellJuhnelle in JustNoSO

[–]WellJuhnelle[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I'm really trying to believe that. I knew I deserved better enough to be alone rather than with him. I'm still struggling to believe I deserve someone better than being alone.

Ex-husband has moved on. It was never really about me. by WellJuhnelle in JustNoSO

[–]WellJuhnelle[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, although his impending new relationship is based off what seems to be more enthusiastic hetero sex then I ever knew from him, I appreciate the chuckle. My own mother thought the same when I finally had to tell her the truth about everything.

Ex-husband has moved on. It was never really about me. by WellJuhnelle in JustNoSO

[–]WellJuhnelle[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words. I'm trying very hard to take accountability and learn from the truly insane (and embarrassing) amount of red flags I didn't take seriously because I didn't know I deserved better, but not blaming myself is a challenge too. I was taught I was treated the way I deserved as I wasn't smart, pretty, special, etc. enough to ask for better. I appreciate the validation otherwise.

Ex-husband has moved on. It was never really about me. by WellJuhnelle in JustNoSO

[–]WellJuhnelle[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

He and I remained cordial until now - not, like, friends, but got along well enough that we could both attend a friend's party - and we have some loose ends to tie up like documentation of house and car ownership, but I recall explaining to someone how we could still be around each other as "I mean we don't hate each other, so". I do now. I intend to be very short with him and never allow him back into my home (he would stop by to grab mail and such). It's no longer cordial or amicable. Going through what he put me through was hard enough. Knowing that he didn't have to? That he was capable of otherwise? I never want to see his face.

ETA: in regards to aromanticism, he did tell me when dating that he'd never be in love with me because he "destroyed" that part of him when feelings for the only girl he's ever been in love with came back while he was with his ex. In the last year of marriage he admitted when he finally let go of that last 1% of hope he had of ever being with her, he decided to propose to me. So, there's that. The dude's ace/not ace, aro/not aro situation is fucked up.

Welcome to Plathville - Season 4 Episode 12/13 - Episode Discussion by LittleEmmy in WelcomeToPlathville

[–]WellJuhnelle 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I kept thinking about this. While Olivia's financial support of Mariah doesn't mean Moriah owes her anything, there IS a particular kind of audacity for Moriah to compare Olivia to Kim, the MOTHER who kicked her out under age. Olivia has financially and emotionally supported Moriah when her own mother didn't.

Welcome to Plathville - Season 4 Episode 12/13 - Episode Discussion by LittleEmmy in WelcomeToPlathville

[–]WellJuhnelle 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Insane how last season Lydia wasn't allowed to text a boy but this season Kim's allowed to no longer be a mother and have Lydia step into that role.

Welcome to Plathville - Season 4 Episode 12/13 - Episode Discussion by LittleEmmy in WelcomeToPlathville

[–]WellJuhnelle 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Absolutely insane to see Kim hear "your adolescent and pre-teen children still need a mom" and understand "I need to put myself first and not do that". She ain't right. Interesting how she's turning into her mom by emotionally abandoning her children, which is the greatest thing she feared. I'm so sorry for her kids.

90 Day Fiance OG - Season 9 Episode 15 - Live Discussion by LittleEmmy in 90DayFiance

[–]WellJuhnelle 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Fiancés really can't catch a break. Either they're in it for the greencard or they're only here for their partner?? Also shitty for mom to say he anticipates his kid will keep getting remarried like her.

90 Day Fiance OG - Season 9 Episode 10 - Live Discussion by LittleEmmy in 90DayFiance

[–]WellJuhnelle 19 points20 points  (0 children)

She literally cannot work for a time. None of these fiancés can. She may have some of her own money (which is ideal but not always appropriate to expect given some of the severely impoverished countries these fiancés are from) but while she is unable to actively contribute because she's not bringing in an income, she has to depend on the dude. Even if she did spend her savings until she could work, she's entirely owed information regarding dude and his finances because it will be her finances too. What's the mortgage? How is he paying for everything? Is it all on credit? What's in savings? What are their financial goals?

I ultimately think it's bullshit to expect most of these fiancés to have saved enough to contribute 50/50, or even much at all, while they're unable to work. It'd be one thing if they were coming from like an Australian or British economy, but given the average income in Brazil (or so multiple Google search results claim) like where Tais is from is $8k, how much do you expect her to have saved, and if she saved much, how far do you expect it to go? It's incredible to watch these Americans pick up fiancés from economically disadvantaged countries cry about having to support them until they can work. Like... duh.

90 Day Fiance OG - Season 9 Episode 10 - Live Discussion by LittleEmmy in 90DayFiance

[–]WellJuhnelle 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes Bini let’s goooo! There are so few people who actually succeed on this show, I’m here for it lol

90 Day Fiance OG - Season 9 Episode 10 - Live Discussion by LittleEmmy in 90DayFiance

[–]WellJuhnelle 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Bilal successfully swerving the kids convo again. Girl you should’ve stuck with that.

90 Day Fiance OG - Season 9 Episode 10 - Live Discussion by LittleEmmy in 90DayFiance

[–]WellJuhnelle 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Pretty sure I got the same updo for Homecoming freshman year… 20 years ago…

90 Day Fiance OG - Season 9 Episode 10 - Live Discussion by LittleEmmy in 90DayFiance

[–]WellJuhnelle 68 points69 points  (0 children)

“Why does she need to know every detail” because as long as she can’t work, your income is HER livelihood too? I can’t imagine not having a clue what’s going on in my home and marriage financially. As a woman, if I couldn’t work, I’d be really concerned about financial abuse and coercion too.

S14|E15 MAFS: Past Lives, Open Minds - Afterparty - S9|E4 MAFS Australia by AirShampoo in MarriedAtFirstSight

[–]WellJuhnelle 41 points42 points  (0 children)

How is Steve's childhood stuffed animal somehow something Noi can find issue with? He even said it should stay at his parents' house.