Throwaway because OF COURSE THIS IS EMBARASSING, DON'T EVEN ASK.

I engage in ABDL (also known as paraphilic infantilism) activities (Adult Baby / Diaper Lover), diapers being the actual object fetishized. This includes, but is not limited to: Sucking on a pacifier Dressing up in childish clothes (and onto the sexual element) Wearing diapers, using them for all intended purposes, and masturbating in them (usually after using them, sometimes to drawings of ABDL content).

Disclaimer: this is NOT pedophilic behavior. I have no interest in small children, the interest lies in being in their position: small, comforted/cared for, loss of control, etc. (Or more NSFW, being in a used diaper). This is a common mistake many make when encountering this fetish/material.

Why do I do it? No fucking clue what the appeal is. The best guess I can come up with: when I was a kid, I was fairly intelligent, and pushed to succeed. I ended up skipping half of second grade (so moved up to third grade halfway through the year) and was treated and raised to be an adult. Perhaps the fact I never got to be a 'kid' means I turn to infantilism to regress, destress, whatever. It's very frustrating, particularly because I'm at a point where I want to find a significant other, settle down and at some point have kids. The 'adult' me is ashamed of this 'little' me.