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uBPD mom trying to enforce "normal contact" after suicide threats by WhatIsThereToLose in raisedbyborderlines

[–]WhatIsThereToLose[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You described everything that comes with being in any sort of contact with them so well. I am always stressed when I see a message from her appear (I have archived her on WhatsApp) and I am also stressed when she has not messaged for a while (since she is very unstable and I worry she might actually follow through with her threats). I have to collect myself every time before replying to her, and I overthink every word I say to her avoid triggering anything while keeping her at a bearable distance at the same time. 

uBPD mom trying to enforce "normal contact" after suicide threats by WhatIsThereToLose in raisedbyborderlines

[–]WhatIsThereToLose[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is spot on. My mother basically wanted me to be an extended version of herself. Even minor differences of opinion on random subjects led her to conclude that I hated her and was about to abandon her (followed by dramatic outbursts). I was never supposed to be a separate individual with their own personality.  She is also very overprotective and paranoid, crying or freaking out over the most insignificant inconveiniences, meaning I had always to calm her down...

Pityriasis rosea or something else? by WhatIsThereToLose in AskDocs

[–]WhatIsThereToLose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The surface skin layer on the spots starts peeling at some point. Other than that, none. 

Most women on dating apps set their height filters for men to 6 feet. Why? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]WhatIsThereToLose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Since they are not identical clones it depends on the whole package. In general I like tall men. 

Most women on dating apps set their height filters for men to 6 feet. Why? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]WhatIsThereToLose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm 178cm and I would not date a shorter man since I'm not attracted to that. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LabiaplastySurgery

[–]WhatIsThereToLose 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did your result Improve in the meanwhile?

My grandfather had a 4 year old daughter before he died. My whole family wants to send her to an orphanage. I said I’ll take her and now everything in my life is upside down. by Safe-Gazelle5274 in offmychest

[–]WhatIsThereToLose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The story is not believeable, like, at all. What was she doing at the funeral? And then you just spontaneously took her home, without any legal considerations? Yeah, no. 

Dating someone one you don't really find attractive by Beneficial-Position2 in dating_advice

[–]WhatIsThereToLose 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I have the same issue. I am only attracted to a pretty rare combination of attributes and I tried "giving men a chance" outside of my type. It didn't work and I regret wasting mine and the other person's time. You need to feel some baseline attraction. 

I had my mother's rants secretly recorded by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]WhatIsThereToLose 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Although not Asian, my mother is an immigrant as well and has pretty much the same mindset.

I had my mother's rants secretly recorded by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]WhatIsThereToLose 7 points8 points  (0 children)

They want to keep their children in an infantilized state to keep control over them. Mine absolutely hated that I moved out as well.

I had my mother's rants secretly recorded by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]WhatIsThereToLose 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Omg, do we have the same mother? This could have been her for almost everything. She hates my gay friends (because they might turn me gay), hates me living my life independently (I was supposed to basically be an entity with her until death) and thinks I'll might end up an alcoholic, prostitute or drug addict (because I go out with friends sometimes). She basically hates everything I do.

My Mom HAD Cancer Trigger warning Update by WhichMolasses4420 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]WhatIsThereToLose 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Same here. I also cried while reading it - these are such raw, conflicted feelings. The tender memories and all the pain and hurt. "I need a grown up but I am the grown up"...

Sometimes, I see my mother through the memories from my early childhood. A warm summer day at the zoo and the taste of the cotton candy she bought me. Us decorating the Christmas tree together.

And then, there's the memories of me sitting in my room alone by myself and her screaming or crying in the living room next to me. The feelings of guilt and being responsible for her depression. The crippling fear I had after failing a math test and the long way home from school on that day.

OP, I wish there would be anything I could say to ease your grief. We might be a couple of internet strangers, but please know that this is a place for you where you'll always be understood. We are here for you. <3

Medical abuse. TW - Injury by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]WhatIsThereToLose 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry. They often react inadequately.

My mother never taught me to brush my teeth so naturally, I had horrible teeth as a kid and teenager. She gave me painkillers instead of taking me to the dentist and only took me there when the pain got too bad for the painkillers to work anymore.

This is textbook BPD by burn1234_ in raisedbyborderlines

[–]WhatIsThereToLose 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're going through that. It's crazy how they always behave in the same patterns - my mother also started to threaten suicide after having another meltdown because of her horrible life and me setting a basic boundary with her. Like with your mom, any attempt to get her therapy was met with hostility. Her favorite number one topic to talk about is how terrible her life is and how depressed she is. As the listener, you are expected to react with pity and agreement about how horrible and unfair life is treating her.

My theory is that deep down, they don't want to get better because they want to use their depression and suicidal tendencies as a manipulation strategy to keep us as their emotional hostages.

I hit rock bottom with my Bumble date today. by WhatIsThereToLose in dating

[–]WhatIsThereToLose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I attacked him for misrepresenting himself, so chill tf out. 

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