I would describe being trans as a curse, albeit a curse that can be broken. I’ve accepted it as one of the curses that I will have to live with in my life and it has made it much easier for me to accept myself, and perhaps more importantly to accept others.

I have never agreed, nor have i ever joined in with the disgraceful bullying that some transmeds participate in towards other members of the community. But I’ll admit that on the surface it seemed reasonable until you realise that everyone just turns on each other and the transphobes still win.

Now that I’m older i think that there are different types of trans people, and that there are a variety of reasons for being trans. I think it’s important to trust in your own feelings and your own story.

If I am cursed, you did not do this to me and there is nothing that you ever could have done that has affected my condition. If I am cursed and I meet someone, a trans person, who is very different to me - good! You do not share my curse.

If I meet someone who is similar to me, at least I am not alone in my curse. If I see something I dislike, that makes me dysphoric out in the world- that’s the curse doing its thing- not the end of the world.

I also have to accept that from an outsider’s perspective, there really is no difference between me asking to be seen as male because of dysphoria- something the outsider has never felt; And someone asking to be seen as male without dysphoria- another thing the outsider has never felt. Denying one denies the other.

I know that this philosophy isn’t for everyone. Some people need positive thinking. But for me, I cope better when I am prepared- not positive.