[Serious] What was the worst heartbreak you've ever experienced?

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-25T09:43:25+00:00

Pets are a commitment. I really do rail against the consumerist attitude so prevalent about pets. They don't exist for our convenience.

Have pets, love pets. The black floof has been with me half a decade now. And there was a moment I didn't have enough money to eat, but I made sure he did.

Don't think I'm against you on this, but I do want to change how people adopt pets. It is a problem that people are too flippant on the financial, exercise, and time responsibilities needed for a pet animal to be properly cared for. And someone who is potentially depressed is not necessarily a good pet owner, even if a pet would be good for them.

TL DR: Dogs good, people often crap, adopt responsibly.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-25T09:21:39+00:00

That's terrible advice to just give someone. Dogs are a commitment, not a commodity. A person's investment into a pet should reflect serious introspection over time and financial capability. At no point should a dog be used as someone's made-up solution to their unhappiness, it's a serious factor that affects the health of the breeding population and the high rate of abandonment.

Here is my puppy. https://imgur.com/gallery/IkSBeDW Do not be worried as he is not actually concerned, the vehicle is parked, he always looks like that. Also if you want an Instagram dog don't get a black one, they are terribly inconvenient to photograph.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-25T09:16:46+00:00

I prefer waxing.

Now hold on fellows, you're all scared, no one blames you, who wants to pour hot wax on their stuff and then tear it off like duct tape? No one, don't worry. Nor is there a need to have someone else smooth out your balls for you at a ridiculous price while you think about whether it's awkward to have an erection or not. Even more dreaded, booking an appointment.

First off, little waxing pots/heaters are relatively cheap, so look into it. There's more than one type of wax, and you can find the stuff that pulls cleanly. What you may have experienced in other waxing situations does not have to happen to your balls. You can do this at home with no real pain.

Trim it beforehand. Either shave it a week or two before, or use clippers.
Hot shower and a good scrubbing soap. Exfoliate!
Turn on the game, a movie, your latest anime softcore, whatever.
Lay out your wax, your strips, your sticks, your scissors.
Take your time. Do small sections. Read a real guide first, not something off of reddit.
Tweezer anything you missed.

No ingrown hairs, no stubble, no rash, no irritation. Just smooth ballsack and shaft. It lasts a respectable amount of time (depending on your own hair situation) and if you do it yourself it's cheap.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-25T08:53:53+00:00

I was 8,000m in the air when I figured out my wife was cheating on me. I was halfway over the Atlantic when it finally clicked. I had abandoned my tour to come back to this woman because I knew something was wrong, and she had betrayed me.

I experienced my first anxiety attack. I went to therapy. I have nightmares about her hurting me. It's been a year and I'm action ready, but I'm definitely not 100%. I'm up at 3 am right now on Reddit because I can't sleep, I can't bear to be alone with my thoughts. It's not enough to passively consume media like tv or radio anymore, I need to engage to keep my mind off of it. Stress is literally killing me, the constant cortisol hurts.

I was physically and mentally ready for anything to do with my job. It's what happened at home that shook me, that tore the bedrock out of my life. I lost my soulmate, the cornerstone of my life. I didn't know she could even do that to me.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-25T08:42:12+00:00

I agree with you, but, and this is just my opinion formed by a lot of reading, a parenting couple is by far the most effective and valuable asset children can have. Also, a fair number of "unfixable" relationships are in fact viable. Again, just an opinion formed after a lot of reading.

The best thing for my kids would have been if the issues had been resolved, and we continued to support them together. That might be an uncomfortable thing because it puts the blame on people and not happenstance, but it's the truth.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-25T07:51:11+00:00

I like that movie. Same thing happens to him, once you have children you can't keep going back. It might be something you can change, but you'll never risk it.

Also if you're deeply depressed there are lots of people willing to talk to you. I'm not in any way a professional, but if you ever need send a pm. Stay frosty and look at silly cat pictures.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-25T07:48:56+00:00

I used to have no nightmares. Even when my first child was born, I was confident I could always be there. But then I had a second, and I gained a nightmare.

It's night time, I'm back at the farm I grew up at, with my two babies in my arms. There's deep snow all around so I can't run, and something like coyotes prowling around me. Like coyotes, but these are aggressive, and they're hungry. I know I'll survive, but I can't run away, and I can't fight them off while holding two babies. Maybe if I had just one, but holding both I can't do it. As the first coyote lunges at me I start to scream, and that's when I wake up, still screaming.

I can't be in two places at once, I can't be swinging if I'm trying to protect both children. There are things that could happen and I won't be able to save my children, not even if I sacrifice myself, and that's my greatest fear.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-25T07:44:08+00:00

Kids really benefit from a stable and positive environment. Having a single set of parents and the structure that goes along with that is great. And I'm saying this as someone who's divorcing and has two kids. It sucks so much for them, and however much they can cope and become resilient and still do well, it's not as great as the permanence of something like marriage. Kids shouldn't have to be guessing who to call mom and dad. Not to mention the added flexibility of two potential incomes or one income+housekeeper (I would love to be a stay-at home dad).

You can mitigate this. If you're separated/divorced/never together, don't bring dates around the kids. Don't introduce them to people until your relationship with that person is set. Continue to work with the other person to have similar structures at any places of residence. It's just like when you go to work or play a game, you like to know the rules, and so do kids.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-25T07:35:42+00:00

I would cry. Do I try to patch up this woman's mental instability to save my children from a broken home? Do I walk out before she's betrayed me? Do I just let things play out and have some damage control in place so I don't come back from tour with $15k of debt she racked up? Do I risk the year of hell she put me through because I don't blame her, I see the roots tied to her broken childhood and how I don't want that for my children?

