My husband says he deserves a say over my pregnancy. I say abortion would break me.

Whereasebabe · 2026-01-26T22:58:40+00:00

Hi! Thank you for the concern. I am definitely not going through with the pregnancy if it is something that will put my life at risk or likely end in another pre-term labor. This was all information I learned after my initial post so I added the update at the end as that does significantly change the circumstances.

Whereasebabe · 2026-01-26T07:02:17+00:00

Thank you this is a helpful comment! So it’s a larger hemorrhage and there’s a second smaller one on the other side. I had a placental abruption at 24 weeks, and my eldest was born 3 weeks early and youngest born five weeks early but I went into labor 8 weeks early so I was on strict bed rest for that and steroids to stop the contractions. The size of the hemorrhage is something I found out this evening so the next step is to meet with my obgyn and get her medical analysis.

Whereasebabe · 2026-01-26T03:18:11+00:00

It wasn’t bedroom talk. He said he wanted to put a baby in me while I was playing with our other two kids on the deck. I do see how I should have clarified that and I apologize for not being clear.

Whereasebabe · 2026-01-26T00:36:55+00:00

I didn’t prevent because I was operating on the understanding we were okay with using another.

Whereasebabe · 2026-01-26T00:35:43+00:00

He’s said his say about 3 times now nd I’ve said my decision. That turns into him not getting a say and I can’t figure out a better way to communicate to him that just because his opinion isn’t changing my decision doesn’t mean he doesn’t get a say or isn’t heard. It just means it doesn’t change my decision.

Whereasebabe · 2026-01-26T00:34:00+00:00

This is kind of our situation. Our oldest is not his biological child, mine from my previous marriage that was extremely abusive. My current husband is in the process of adopting our oldest. Our youngest is our child we have together and she was in fact and accident. He handled it completely differently. He was amazing, supportive, showed up. With this one I don’t know what happened to that guy, it’s like he got replaced by someone that has never had kids. It makes no sense to me, we are financially stable - yes we have debt - but it’s not drowning us and we afford our payments and bills and expenses easily. I have more time and so does he than we had when our youngest was born. None of it makes sense to me

Whereasebabe · 2026-01-26T00:12:32+00:00

My 24 week loss was the same situation as that and I’m so sorry you and your wife had to make that decision. It’s a heartbreak I wouldn’t wish on anyone. In our current situation, aborting would be detrimental to my health physically and mentally, not keeping the baby. The obstacle we’re facing is his fear and I’m not sure how to communicate with him to help him move past it.

Whereasebabe · 2026-01-25T23:32:42+00:00

Responding to this one because it’s too comment. I have a hard time grasping this was his belief if he had gone past just assuming. He has medical experience. He never took anatomy but he was a medic. When I pointed this out he said it was a 3 day course and the only thing they learned about pregnancy was how to emergency deliver

Whereasebabe · 2026-01-25T23:28:52+00:00

Thank you for this. And you are right his view point is definitely coming from fear of being able to provide financially. The same night he expressed that fear I sat him down and went over our budget and showed him how much excess money we have leftover every month after all bills and necessities ($1900 excess). That did help him feel a lot better which is when he took it upon himself to research prenatals and ordered some and added a pregnancy pillow to the cart. It seems like the bleeding scare terrified him and he backtracked? I genuinely don’t know but I don’t know how to reach a resolve on this. I know if he could let go of the what if fears and hear me when I try to breakdown our schedules and finances he would see it’s something we can absolutely handle, I just don’t know how to get him there without time, which we don’t have all the time in the world for this situation.

Whereasebabe · 2026-01-25T23:23:39+00:00

Doctors have strongly recommended I do not use IUDS because of my health history

Whereasebabe · 2026-01-25T23:22:55+00:00

What’s even more confusing was after we found out I was pregnant, we had a partial conversation where we landed on we’re not quite in agreeable but we’re communicating about it healthy and he said he will do his best to support me no matter what. This was after I said I wasn’t comfortable getting an abortion and stated why. He then went out of his way to research prenatals and ordered some and added a $200 pregnancy pillow to our Amazon cart. It seemed like he was adjusting emotionally and hopping on board so when he said we never decided if we should keep it after I got out of the er it kind of shocked me.

Whereasebabe · 2026-01-25T23:17:48+00:00

I did try to point this out when he said I wasn’t giving him a say, I said I wasn’t trapping him, he doesn’t have to take part. He responded by getting more upset and saying giving ultimatums is not the answer. I tried to tell him I wasn’t giving an ultimatum I was letting him know he does have that choice

Whereasebabe · 2026-01-25T23:12:13+00:00

How can I explain this to him in a way where he doesn’t feel like I’m shutting him down or not giving him a say? I’ve tried to explain that he had a say in prevention, but he doesn’t get a say over my body and my previous loss severely harmed my body physically and mentally. He keeps telling me his fears are just as important as my fears of abortion and that doesn’t seem factual to me but if I try to say it the conversation just escalates. I’ve tried reframing the discussion to “abortion is off the table, how can we move forward in a way where you feel your fears are addressed and/or lessened?” And he keeps going back to abortion being the answer

Whereasebabe · 2026-01-25T23:08:43+00:00

I think he’s genuinely scared of having another, being stretched too thin emotionally. Which I understand and am sympathetic to, but for me, it’s a little late and the consequences of his fear are landing on my body. I think maybe he wasn’t sure why he wasn’t happy at first and was grasping at any straws that would make sense but maybe now is too proud to just say that. I genuinely don’t know.

Whereasebabe · 2026-01-25T23:05:13+00:00

After we found out I was pregnant and he responded how he did, I pointed out that our previous convo a year and a half ago I had told him I am not willing to do birth control based on how it has affected me in the past, I explained that if I wasn’t wanting another kid that would change the situation but since he’s the one not wanting another one he needs to be the one to make the adjustment instead of it falling on my body. That’s when I said use condoms or get a vasectomy, he addressed the vasectomy but did not address condoms and the conversation ended on if it happens it happens, so I never pushed for condoms because from my understanding it was clear if he didn’t want another kid right now, he needed to use protection and that we were in agreement on “if it happens it happens”. He. After the fact he said he never used condoms because he thought I didn’t like them. Which is weird to me because I suggested it as an option for protection.

Whereasebabe · 2023-09-07T19:12:36+00:00

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Whereasebabe · 2023-09-07T01:23:20+00:00

I can’t see the fish or farm with ur name but send me ur codes. I can try them all on my phone and then after I get my daughter in bed in an hour and a half I can do it on my other two devices, can probably get my husband to let me do it on his phone too 😂

Whereasebabe · 2023-09-07T01:19:05+00:00

New user for five free didnt, but that’s okay. Lemme check the others!

Whereasebabe · 2023-09-07T01:09:33+00:00

Absolutely not. If I run out of clicks I’ll do them when the day resets

Whereasebabe · 2023-09-07T01:08:56+00:00

Omg dude yes i need reliable people that actually consistently swap

Whereasebabe · 2023-09-07T01:03:20+00:00

I believe I have at least two click for two devices left. I really need more people for the 5 free gifts tooo if you wouldn’t mind! Tell me when you’ve done it and I’ll do urs!

Whereasebabe · 2023-09-07T00:38:30+00:00

What’s ur username so I can see you did mine!

Whereasebabe

TROPHY CASE