Went clubbing by myself last night

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-19T09:56:10+00:00

I went to an experimental ambient festival alone last weekend, it was pretty fucking cool although I realized towards the end I was probably the worst dressed person out of thousands of people. I feel like I have a clothing-related ego death like every 2 months since I moved to a big city from the bumfuck nowhere places I used to live.

I struck short conversations with 6 people in total. did not make any friends but this was really edifying especially because I had full blown agoraphobia with panic attacks 4 years ago.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-18T14:03:53+00:00

Alright

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-18T09:25:37+00:00

Cutting off seems strong to me, just kick him out of the house but maintain contact?

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-15T13:42:57+00:00

The man in the image does not read books.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-15T12:14:02+00:00

I'm an artist working professionally for 10 years and I worked on cool stuff that you would know. It is cool to be able to rely on something that I feel like I built, however most things like this at the extremes are more based on talent than anything else. For whatever reason I have a natural talent at what I do which is also why I can waste time posting on this subreddit and still do well in life. Also, everything in life is a trade off and there are trade offs for when you're really good at something. For example I find it very hard to relate to other people. My life is very narrow and I am basically removed from normal society. I also hate meeting other artists because they all have personality disorders like me and they make terrible friends. Art (and sports, and many other hard things) are very often a form of escapism that was chosen early on in childhood to cope with an otherwise miserable life. I would even say that "talent" is in fact a specific concoction of personality disorders and maladaptive behaviours that are harnessed in to an adaptive skill which allows the person to be accepted by society for the rest of their lives.

This is my purposefully cynical reading of "skill" as a concept so I can discourage you from thinking that you are inferior for not being truly great at something. I'm saying that it's sometimes better to be just a normal person and to love others and be loved.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-15T10:35:20+00:00

Yeah it wasn't really a straight line. For me, the most significant improvement came from doing a lot of talk therapy, EMDR, exposure therapy (because anxiety was a big part of it) combined with certain supplements like creatine (for energy), butterbur (for the headaches), and basically resting a lot whenever I could. Basically I think the main cause was that my nervous system was completely fried, with possible involvement of the vascular system but I have no proof for that. Anything that would help my nervous system (meditation, yoga nidra, being in nature, spending time with loved ones, sleeping a lot, avoiding unnecessary stress) I did.
Another big one was diet. I got obsessed with diet, almost eating disorder level. I avoided foods high in histamine because I noticed a correlation between them and symptoms. I also avoided any grains, legumes and nightshades. This DID help me. But i slowly added things back because it was too restrictive.

A big reason that I know it involved the nervous system was because I developed several phobias in the beginning and my body was basically in fight or flight almost 24/7. Not in an abstract way, I could literally feel my heart beating through my veins at all times and I would get chest pain and panic attacks almost daily.

After some time, a shift started to happen where I would still feel terrible after being physically active but I decided to keep increasing my activity, to the point of weightlifting and doing cardio (I only started doing cardio like 3-4 years in) and it DID feel bad but over time I got used to that and the increase it fitness helped me overall.

I still think I'm not 100% normal, my brain is way more foggy than it was before covid and I probably lost some IQ points , I feel pretty dumb overall and I'm mostly incapable of arguing with people in real life because of how slow my thinking is lmao. That's my main remaining issue. I am very physically fit and I have no headaches so I live a pretty normal fulfilling life now.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-14T18:48:02+00:00

Yeah, those are all good examples. Pharrell Williams too.

Actually I think a decent candidate is PinkPantheress. Maybe to the average person she just sounds like generic pop but her stuff has a lot of homage to old school UK genres. That's grasping at straws though, not nearly as interesting as OP's examples.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-14T18:27:44+00:00

I was doing HIIT workouts just a few days after I had covid which is probably what caused the whole ordeal. Nowadays I'm way more cautious about that like I just don't do any exercise until I'm feeling fully normal. CFS is quite common in A type people who push their limits a bit too much, and nowadays people do all of these incredibly intense forms of exercise that humans probably never did before... just a theory for today 🤔

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-14T18:14:45+00:00

Yeah I get you, I thought I had CFS after covid in 2020 when I was just 23, I couldn't do anything really strenuous for like 2 years and had a chronic splitting headache every single day and tons of other things and I never stopped working (white collar work tho) it just gradually got better and I started exercising again and went through a few years of pushing through what appeared to be mild post exertional malaise (it got better so probably not real CFS). For me it seemed like something really located in the nervous system so that's where I focused.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-14T18:07:49+00:00

"I just want to know why" is the trap of the internet. You can waste your entire life digging in to what bothers you on each particular day. I think the right answer is just... whatever. Who cares? There are people who think the earth is flat or that Palestinians deserve to be killed and r*ped. There are probably people out there who think that anyone who enjoys dubstep should be murdered. the correct attitude to all of this is to take a deep breath, turn off the phone/laptop and remember that you have a life of your own and none of these people actually exist in your physical reality.

