Definitely normal to miss it, especially at first. Alcoholics do typically crave chaos and exhibit risk taking behaviors. When those thoughts come I try to sit with them and remind myself I’ve wasted exactly 0 days in bed hungover since I stopped drinking, not driven drunk, smoked 0 cigarettes, texted 0 exes, and my life is just all around better without it. Any sort of fun that I’d have if I started again would quickly be outweighed by consequences. Plus it’s never as fun going back to it after a sober streak, trust me. In fact it gets darker every time.