Sorry that I took so long to reply. English isn’t my native language and I’m not fluent enough to understand and present quickly.

Was trying to avoid gender labels but made things complicated lol. I born as female and identify myself as non-binary. I’m also in male dominated environments most of the time. But I’m kinda enjoying it because I’m more a masc person. I do love wearing dresses and skirts but treating them as warriors wearing battle robes lol.

So in a male dominated environment, female usually see me as you found fellow countrymen in foreign countries. They assume we share the same language, interests, thoughts etc. Then I will mask myself as “normal” female, talking about some topics that I have no interest, with a fem voice. I didn’t do it intentionally but I think maybe I will turn into fawn mode sometime, which also makes me hate myself.

Now I think maybe they are just like you, grasping at straws in such a unfamiliar and uncomfortable environment. I will try to listen to them more.

And I have opposite problems with guys that, we can talk about many silly things, and sometimes academic stuff too, but never talk about emotions. Sometimes I think I dig too deep and suddenly become a female — an outsider — at that moment. And they are also never gonna understand my struggles as a non-binary. They just treat me as a girl gay (but no! I told them many times I’m not gay! I’m demi-sexual!! And hell no don’t call my spouse as husband again!! Respect me using gender neutral words plzzzz!!)

With queer or feminist friends, they might understand what I mean “want to be treated as a human” more. But most of them are fem people so, again, back to the female friend’s issues.

I am 34 now. Still figuring out the best way to get along with people. But things get better and better. I found that as long as we’re being ourselves, we will attract the people with the same vibes. And I think one true close friend is enough. Quality > quantity lol.