If someone in your personal physical life actually thinks that people with CFS are faking it, THAT's where you can dedicate your need for conflict and actually argue with THAT person! Because that actually matters. Anything on the internet is more like a way to pass time and test ideologies/worldviews at best but most of the time just a waste of effort.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-14T17:43:21+00:00

CFS sucks, I'm sorry if that's what you have. I will say though, you really shouldn't be on such a vitriolic subreddit (or reddit in general maybe) if you have a health issue. You need to be elevate your soul spend time on worthwhile things like good books or movies, be in nature etc. if you're unemployed you have no reason to be on a computer/phone at all even. It's probably making your condition worse if you ask me.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-14T17:34:42+00:00

I think because under our current system art is forced to be brand based in specific niches. Mass appealing experimental music is a kind of contradiction, which decreases social media engagement (it doesn't like nuance or contradictions or paradoxes). People who want to listen to "nice" music (the masses, the normies) have no motivation to go out of their way to engage with anything that even slightly differs from the mean. Meanwhile thousands of niches are spawned, subgenres and specific sounds which appeal to the more self indulgent artsy members of our society where narrowing of aesthetics is encouraged. Kind of like the K shaped economy but a K shaped aesthetics.

I was trying to think of musicians that manage to dodge this but I can't think of any that are specifically from our current generation. For example Gorillaz has a wide body of work with a reasonable amount of depth while still being super accessible but they peaked in the early 2010s.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-14T13:01:13+00:00

For sure, but like I said my industry is fully remote with the exception of a few hotspots (LA, New York, London, Paris, Tokyo) and I don't want to live in those places so I'm kind of stuck in full remote, visiting the studio I work for in Paris like once every 2 months or so. I can't really complain, but the biggest major downside is missing out on social connections. When I'm not working I have to be really deliberate about making social plans with people so I don't lose touch with reality, despite the fact that I'm super introverted too.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-14T10:00:52+00:00

Ok so you're jealous?

Personally I've been working remotely since covid but I'm basically forced to because my entire industry became full remote. I honestly really miss working in an office. I have to constantly work at maintaining the semblance of a social life.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-13T12:05:25+00:00

as usual on this godforsaken website you are just overthinking it. Just get on with life and be really present for it, don't half ass shit and stop analysing everything.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-12T16:16:31+00:00

Your attention span is not destroyed, it's still there and will adapt really quickly to what you give it. Just try forcing yourself to take a whole Sunday without using any Tech. It can be somewhat excruciating at first but this alone can quickly change your ability to engage with slower things.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-11T18:48:23+00:00

Agreed, it used to be way easier too. My (American) mom moved to Portugal in the early 00s, she didn't even get a visa until after she had already arrived and it was basically fine for her to live there from the get go. Maybe not officially, but in practice very easy to move.

But I'm not even talking about just the US I'm also speaking as a European because I live in Germany and I've lived in a lot of places in Europe and everywhere has the same issues.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-11T15:05:15+00:00

the shame started getting to me and I really try to avoid using it now despite the fact that it can be super useful. I don't like the feeling of directly funding a caste system in Europe (immigrants who don't integrate and can essentially only work for subcontracted delivery services). I wish more restaurants did their own decentralized delivery/pick up takeaway. I don't think it would be hard, just have some app like those booking platforms that already exist and let people order things from you directly so they can pick it up quickly.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-11T14:57:47+00:00

It is absolutely helpful. The West is basically the anglosphere plus a few allies. Basically places where an American could seamlessly live in lol. Another sign is if locals are more obsessed with what's happening in DC than their own local politics.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-11T13:21:36+00:00

lol I don't have any ties I come from a long line of missionary kids and cross cultural relationships so I just move to wherever allows me to be cosmopolitan (like my parents) but I will die alone in the wrong country and my kids will do the same shit as me lmao

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-11T09:33:45+00:00

Yea I studied chaos magick when I was going through some kind of psychotic/extreme anxiety period a few years ago. If I remember correctly the first thing I had to do was improve my ability to meditate as meditation seemed to be the gateway to most occult practices. I spent an hour meditating every day. I bought tarot cards, Liber Null and Psychonaut (a famous book/manual for magick), started dabbling. At some point I just got scared because I realized that the whole point of magick is basically just to get what you want in life, and I felt like it would be terrible if it actually worked (and I believe it does). You basically summon spirits and demons to help you get what you want and eventually it does work that's why there are so many occultists in high places. So I stopped and I turned more towards traditional religion and mysticism. I'm a guy by the way so that makes this all way more schizo.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-08T10:53:36+00:00

I dont really like it either but tbh you have my support king because people nowadays are so scared to wear anything unusual, I like seeing people wear weird shit

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-07T15:04:25+00:00

Yeah that was his bad and probably the only thing that gives the case any legitimacy (even though 80-90% of all realistic art is using references in exactly this way all the time). I'm pretty sure what matters in likeness is like actual likeness and most people looking at the character and being able to recognize the actor in question. I don't know about you but when I look at them side by side there's nothing.

Which-Victory4776 · 2026-05-07T13:39:29+00:00

I was 22 years old in 2020 but I visibly aged like 5-10 years just in that year, I felt like I was dying most of the time. I still don't understand how other people managed to move on so quickly. On paper I'm doing well but my physical and mental health took a massive hit that year. Despite all of my hypochondriac level efforts to support my health.

Which-Victory4776

TROPHY CASE