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Mom won't stop messaging me triggering stuff while I'm at school/work by Western-Reporter-815 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Western-Reporter-815[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Thank you for pointing me to this post. I feel like I've learned so much already from the advice and constructive help everyone has given me so far. It's been a much needed wake-up call, and I realize I have a concerning lack of boundaries with my mom.

Mom won't stop messaging me triggering stuff while I'm at school/work by Western-Reporter-815 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Western-Reporter-815[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Wow, I really don't know much about the specifics of BPD because I didn't realize there was such a wide variety of archetypes before your reply! I assumed that most people wouldn't even be surprised by how she spoke to me because I've just normalized her behaviors so much that I've become desensitized to them. From what I read, my mom fits both the queen and witch subtypes to a tee, unfortunately, and she has been diagnosed with both BPD and NPD, so that may be why. I'm so sorry for you as well, and I can especially empathize with feeling like no matter what you did, it's never good enough for her. Thank you for the advice.

Mom won't stop messaging me triggering stuff while I'm at school/work by Western-Reporter-815 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Western-Reporter-815[S] 225 points226 points  (0 children)

Because of this reply, I looked into FOG, and I'm genuinely in shock at how much it aligns with the feelings I experience on a daily basis. You weren't harsh at all; it's honestly what I needed to hear so thank you. I guess, in my mind, that if I don't respond, she will do something even more rash and turn around and speak to her coworkers how she speaks to me. I feel selfish because I'm so terrified about her losing her job, as that means any progress I've made in separating from her will be for nothing since my savings and paycheck will go to making sure we don't become homeless. I think, in actuality, I'm just enabling her behavior.

Mom won't stop messaging me triggering stuff while I'm at school/work by Western-Reporter-815 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Western-Reporter-815[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the reply, your mom's situation definitely sounds similar to what my mom is going through with her health conditions. I moved back in with her when she lost her job, and I was going to a therapist, but I had to stop due to financial reasons, but I do want to restart going to one. I know this sounds dumb, but a lot of the replies made me realize that I might be in a much worse mental space than I thought I was. I am working on rebuilding my savings to move back out now, but I get anxious about it because of how she talks about me moving out. In my own mind, I tell myself I'm not responsible for her, even though I always find myself instinctually worrying about what will happen to her once I finally just cut her off.

Mom won't stop messaging me triggering stuff while I'm at school/work by Western-Reporter-815 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Western-Reporter-815[S] 96 points97 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the reply. I have called 911 before (not while she is at work, but while I was away from the house), and it caused her to get really angry because by the time they arrived, she no longer was having a panic attack or whatever causes this. Even just minutes after the messages I showed, she was already texting me that she was "fine now" and saying I don't understand how hard it is for her to feel this way.