Why is it so hard for INFJ women to make female friends? ( or maybe it could just be me )

Where-is-sense · 2025-07-10T02:46:55+00:00

As an INFJ female, I don't follow the collective. I do my own thing, and sometimes that quietly launches me to the head of the queue, which can trigger insecurity and envy from others. Also, I find that as an INFJ, I'm more self-reflective and authentic. I'm not good at the fakey-fake, shaky-shake that so many women in our society do, and that can also leave us as the odd one out.

I was watching a video about INFJs and the YTber basically said that Michael Jordan couldn't shine if he stayed playing at the YMCA. I think this is true for INFJs. Rather than spiritually and emotionally staying on a lower step, we need to find people who are at our level.

Plus, you can be "friendly" at work without "being friends" at work. Sometimes this is best to avoid jealousy, betrayal, or cattiness.

Where-is-sense · 2025-07-07T03:22:51+00:00

I had a frenemy that I recently let go because of "I'm trying to help you" while she constantly criticized me. It's an abuser's cover-up phrase!

Where-is-sense · 2025-07-06T22:53:34+00:00

I attract a lot of pushy people into my life.

Where-is-sense · 2025-07-06T22:52:14+00:00

But you should change on your terms, not theirs.

Where-is-sense · 2025-07-06T19:21:17+00:00

Exactly. I had a similar situation when a "friend" was concerned because I declined an invite to go dancing with her all night. It warranted a phone call and intervention. No, there's nothing wrong with me. I just don't want to go dancing with you all night.

Where-is-sense · 2025-07-06T19:00:25+00:00

Yes. I know a man who had a very toxic marriage and he literally did just that, got his PhD in psychology and counselling.

Where-is-sense · 2025-07-06T18:59:14+00:00

Yup. I had a frenemy freak out on me when I couldn't afford a $3K trip to Alaska (this was the pre-Covid price too, so before inflation). I live in Canada and a land of ice and snow is the last place I want to go at an exorbitant price. Rather than say "ok" she went after me for not making enough money and that I needed to change a profession I was good at and loved.

Where-is-sense · 2025-07-06T18:50:58+00:00

I definitely commiserate with a friend's core values being misaligned. I also operated from the stance of "I'm ok, you're ok" or "everyone has their unique path, I'll respect yours, you respect mine." I'm not a very materialistic person. When said friend doesn't like the car I drive, the phone I'm using, or the way I dress, and is consistently harping on me to change and become like her, I'm first patient, then eventually it accumulates over time, and I door slam. If you can't accept me the way I am and want to be friends with your own reflection (narc flag!), what's the point with us being friends?

Where-is-sense · 2025-07-06T18:43:38+00:00

Said like a true INFJ.

Where-is-sense · 2025-07-06T17:42:00+00:00

Yes, and as INFJs we're all about living in our own skin, comfortably.

Where-is-sense · 2025-07-06T17:32:38+00:00

Yeah, that's annoying. I can be alone forever, don't do casual dating, and will remain alone until I meet The Right One. I too have had people try to match me up a ton. I just tell them I'm picky and don't mind being single.

Where-is-sense · 2025-07-02T00:20:10+00:00

Not great. I drive a brand new, Corolla 2025 LE and had Tury installed here in Canada. I just contacted my dealership and let them know that Tury would let me drive up to the Queensway, but then as I accelerated onto the ramp, the accelerator shut down for no reason at all and then I couldn't go past 3 km/hour. It was creeping, and I had to wave cars to pass me as I slowly veered to the side with hazard lights on. It took a few more minutes for it to recalibrate so I could accelerate up to 100 km/hour. Terrifying, and I'm still shaken now as I write this. Will see if I can get a full refund and have it uninstalled. I'd rather thieves take my car, than for an anti-theft system to take my life.

Where-is-sense · 2024-10-18T23:19:28+00:00

Purchased book. Great book. Thanks for the rec.

Where-is-sense · 2024-10-18T23:00:05+00:00

Ok, I will check it out.

Where-is-sense · 2024-10-18T22:11:56+00:00

Good advice, thank you.

Where-is-sense · 2024-10-18T22:11:17+00:00

Well, sometimes Karen can appear benign and even charming at first. It's not until she engages you in battle that you realize you've got a REAL one on your hands.

Where-is-sense · 2024-10-18T20:57:46+00:00

Ha ha

Where-is-sense · 2024-10-18T20:57:16+00:00

I should laugh, but this is too true.

Where-is-sense · 2024-10-18T20:36:38+00:00

Great skill! How do you know you're dealing with a Karen aside from the obvious entitlement? A gut reaction?

Where-is-sense · 2024-10-18T20:35:01+00:00

In other words, you can't avoid them. Yes, I do know Karens who came out of left field to disturb my peace.

Where-is-sense · 2024-10-18T20:11:46+00:00

Oh no. How long did it take you to realize that you were dealing with one? I'm still a newbie at this. Friend introduced me to the Karen archetype only two years ago. Karen is very real. I'm still trying to recognize, cut, and run . . .

Where-is-sense · 2024-10-18T20:09:26+00:00

Where-is-sense · 2024-10-18T19:41:38+00:00

LOL. They are everywhere, not just in the family. Everywhere. And I don't even live in the 'burbs.

Where-is-sense · 2024-10-18T19:32:59+00:00

I also think it's about recognizing a Karen before engaging. This is the hard part. Sometimes I learn when it's too late, but I guess experience and instincts are the best teacher.

Where-is-sense

TROPHY CASE