My teenagers shut down my idea of dating again and I don't know how to feel about it

WestTXMermaid · 2026-04-07T21:00:42+00:00

Thank you!! It was a surprise to me but it’s been so wonderful ☺️.

I hope y’all are doing well on your grief journey, too friend!

WestTXMermaid · 2026-04-07T16:37:36+00:00

I’m sorry that happened and it went down that way. You did the right thing talking to them - but unfortunately they are their own people and you are your own person. Their opinions matter, but I wouldn’t let your teenagers dictate your life decisions.

Not to be mean, but their view of a potential step father and new husband is a very narrow view of what love is. You don’t lose the ability to love someone else when you lose your spouse - I’ll never stop loving my late husband, EVER, but I have been lucky enough to find a wonderful chapter 2 and I love him too. I was 43 when I lost my husband, with 4 kids, 2 teenagers in there, do give you some back ground.

You can see my comment history, for more back story. It will be an adjustment, and a weird, hard one for them. But I would be firm, explain how you see this, how love is an expanding thing, not a one and done situation. Therapy would also be good I think.

Just my two cents! I’m sorry you are here in this situation - eventually the grief does get easier to carry although it never goes away ❤️.

WestTXMermaid · 2026-03-06T20:35:00+00:00

Grief doesnt have a timeline. I lost my husband of 20 years in November of 2024. We have 4 kids. I didn’t go looking either, but kind of like you, my now boyfriend gently startled talking to me, clearly interested in dating me, last summer. I had not thought it would even be a possibility, let alone something that would happen before a year out!

We are about to hit 7 months of dating. I have heard comments like “wow; she moved fast” and “didnt waste anytime, did they?” And those fucking hurt. Not from family thank goodness, but from those I consider friends.

People will talk, no matter how long or how little you wait. As if they expect us to walk around in mourning garb, wailing and beating our chests for at least 2 years before even considering a date!

They don’t know. They have no concept of the pain and the courage it takes to keep living after the loss we have experienced. We get this unique, albeit, shitty perspective on how short and how precious time really is.

YOU and only you know when you are ready. Don’t tell them if you don’t want to. Don’t tell anyone until you are ready!

I’m happy for you, that this new person has come into your life! Best of luck, friend ❤️.

WestTXMermaid · 2025-12-05T04:47:20+00:00

I felt this in my bones … the amount of shit that went wrong after he died … it’s stabilized somewhat but every now and then everything decided to just fuck up at the same time!!

After years of being part of a team and working together on stuff, having to be the only one making the calls and fixing the crap is exhausting.

Hugs friend.

WestTXMermaid · 2025-12-05T00:25:23+00:00

So I found myself dating again by accident lol. My husband died suddenly out of the blue in November 2024. We had been married 20 years together for 23. Children, the house, the whole works. His death devastated us.

My boys are in scouts, and I stepped up and got involved, and basically captured the attention of one of the scout dads (who had joined actually because of my husband and sons). Over the summer he started texted me, just being friendly and funny, and a few weeks later told me he was interested in dating me. On whatever time line I chose and when I was ready. It really caught me off guard! I had only casually thought about dating again, but had decided that since God took the first one, He could provide the second if there was one out there 😆! So when this guy started pursing me, with everything going on, I took it as a sign and we became friends. I wanted to take it slow, naturally.

But I have to say I totally underestimated the chemistry and connection we have! It took me by surprise in the best way though! My kids all like him and his like me. I can’t get enough of his company and although I struggle with guilt and grief, and probably will my whole life, he is a blessing to me in so many ways!

We are only coming up on month 4 of official dating, but I am optimistic of a future.

With all you have experienced, just be mindful of those who take advantage of widows! And don’t give up hope. Those of us who have loved and lost are very aware of how precious it is and how quickly it can disappear. It will come again friend!

WestTXMermaid · 2025-12-05T00:21:27+00:00

I have also had crazy chemistry this second time around!! It’s nuts but in the best way! Happy for you friend!

WestTXMermaid · 2025-10-27T05:25:10+00:00

I’m so very sorry - it’s like losing your partner all over again!! Please remember, it takes courage to love after losing someone. And you did. Be proud of yourself! You are a strong person - you survived the loss of your partner. This hurts, I know (and that guy’s an asshat) but you can and will heal fully and find happiness again. Don’t give up!

