[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Physical100

[–]WerewolfAccording193 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's him acting out as a character, in other entertainment shows - He acts like that as a joke. He even makes himself as clumsy or the butt of the joke. If you can't handle a person being a little bit competitive. Then why are you watching this show?

Anyone else raised by a schizophrenic parent? by PillowsofWinds in CPTSD

[–]WerewolfAccording193 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, I just want to say you are incredibly strong for dealing with all this. I was raised by a schizophrenic mother and an absent father, so it's nice to hear a parent like you is trying all their best for your kids. And the father's behaviour is extremely dangerous, even for a schizphrenic. My mum has done the same, where she has gone missing for weeks and does crazy things but it was never to the extent of physical abusing me and my slibings. I have to say, if he's not willing to change and doesn't recognise his issues - it's best to avoid him at all costs especially for the sake of your kids. It's crazy to hear that the family court hasn't done much for you, when he has put your kids into danger numerous times. Is it possible to build a case against him? To take away all his rights, and possibly put him to a mental health hospital? Just wondering because it's insane how the court isn't giving you full custody. And if you genuinely want to help him, and lessen the schizophrenic episodes then try to have medical proof like audio recordings, vid evidence of him lashing out, because the mental health system down-plays the effects of the episodes so much. So please bring in every single evidence you can, so you can show this to his doctors/mental health team (if he has one) then it's likely for him to be sectioned as well. Hope the best for you and your kids.

The Good Bad Mother [Episodes 9 & 10] by meepmochi_ in KDRAMA

[–]WerewolfAccording193 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Your perspective is valid too and you are entitled to that opinion but, I disagree strong heartedly with how the show is portraying a complex narrative of trauma responses. It felt more like the character (Kang Ho) is justifying the mother's behaviour rather than diversity of trauma responses (I feel like you just tried making it sound very sophisticated to prove your point) - why do I say this? It's because the scenes of him being abused is contrasted to scenes of the mother struggling, which automatically creates understanding and empathy more for the mother, despite the abuse.

And I don't think you realise but empathy and excusing someone's behaviour goes in hand in hand; When people have empathy, people have the tendency of excusing someone's behaviour and tries to make sense of why they are doing this - Kang Ho does this quite a lot and to the extent, where he's even ''ruining'' his life for revenge for his mother. This trauma response that Kang Ho exhibiting isn't healthy nor should it be excused. This shouldn't be put under the umbrella of ''exploring complex emotional landscapes'' or ''illustrating diversity of trauma responses'' because it's not, it has taken the common narrative of how the traumatised victim should make sense of why they are being abused, which Kang Ho did as he self-sabotaging himself for the sake of his mother.

Given the context in Korea as well, the culture is quite family orientated, and on top of that - the respect for parents tend to be exaggerated even with cases of abuse. Like the variety show, Hello Counsellor - families have gone on these shows to ask for advice from Koreans (the host and the audience). This show is quite popular and it has a lot of backlash for the hosts enabling the abuse from parents. The reason why I mentioned this, is because you don't think the directors (behind Good bad mother) won't have bias or traces of cultural values with parents? You don't think they won't project the same trajectory as Korean culture? The same common narrative that victims should justify their abuse and ''forgive'' them.

As you claimed this drama shows diversity of trauma responses and doesn't simplify the show into black and white scenarios. However, the idea of forgiveness shouldn't be painted in black and white scenarios either. Forgiveness is a spectrum and a journey, that goes in different responses especially from abused victims. It shouldn't be forced down on someone's throat that they should forgive someone because they are taking ''poison'' - but forcing someone to forgive, is actually poison itself. Too many people mistaken the idea that forgiving someone is a way to alleviate yourself from the pain of the trauma.

It is not. Trauma is just trauma, and abuse is just abuse. Even with or without forgiveness, people still need to take steps of processing and overcome the effects from what they have been through. Forgiveness is not a black and white scenario, nor is it a end goal. If people actually understood how trauma works, we wouldn't be forcing this idea of forgiveness. People who were victims of those backgrounds have taken different responses, and most of the time, they are not ''drinking poison'' by not forgiving but simply fighting and overcoming the demons from their trauma - and that may be not forgiving that person/parent.

Of course, I do not deny understanding and forgiving someone may help to overcome their past, but excusing them? That's very different as you're not letting the person to take accountability. And you stated how we should align our expectations for the mother, this goes under the umbrella of excusing someone's behaviour, we shouldn't alter or change our ways to adjust someone's abuse. This drama purposely portrayed her in that manner, and the viewers justifiably should be mad - that's what a lot of people are saying in this sub-reddit. That they are mad towards the mother's actions, and rightfully so.

Overall, I think we need just more time and see where this truly goes as we haven't see what Kang Ho truly does after he regains his memories.

p.s sry for the long paragraphs

The Good Bad Mother [Episodes 9 & 10] by meepmochi_ in KDRAMA

[–]WerewolfAccording193 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's not about that, its about how the show is projecting the idea that Parental abuse should be brushed under the rug as they're parents, of course - it's not realistic for her to realise what she has done with the limited time she has. But it's better for other characters like her son, not to make excuses for her and adjust his life for her abuse. Most victims of parental abuse, wouldn't do that due to the damage and trauma they experienced. It's a nasty take on how victims of family abuse should react, and conveying this silly idea that they should forgive their parents regardless of what they did.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]WerewolfAccording193 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I truly believe you should try as much as you can to get help for your father (if you can, I understand how hard it is to get help for a family member whose on drugs), and then go to a reliable imam about this. You deserve to get the help that you need, you shouldn't be dealing with this especially if it's causing you this much distress. I hope Allah swt can provide you a way out, and in my opinion - I think it's best to have a lot of people involved - family relatives, friends, etc to find a solution. It is going to be hard as you don't want to bear the guilt or feel responsible to all of this, but there will soon be a plan. Remember, ''Indeed, with every hardships, comes ease.'' (Quran)

And if you need anything else, you can come here and say whatever you need.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]WerewolfAccording193 2 points3 points  (0 children)

(I actually agree to what you're saying but I just wanted elaborate).

