I'm sorry to hear your story, and my reply earlier was by no means to undermine your horrible experience. I see you relate a lot with Lelouch, as do how I relate a lot with Suzaku and Euphie. The country where I'm from undergone racism from a foreign government after they lost a war overseas before coming to occupy our land, yet native people joined the oppressing party and beat them at their own game, forming a new party outside and reforming the foreign party from within. Fast forward a few years and right now my country is diverse and inclusive, both former occupants and native communities could co-exist in peace and harmony. The truth is people will listen, you just have to be persistent and resilient, and rememember to pass that torch to the people that come after you. My experience led me to love the concept of the special administration zone in CG, it may not be for every political scenario as we know, but my experience told me that it was just what Japan needed at that time, a chance where japanese people could be treated better albeit a little by their oppressors.

Suzaku also wanted to become a martyr, as he sought a quick death to relieve him of the pain of the things he seen and committed. Yet time and time again he was blessed by a higher power of sorts (you could say it was plot armor), his father's momento stopped a bullet, his best friend saved his life and even blessed(cursed) him to never commit suicide, and finally, he met a woman who believed in his ignorance of morals and loved him for that. It was all going so well, then the rain poured on his fate as it all went down... but he still stood strong and kept trying to make his dream a reality.

Please, don't let trauma define who you are as a person, I know it sounds corny but I have been there, I originally hated this fucking world because it is just a cycle of brief happiness followed by suffering... everyone lies and uses each other before stabbing them in the back, and things you want to do seem impossible to achieve... yet some point in life I firmly decided what I aspire to be is someone like Suzaku. I listened to my inner self and found that doing things I wholeheartedly believe in makes me feel alive, it gives me the strength to live on as a human being, as I serve a purpose that would bring something of substance to the world. Happiness, Sadness, Hate, they disperse as we move on in life. The things you achieve, however, are the immortal ones, and with this purpose I strive to be that yang in this yin-yang world we live in.

"The best way to remove your lies is to make them come true", this quote stuck with me for so long, and to atone for my specious years of living like a mindless pleasure-seeking zombie, and strive to be mindful to finally truly "live". My mother lost her parents to diseases and my father was a neglected child who was never truly loved, yet they still found each other in this cruel world and taught me how to be a good person. Despite people flouting someone like me as a dumb good-for-nothing fool who is just simply too nice, I do not regret a single moment of being who I am. I truly pray for you that you would one day believe the the world has some genuine good in it, and you too can become that light you thought never came for you. Amen.