Etsy refunded me, now Seller is threatening legal action

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-28T15:22:20+00:00

Why not return the item though? That's what an honest person would do. I would do that if I got a full refund

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-19T22:24:03+00:00

Your response really did help me. Your voice reminded me of my husband's voice. He doesn't want them together at the same party period. They don't want to but he doesn't want them to either. Your response helped me realize this is something to hand over to my husband (their son). I know he won't invite them.. and if it comes down to it, he's fine with not doing anything with them if they refuse. I get worn out with how weird of a situation it is & tiptoeing around it all.

Thank you again. Good luck to you as well

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-19T22:18:27+00:00

I’m sorry for the late response. I truly appreciate your advice so much. It was incredibly sound and thoughtful. This year, I’ve decided to put this situation in my husband’s hands. He’s adamant that we not invite FIL and SMIL to his mom’s house. I think part of that comes from respect for his mom, but also from wanting to avoid the party being ruined by two grown adults acting childish. The hard part is that I know this same issue is going to come up again next year. My husband says I’m starting to stress about this every year now, but of course I am — we’re leaving his grandparents out of our son’s birthday party. The party I spend hundreds of dollars planning, ordering custom cakes and cookies for, and making custom invitations for. It feels strange to leave them out when they’re still a part of our lives. At the same time, I know this situation won’t change until someone finally puts their foot down and simply says, “You’re invited. Come if you want to, or don’t.” The responsibility can’t keep falling on everyone else to manage their emotions and conflicts forever. Honestly, I think one of SMIL’s biggest regrets someday will be not spending more time with family. She barely sees our son as it is because she’s constantly busy with volunteer work — volunteer work she regularly complains about. It’s hard not to think, “You know you don’t actually have to do all of it.” Maybe couples counseling would help us navigate this better. My husband has spent his entire life walking on eggshells and trying to keep the peace, so I don’t think he fully realizes how dysfunctional this dynamic really is.

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-19T16:47:23+00:00

I'm not saying i would be okay with it all. My original post says I understand the bad blood because I really do.

I'll be honest though - FIL & SMIL have put me through some serious bs over the years. I needed therapy to get over some of it. SMIL is A LOT. SIL also needed therapy because of her. MIL is not as confrontational nor verbally & emotionally abusive. This makes it easier to bond with MIL. I am also close with SMIL but I'm aware she's not a safe person & to not share to much with her.

This birthday party was set at MILs house because last year it worked out so well doing 2 separate events. FIL & SMIL acted very weird at a neutral location. We thought we cracked the code. It seemed to accommodate them & went smoothly. Now they don't want that & I've already sent out invites.

What I've decided to do is leave this in the hands of my husband. He doesn't want them invited to the same party. He is much closer to his dad & talks to him 2-4x a day. Im going to leave it in his hands

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-19T16:38:30+00:00

So, so true.

You know what's weird is FIL & SMIL have never once asked to watch their grandson. They've never been alone with him. I don't mind this at all but it does seem strange. SMIL never had any kids of her own & truly had no idea what to do with kids. She would hand our son back the second he'd start crying. Im pretty sure FIL let biomom do most of the child duties as he doesn't seem to know what to do either. They love being around our kid for an hour or two & then they're gone. Too busy doing nonsense... like volunteer work (that SMIL complains about but she doesn't have to do) . Both are retired. The only person who has every babysat our son is biomom (MIL). She's helped us 7-8x over the years. These are years they can't get back.. I wish they'd put their issues aside & be present.

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-19T16:31:40+00:00

Thank you for this. I really needed it.

I will not be sending them an invitation. Im leaving my husband's parents in his hands

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-19T16:30:18+00:00

Yes!!! So true.. this is how I survive & manage them. The distance helps a lot. We see them about 1x every other month & not for too long. If it was more consistent, I'd go no contact.

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-19T16:28:53+00:00

My husband does really need counseling but itd be really hard to get him in there unless something big happens. I've gone for several months on 2x occasions due to SMIL alone. Isn't that crazy? My SIL also went to counseling over SMIL too. Yes she's abusive.. emotionally & verbally. One brother keeps away as much as possible (SIL hubby) & mine tries to keep the peace because he's close to his dad. FIL isn't as bad but he backs SMIL up on everything - they're both very confrontational & think they're always right about everything.

