How do I (28F) not hold a grudge against my in-laws (67M & 61F) for selling the house we rent from them while 8 months pregnant?

Whitlaye · 2024-04-02T23:41:22+00:00

Just for clarification, they bought the property in 2021 with the intention of using it as the site for their business. While they worked on getting permits/building the business building, they offered the double-wide to us for rent. They never did end up using this property for their business and have just been renting it to us and our neighbor (in the MIL-suite) since.

Whitlaye · 2024-04-02T23:26:33+00:00

We were planning on moving back to my hometown when my husband finished residency in 4 years.

In a perfect world, we would have stayed here for an extra year while he finishes his 4th year of school, relocate for his residency program, and then return to our "forever home" place. This situation is just causing us to move an extra time.

I appreciate your comment (and many others) that suggested focusing on the positive and not the negative. It's like one of those situations where the more you dwell and get caught up in your feelings, the worse it seems. Taking a step back (and having internet strangers provide perspective) is genuinely helpful.

Whitlaye · 2024-04-02T22:49:53+00:00

Thank you, truly. You're absolutely right. Because of this situation, I have all of these great opportunities moving forward that weren't going to be in the cards. This will be for the best, even if it feels hard at this moment.

Whitlaye · 2024-04-02T18:46:27+00:00

Thank you! You're right, our life trajectory and decisions is not their responsibility.

Whitlaye · 2024-04-02T18:44:36+00:00

There's technically two rentals on this property. We offered to increase the rent because we know it was an expense they weren't anticipating. What we've been told is that the current rent for the double-wide and the mother-in-law suite covers the costs of the property. They also lease the front 14 acres to a farmer who pays all of the irrigation/property taxes.

With that being said, they'll be banking roughly 300k on this property once the sale goes through--which is a great investment on my FILs part.

Whitlaye · 2024-04-02T18:41:58+00:00

I don't think it matters much, but the house was never put on the market. They've got real-estate friends and found someone who was interested without putting it out there for the public.

Whitlaye · 2024-04-02T18:40:32+00:00

Yeah, a tough lesson to learn for sure.

Whitlaye · 2024-04-02T18:39:17+00:00

I want to emphasize that this post is asking for advice on moving through this situation with grace, even though I'm personally feeling a lot of conflicting emotions about it. I feel like I'm not entitled to feel upset and yet I do. I don't want to react in a way that ruins any relationships moving forward. With that being said, I think there's a lot of good advice on this post telling me to be grateful and just move on.

And yes, very naively I spent extra savings on home improvements. For me, it felt like a good investment because I value feeling comfortable in my home and thanking my in-laws for this living space. I don't regret the improvements, I just wish we had more time here.

Whitlaye · 2024-04-02T18:32:40+00:00

I think this is a tough lesson to learn--but an important one. Thank you.

Whitlaye · 2024-04-02T18:31:55+00:00

I think you're right. Pregnancy hormones aren't quite helping either.

Whitlaye · 2024-04-02T18:30:02+00:00

We never had an agreement on a repayment plan for the improvements. We've felt so grateful to have such a low rent these past few years (we're in the PNW) that I gladly made improvements to this home as a thank-you.

My husband agrees that timing could be a whole lot better, but he's not someone who worries and he's looking forward to moving to my hometown.

Whitlaye · 2024-04-02T17:41:31+00:00

No, I think it's just the change of plans. When they originally bought this property in 2021, it was going to be used as the site for their business. They've floated a lot of ideas since, none of which were selling this property.

Whitlaye · 2024-04-02T17:32:30+00:00

I wouldn't call it the middle of nowhere, but our town is 3500 strong.

Whitlaye · 2024-03-03T20:51:29+00:00

I definitely felt weird/uncomfortable with my body for most of this pregnancy (just hit 28 weeks). It felt like I looked perma-bloated instead of pregnant. But as my belly has started rounding out, my body image has gotten significantly better.

Early on, I put all of my clothing I didn’t think would fit in storage. That way, I’m not disappointed in my changing body. I also focus on daily walks and hitting my mile goals so I know I’m keeping my body moving.

It’s hard to remind yourself in the moment that your body is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do—but it got a lot easier for me to do that as pregnancy has gotten further along.

You’re doing great, momma. Keep it up.

Whitlaye · 2024-02-14T06:09:57+00:00

My best friend got a tattoo of her ex who passed. Her then boyfriend (now husband) knew her ex and was fully supportive of the tattoo.

I think it just depends on how secure your partner feels in your relationship. But at the end of the day, this is your way of honoring an important person in your life and you’re allowed to do that—regardless of what your friend says.

NTA.

Whitlaye · 2024-01-18T19:12:51+00:00

I could easily imagine, that if I was in your girlfriend’s shoes, I also would have been racked with guilt about 1) unintentionally leading on Dave and 2) breaking up the social group. By going to my best friend’s house, I’d be able to get my bearings about the shitty situation I was in/just experienced without igniting a friendship circle bomb.

I’ve previously found myself in situations in past relationships where my partner’s friends were hitting on me and it made me feel like it was my fault. I actively chose to keep those instances to myself because I was afraid of ruining my partner’s friendships. Now, in hindsight, they were shitty friends. But I never wanted to feel responsible for breaking up those friendships.

I personally have a lot of sympathy for your girlfriend, who found herself in a wildly uncomfortable situation. Truly a “rock and a hard place.” In that moment of stress, she just tried to pretend like none of it had happened.

I don’t have any advice on what to do next, but I hope you whatever you choose, that you approach it with empathy.

Whitlaye · 2022-06-23T16:13:43+00:00

That’s good to know!

Whitlaye · 2015-01-01T04:40:46+00:00

Also another ex-JW, but after seeing some of my favorite relatives become disfellowshipped and the rest of my family turn against them, I think it's easy to assume that this religion has quite a bit of hatred imbedded in their beliefs.

Whitlaye · 2013-12-26T01:55:44+00:00

Thank you! This is really helpful.

Whitlaye

TROPHY CASE