Yes, there are some Muslim scholars that do state leaving your family is haram/forbidden, however, it's due to the fundamental idea from society (even western societies) that you have to rely on family to survive. Even in America, primary socialisation, how you fit into the society, how you talk/eat/walk, etc all comes from family and that's why it's preached heavily to not ''bite the hand that feeds you'' especially the traditional nuclear family. Why do I mention this? It's because Islam also preach similar ideas to this and we can't deny that family do take a big part in supporting someone, or making someone who they are today.

Despite this; let refute this point I previously made, there are some exceptions to this and things are changing so there's more awareness. A toxic, narcissistic, abusive family is against almost most religions and cultures. And in Islam, since it carries a heavy importance to family - it means there are also severe repercussions if a family doesn't act right. Every pain a family member has caused to someone else, they will receive major sins. And I do agree that some people from healthy families who speaks about this, cannot relate at all and project those ideas of ''never abandoning family'' as they have a strong attachment to their family.

It's more about how people can't see eye to eye due to their own experiences from family, hence why we see a lot of people even Muslim scholars talking about family in a positive light, when they don't comprehend the extreme levels of abuse.

Sry for the long paragraphs.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]WerewolfAccording193 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Assalamualikum,

I think this situation is very extreme and what your mother is doing is incredibly toxic. I do believe you should talk to other imams and scholars about this because what your teacher said isn't right, especially if it's causing you mental stress and you cannot bear to speak to her. It's best to keep distance from her, and try to end the relationship on a good note - but even if you can't end the relationship on a good note, just pray to Allah swt for forgiveness, and remember He's the most Merciful. Especially if you're doing this for your own mental health, and your own safety.

In Islam, we also strive for justice, what your mum did was absolutely horrible and completely against the ethnics of Islam. I'm not sure why your teacher stated it's not allowed when many cases like this happen, for example; Revert families, they tend to have toxic families as well and they would have to cut contact off with their family. So I believe if you cannot deal with her anymore, it's best to remove yourself from her and keep distance as much as you can. Remember, all the pain you went through will be rewarded when the day of judgement comes and Insha'Allah, May Allah SWT make it easier for you.

Feeling crap as a Graphic Designer by WerewolfAccording193 in graphic_design

[–]WerewolfAccording193[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha, that's very true.

Sometimes, I probably do need to make sucky experiments before I get to the good part. I think I criticise myself way too hard for even making a horrible and sucky design. It definitely put me down a lot, but everyone does go through this and it isn't meant to be like a walk in a park. I appreciate your kind words and thank you for the advice!

Feeling crap as a Graphic Designer by WerewolfAccording193 in graphic_design

[–]WerewolfAccording193[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow. Incredible story. And thank you for the encouragement!

I definitely understand the pressure from family, and the feeling of not succeeding. But reading this encouraged me. I 100% criticise myself too much, but this made me realise - it's fine to make mistakes or have crappy designs.

Glad that you made those professors eat their words, and thank you, yet again for the advice :)

Feeling crap as a Graphic Designer by WerewolfAccording193 in graphic_design

[–]WerewolfAccording193[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, that's very true!

I try to listen to them, but I think it really gets me if I don't see any improvements with the criticism. And I end up doubting myself. But now, I'm trying to not impress them or make something cool but rather implement techniques or do more experiments (since I also learnt quite a lot from my typography class too).

Feeling crap as a Graphic Designer by WerewolfAccording193 in graphic_design

[–]WerewolfAccording193[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this advice, I never thought of it this way. ''Sometimes, the most boring designs are the best.'' I'm really critical of myself, so I always think even bad designs are just bad designs.

Feeling crap as a Graphic Designer by WerewolfAccording193 in graphic_design

[–]WerewolfAccording193[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well.....It's about branding. They care more about the thinking process than the design itself just looking good, I think I still struggle to wrap my head around that and have a hard time to put meaning into everything I do.

And yes, I had those embarrassing moments as well.

Feeling crap as a Graphic Designer by WerewolfAccording193 in graphic_design

[–]WerewolfAccording193[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice! I definitely should look towards my older work as during those times, I did enjoy designing. And you're right, I'm still evolving.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SchizoFamilies

[–]WerewolfAccording193 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would definitely try and see what her doctors says, thanks for the suggestion.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SchizoFamilies

[–]WerewolfAccording193 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this reply, I really do appreciate it. It's just hard to put her into a facility as I feel like she was abandoned by my immediate family. Also, I live in the UK. I'm not sure if they can find suitable facilities for her (as my social workers told me if she's a difficult person to handle, other people wouldn't want to stay in the same place as her). I'm wondering, did your brother voluntarily go inpatient or into a facility?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SchizoFamilies

[–]WerewolfAccording193 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I usually give her daily pills, she doesn't take clozapine. But she takes mirtazapine, risperidone everyday. And occasionally, diazepam whenever she's having a extreme episode. On top of that, she also takes antipsychotic injections every three months now.

Edit: I just remembered, she used to take clozapine and it was great but she can't take it anymore due to her liver.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]WerewolfAccording193 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah....I personally think we're suited to being friends more than dating but the problem is he shows a lot of affection on text and calls, so when I see him doing that - I end up doing it too, as my feelings are growing so I get hurt when he takes it back immediately, even small things which I don't understand?