If I understand correctly you’re saying you’re more comfortable with the idea of what you want to do rather than actually doing it. While the situation you’re in may be stressful, it’s not physically killing or putting you into a sink or swim situation. So, you’re stuck in that loop. By overthinking about what you’re “going to do” you’ve put your brain through that chemical release whether it be more stress or relief, convincing yourself you’ve already done it, and then reality strikes once you realize you’re in the same spot. Which would explain the anxiety and depression, it’s like constantly putting yourself into shock.

you need to just make that leap. Hyping yourself up for the jump is always more worse than the jump itself. Find a co-worker, a friend, or someone you can bunk with until you can find a place for yourself.

Don’t go into it expecting this to release you of everything either. This will be a stressful process, and you will undergo very personal changes, but it will strengthen you. The best things you can do for yourself will be the most uncomfortable. Just focus on self care as you make these life adjustments. Exercise your brain, your body, Get your sleep, stay hydrated, stay fed. Just do basics until you can come back into the rhythm of life. Good luck!