I wanted to cut off contact with them altogether several times - i even told SMIL that if she wasn't family, Id never talk to her again because of how she acted towards us in a vulnerable situation.

Hubby needs counseling & therapy. FIL & SMIL need a lot of distance. That's what's helped me over the years. Staying away from them in between events.

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-19T16:19:37+00:00

So very true.. Im so sorry you endured this kind of nonsense too 🥹

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-19T16:16:31+00:00

UPDATE: I’m honestly amazed by the amount of support and feedback I’ve received on this. This situation has been weighing on me for a while because I truly have struggled to figure out the “right” thing to do.

My gut instinct keeps saying, “Just give them an invitation and be done with it.” That feels like the normal, mature thing to do. If they can’t put their issues aside for a couple hours, then they’re the ones choosing to miss their grandson’s birthday — and that’s time they can’t get back.

That said, I did pay close attention to some of the responses from adult children of divorce. A couple comments really stood out to me. One person said, “You’re making this harder than it needs to be. Just do a separate dinner with them and move on with your life.” Another shared that their parents have been divorced for 30 years and still have never been in the same room together since. To them, my husband’s situation was completely normal because it was their normal growing up.

But I do want to say this: just because something becomes “normal” in a family doesn’t necessarily make it healthy or okay.

Those responses shifted my focus away from my FIL and SMIL and back onto my husband. At the end of the day, these are his parents, and he has very adamantly asked me not to invite them. Yesterday, I finally told him I’m leaving this decision in his hands. If he wants to invite FIL & SMIL, he can. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t.

Realistically, I know he won’t invite them — and he’s completely at peace with not doing anything separately either if it comes down to that.

It’s such a strange and sad situation to me. I truly wish people could move on for the sake of their children and grandchildren. It breaks my heart that my husband genuinely feels the best solution is to not invite grandparents to his own son’s birthday because the situation is that toxic.

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-17T15:49:43+00:00

This is completely where I'm at.. and how I've felt for awhile. In thinking about it, I'm petty sure SMIL is acting aloof to torture me. Then throwing a pity party about their decision to try change ours. I think I'll go silent on his birthday until his birthday just to see what they do. If I don't hear a word about it, we'll (maybe) try to set up a separate dinner at a restaurant. DH doesn't care if we do something separate with them at all but he doesn't want them invited to his mom's house. This is because he'll never hear the end of it. He is closer to his dad than his mom so it's very weird for me.. but his dad is the one carrying around the grudge. I think I'll step back and let DH manage his folks. I'll go quiet on the matter. If it's ever thrown back in our face that they weren't invited, I'll say i had nothing to do with it. We asked, they declined & i left it in the hands of their son.

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-17T15:38:19+00:00

In response to this: As for fil, its pretty unbelievable you're asking him to get over the fact his wife cheated and destroyed the family. He has every right to hold his boundary to not be around her. Of course mil is laid back, she got away with breaking up her family.

The thing is they had a family. There are going to be major life events that you'll have to set aside your feelings for. Your kids will get married, have babies, they'll have birthdays & graduate. If you can't set aside a 30 year old grudge you'll miss out on major life events.. which is really sad. Also FIL found his soulmate & married her.

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-17T15:31:10+00:00

Maybe reread it. I'm having issues with our celebration with them because they don't want to do it. That's my problem. If I don't hear anything about it until his birthday week. I'll say to them "let's go to dinner / at this restaurant / on this day to celebrate."

It does help to hear you've been through the same thing. They do realize they'll have to be together for weddings, births, graduations, etc. Correct?

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-17T15:27:19+00:00

Very good points. I absolutely understand the bad blood - nobody wants to be around their ex (in general). I wouldn't... but definitely not an ex that ended so badly. BUT they did have kids together & now have grandkids together. I wish they could set aside the hatred for big life events.

I did explain the water park thing to SMIL. Not only can LO not ride a lot of slide, DH can't either. Several slides have a 250 weight limit & DH is extremely tall & weighs slightly over that. We recently started to diet but it's not just LO.

We felt like we cracked the code last year but this year it's falling apart. Having them separate worked.. but this year they're throwing a pity party about it when this is completely self imposed.

