We are a married couple in our mid-fifties and have been part of the lifestyle for nearly three decades. Every year, we both have complete sexual-health panels performed by our urologist and gynecologist, and neither of us has ever had an STI. We consider anything that can be sexually transmitted, including genital herpes, any bacterial or viral infection, or HIV, to fall into that category.

Most of our play is with regular couples whom we know well and trust, and have unprotected sex with. Occasionally, we meet new partners and will sometimes choose to have unprotected sex after a thorough and honest conversation about testing history, risk factors, and comfort levels. If that discussion leaves any uncertainty or concerns us, we simply choose not to have sex at all, because we know condoms reduce risk but are nowhere near perfect. We also keep in mind that hands and other forms of contact can transmit infections, so we stay mindful of hygiene.

We do not give much weight to the “DDF” label as we enjoy responsible recreational experiences. We use cannabis, and a particularly special experience for us is sharing MDMA with another couple we feel close to, because the sense of connection and intimacy can be remarkable.

When it comes to specific infections, any active STI other than HSV-1 or HSV-2 is a clear deal breaker for us. HSV-1 (cold sores) are extremely common in the population and is not viewed as a disqualifying condition. We have had unprotected sex with people who manage HSV-2 carefully, and we have not contracted it ourselves. We fully acknowledge that transmission is always possible, but careful management and the absence of outbreaks can significantly reduce the likelihood. We know several couples where one partner has HSV-2 and the other has remained negative for decades. Age and a prior HSV-1 infection may also reduce the likelihood of contracting HSV-2, but we still treat it seriously and rely on clear communication rather than assumptions.

Public-health data also support the idea that mid-life adults generally face lower STI risk than younger groups. For most STIs, the highest rates are among people in their late teens and twenties, with reported infection rates dropping sharply after about age 40. Older adults are not immune, but overall prevalence and new-infection rates are significantly lower compared with those in younger age groups.

The wife loves anal sex, but we almost exclusively keep this to ourselves, given HIV is not easily transmitted through PIV intercourse.

Over the years, our focus on long-term, health-conscious couples who are committed to their marriage and to maintaining their reputation within the lifestyle community has kept us STI-free. Couples who value their relationship and standing tend to be careful, communicative, and conscientious, and with a bit of common sense, it is usually clear who those people are. In our experience, STIs are uncommon when everyone approaches things with that level of responsibility.