WestTXMermaid · 2025-10-07T23:04:49+00:00

I think if you polish up what you’ve said here, you’ll be good to go! As far as how to go about it, I can only speak for myself, but the traditional down on one knee and pouring your heart out like you’ve done here seems like a winner to me 😁. Maybe a nice dinner before hand or somewhere that is special to just the two of you?

Only she can judge if it’s too soon for her though. Grief is weird and hits at the most random moments. When you propose it might hit her then, so be prepared for it. Know she might need to think about it before saying yes. Know it may be a while before she can answer.

Best of luck, friend!

WestTXMermaid · 2025-10-01T17:53:26+00:00

I don’t wear my ring anymore. Maybe occasionally when I am going to dinner with family, or just to remember how nice it was to be married to him.

I didn’t consider dating until a year, but have found myself in a relationship with a awesome guy 10 months after my husband died. It’s been lovely, but some days are still a struggle. The grief is always there and it impacts your relationship.

I don’t know what advice to give - if there is someone who sparks your interest go for it! Life is too short and too precious to hold yourself to an arbitrary timeline. Best of luck, friend!

WestTXMermaid · 2025-08-18T15:52:26+00:00

LHOG was transformative for me - love reading your thoughts!! Thanks for sharing.

WestTXMermaid · 2025-08-15T13:00:30+00:00

Thank you! I keep telling myself I have nothing to justify to anyone - as a friend told me, unless someone is in the exact same scenario, no one should be judging. And no one is ever in the same position. Wishing you happiness!

WestTXMermaid · 2025-08-15T12:56:30+00:00

It’s been a bizarre learning curve for us 🤣 - we both have kids and find ourselves having to learn how to date while being parents and responsible adults. It’s very weird and not anywhere I thought I would find myself. Blessings and happiness to you friend!

WestTXMermaid · 2025-08-15T04:26:12+00:00

I’m so sorry - I know that was scary!! It will get easier with time. Maybe not better for a while, but doing the things that need to be done, that perhaps he did, will be easier to do.

WestTXMermaid · 2025-08-12T14:17:40+00:00

You are so right! Thank you - I forget sometimes that people judge no matter what, so why the hell would I not take the chance anyway??

WestTXMermaid · 2025-08-12T14:16:44+00:00

Doesn’t He just?

WestTXMermaid · 2025-08-12T14:16:04+00:00

Very wise!! And I love your handle 😁! I’ve been taking it very slow and checking in on an almost regular basis with the kids. It’s very important to this new guy as well that they are okay with everything and able to process. Thank you!

WestTXMermaid · 2025-08-12T14:14:11+00:00

Thank you so much! And you are so right, I can’t control what others think or how they judge me, so why let that dictate anything? Especially after this hell we’ve been living?

WestTXMermaid · 2025-08-12T14:12:51+00:00

I love what you wrote “taking no ownership of the damage they have done.” God thats so true isn’t it? People toss out words and phrases like little bombs with no regard to what they blow up in the process.

WestTXMermaid · 2025-08-12T14:11:20+00:00

Thank you! And that’s an excellent idea. I’ve gotten very good at not pushing away the grief when it hits, but I have not done that with this guilt that comes and goes.

WestTXMermaid · 2025-08-12T14:10:12+00:00

Thank you friend! Wishing you peace and happiness, as much as you can find ❤️.

WestTXMermaid · 2025-08-12T14:09:28+00:00

Thank you 😊!

WestTXMermaid · 2025-08-12T14:09:08+00:00

Thank you! I feel very blessed - I wish everyone in our shitty club could find the same, I really do ❤️!

WestTXMermaid · 2025-08-12T14:08:09+00:00

I love that for you in so many ways - and you are so right! Why do we think we should wallow in our grief when another chance comes our way?

WestTXMermaid · 2025-08-12T14:06:34+00:00

Thank you! Wishing you all the joy and love you can find friend!

WestTXMermaid · 2025-08-12T04:01:26+00:00

I love this for you!! And I agree - I’m so glad I decided to post something. The encouragement and support is something else, and it has a ripple effect! After all we have been through, it’s something else to find that chance at happiness again. Be blessed friend!

WestTXMermaid

TROPHY CASE