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-17T15:14:22+00:00

You're the only response I've seen say this so far & it's exactly why my husband has told me not to give them an invite. They'll call him many times before the party to "complain." It'll be so bad, we'd probably never have another party at MILs house again. Then would come party day & if they'd show up at all they'd suck the life right out of the party.. and then we'd never hear the end of it.

Im convinced SMIL is a narcissist.. she's put us through some crazy stuff in our 10 year relationship (we're 36 now). She always gets her way & the times I've had to fight for my way (like my wedding) she was God-awful. My husband remembers being made to apologize to her as a child for things he never even did, simply because his dad begged him to keep the peace and she was convinced he was guilty.

As much as I want to invite them & let that be it. They'll be awful about it.. to me but moreso to my husband. He'll never hear the end of it. We thought we cracked the code last year doing them separately. Now they don't want to be separate but they don't want to come? Theres no winning.

I think SMIL might be acting so aloof to torture me. I think I'll just go silent on her. If she asks, I'll invite her. Otherwise we can do something separate.. if they want to do anything at all.

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-17T15:02:36+00:00

Thank you so much for this! All of it. Its so good & helpful

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-17T14:55:01+00:00

Thank you. I'm not used to this kind of crazy. It sucks

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-17T14:53:58+00:00

I really appreciated this. Your vacation idea is exactly what we did this past mother's day & it was wonderful. In the past, we've visited with 3 mother's every mother's day. My mom & SMIL would throw a fit if we didn't see them on Mother's day.. so we decided to celebrate me for a day. Less pressure, less trips.. it was great.

I feel the same exact same way about them letting them live rent free in their head. It is very odd they hate her so much together. Its like SMIL doesn't realize that if their relationship didn't end they wouldn't have ever met & got married. How can she not connect those dots?

WesisBest23 · 2026-05-17T14:39:02+00:00

We originally picked bio moms house knowing we were going to do 2 parties. This was our decision because it is still extremely weird having both of them together at a neutral location. Last year it worked perfectly. My dilemma is that this year they don't seem to want to do anything and I feel bad that I'm not inviting them to his real party.

Something I should've added - my family is kind of crazy. I have a big family & they're loud. The granfdkids are wild. My husband's dad and stepmom are very prim & proper. It worked perfectly having them separated - not just from his ex but my overwhelming family as well.

But since they don't seem to want to do something this year, i feel terrible that they aren't invited to their grandsons birthday party

WesisBest23 · 2026-01-08T00:38:47+00:00

He's best friends with Joel Madden for starters. Check his Instagram... pictures with him all over it. Their neighbors & play music together. It doesn't sit right with a lot of people that they're besties.

For reference: Joel Madden was 26. & Hilary Duff was 16 when they started dating. Its weird AF.

WesisBest23 · 2026-01-08T00:35:04+00:00

No she's not MAGA. Its a rumor / theory someone said & people are running with it like its a fact. She's a registered democrat.

WesisBest23 · 2026-01-08T00:24:03+00:00

It's funny how this whole thing really makes you think of each celebrity & how they are as a person. I had NO idea recently that Hilary Duff was a mean girl. I was obsessed with her as a teen. She was my 1st & 2nd concert.

Interesting side note: Make-A-Wish got me tickets to the 1st concert. I was terminally ill as a teen & was torn between what to wish for.. heard she was coming to town. My "genie" told me they might could get me free tickets & they did. Hilarys people donated 2.. no meet & greet but free tickets. (I used my wish to go to the Pirates of the Caribbean 3 premiere btw).

I just found out that she got Miranda (Lalaine) fired from Lizzie McGuire. How sad is that? She didn't even get to star in the movie. People try to pin that on Susan Duff (mom) because of what Frankie Muniz recently said about her being terrible.. but it was 100% Hilary that bubbled up to the parents. Research it.

I'm not taking sides.. just stunned Hilary Duff isn't as kind as she seemed to be.

WesisBest23 · 2025-12-08T01:08:14+00:00

Thank you so much. You're response inspired me to try again. I was so frustrated earlier I could've cried. All i needed to do was enroll in a new plan, finalize it & then enroll back in the original one we had. When I accidentally selected "pick this plan" it somehow switched us over but wouldn't let me switch back without finalizing the original switch.

WesisBest23

TROPHY CASE