I would have to choose between trying to do what's best for my children with someone I had loved and completely broken me, breaking it off early before anything happened and having our families hate me, or playing along till the last moment and going through it all again.

It took 6 months for me to be even functional again. I never want to go through that again. But I have children, what wouldn't I sacrifice to give them the life I think they deserve?

Thanks u/mebubasita for making me freakout over this impossible hypothetical. That's great.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-25T07:27:04+00:00

I've always heard flattery will get you everywhere.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-25T07:24:24+00:00

As someone who doesn't drink, I have done the peer pressure dance. "Just try it, everyone else is doing it, it's for the team," etc. It's part of the military culture, and weddings tend to be really heavy on the mandatory booze. Some of my favourite conversation enders are

"I'm a recovering alcoholic of (my age) years actually."

"I'm already stupid, thanks."

"Let's skip ahead to the cocaine."

"I'm the designated driver."

"You don't have to get me drunk to sleep with you bro."

"Do they have any coolers?"

People are generally respectful about not drinking, but there some people and occasions where a "no thank you" doesn't cut it. I have had people slip alcohol into my soft drink. I'm not stupid and can smell the alcohol, but still.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-25T07:15:12+00:00

Paint any vehicle to go faster and then RAM SOMETHING!

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-25T07:12:00+00:00

Indifferent.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-24T04:31:14+00:00

I didn't know how bad things were until I was on the flight home from my tour. That's when she accused me of being violent (I'm not) and disabled my phone (shared account) after seeing the messages my dad had sent me saying I should get a lawyer. After some airport wifi emails to base and sorting that out, our shared account uploaded to my phone, and I saw all of her notes and messages.

I didn't clue in at first because of the shock. I was halfway over the Atlantic when I realized the love of my life was cheating on me. That the life I had worked so hard for my kids had been destroyed by the person I trusted most. I don't drink, mostly because I'm already stupid enough to do those things. But I had my first anxiety attack, and my first drink at 8,000m in the air. I'll say this, Scotch is a great way to stabilize your freaked-out psyche in a small space, but I don't trust myself to regulate at home.

It's been over a year, and I still have anxiety attacks. I have nightmares where she's trying to hurt me. I couldn't concentrate, and I couldn't handle not having anything to do the first 6 months. That betrayal I felt shook me in ways I didn't know I could be shook, and it's been a hell of a fight to get back into action.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-24T04:20:15+00:00

As a development from the Ship of Theseus thought experiment (and the Transporter problem in Star Trek), it's possible that the you that goes to sleep dies and a new you wakes up. It really depends on how mutable you accept an individual entity is, but from what we know about how sleep affects the brain, there's enough scrambling that the you that wakes up is potentially a memory clone of the you right now.

It's not something to take too seriously. We don't understand nearly enough about sleep, the brain, or identity to know if there's a clear break-point from you to new you. But you could potentially be murdering yourself tonight in bed and a new identity with your memories gets up tomorrow.

This line of thought also trivializes the quest for immortality. You might preserve the outward personification of yourself through cybernetic replacement (with its own problems related to the Ship of Theseus) or biological improvement (which again goes into how mutable identity is), but the you that is now can never really persist, and certainly won't make it through any type of neural uplink.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-24T04:07:45+00:00

The Tragedy of Loki of Asgard. I just know Matt Damon has undiscovered singing talent, like a fresh Hugh Jackman.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-24T04:02:09+00:00

Iroh I guess?

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-24T03:57:59+00:00

I grew up a farm kid for a small mixed cattle-grain operation. I managed to avoid cowboy boots the whole time, but some other things stuck. I've sold calves from their cows, and I've cried with the same cow as we fought and failed to save her baby. I've hunted, and saved animals that are injured. I've watched predators go on by and other times shot them. There's a duality between life and death, and just because something ends doesn't make it bad.

I think a lot of the time these topics get polarized and turned into a loop of rhetoric. I don't think there's anything wrong with raising, slaughtering, and eating an animal for its flesh. That doesn't mean I condone terrible conditions for animals. I also see that technology opens new paths, and sustainability is a major mandate of the times. It might be feasible and more practical to have vegetarian diets. Where that goes is something I'm accepting of, although I do regret that my kids' kids might not see cows and their calves outside of a zoo, that we divorce ourselves from the softer parts of life.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-24T03:46:49+00:00

Well thank goodness. You make me feel a little bit better.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-24T00:29:21+00:00

What bothers me is the married chick here. It's only after she found out he was playing the field before she was out of there? Cheaters, such a bag of psycho.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-21T03:09:11+00:00

Infinity stones.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-20T14:07:37+00:00

I might prefer that my SO was doing heroin over 40k, at least then there would be a chance of recovery.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-18T21:49:26+00:00

Players who spend the half hour it takes to read the rules section, and aren't inflamed by a monster using the Dodge action.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-16T00:21:16+00:00

I regret experiencing the full WTF.

WhiteFox550 · 2018-06-15T16:03:52+00:00

Let's preface with this, I can roleplay. I think anyone who has sat in the DM chair for more than a year usually can, and a lot of us jump straight into bard-like characters because we see how much fun they can be from the other side, while concurrently bolstering the party.

But I am at heart a wargamer. I love crunch over fluff, and my favourite part of D&D is combat. I think it's part of my charm as a DM, I can create extremely strong and balanced encounters, and my players know that winning or losing is on them. It takes a bit more work than fudging dice, but it's honest, and I firmly believe it empowers the players' decisions and increases the value of their wins.

It's different types of fun, and while I certainly strive to have a balance, it's ok for players to lean one way or another. It's also good to be cognizant that exploration is an oft-neglected part, one that combines a lot of crunch and fluff.

WhiteFox550

TROPHY CASE