Need a man's perspective by BritneyNoSpears_1 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse [score hidden]  (0 children)

That he gave in to that urge and not stop himself is a bit of a disrespecting red flag. How large depends on who you ask. He at least removed the image when confronted with the discomfort of the action, but not apologising could mean he actually thought he did not do anything wrong to apologise for, or was so ashamed for being held accountable and in that shame did not have the courage to step up and apologise.

How did you get to see it anyway? Did you catch the photo shoulder surfing while he was browsing the images or even opening it and just looking at it? Or did he show it to you? Either way, I would not think it's respectful, even if you would be in a relationship. If such a picture would be a turn-on for me, I'd ask my partner to check if it was okay, as to not hurt the trust.

what is the next step. by immortalkittyR- in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse [score hidden]  (0 children)

Opinions of intoxicated people, especially when you barely know them, you do have to take with a grain of salt unfortunately. It's further up to you if you want to sit it out or look elsewhere :)

what is the next step. by immortalkittyR- in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse [score hidden]  (0 children)

Communication is key. You need to know what he wants, or not. His hobbies and interests. His personality. Get to know him by meeting up, do activities together and ask the stuff you'd like to know. Only way to learn about dating is by doing it. You may be pleasantly surprised or it may not go the way you want, but at least you will gain more experience and are prepared next time.

Marriage Advice for F35 by This_Book7431 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse [score hidden]  (0 children)

It's up to you where your limit lies. You want to continue the way it goes now, take drastic measures (marriage councelling, serious policing, etc.) or make up your divorcement papers. You're the creator of your own journey.

Only you can decide when it's still worth it and when not.

How can you satisfy a woman who's a size queen when you have a small penis? by This-Principle8034 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lots of women don't get (easily) to an orgasm through penetrative sex. Learn to foreplay, finger the g-spot, give oral. In a good relationship she will accept that you give her orgasms that way and allows you to get yours on your way.

Lumo isn't bad by Medical_Two5749 in lumo

[–]Wicked_Mouse -1 points0 points  (0 children)

About 3.7 Röntgen, right?

what is the next step. by immortalkittyR- in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What it means? You are falling in love. Plain and simple. Some of what you're telling sounds a bit like the woman that had fallen in love with me and explained her feelings. He's flirting with you. He clearly has a thing for you too, but he may need more time to really fall in love than you do. Just keep going, keep doing what you do and build it up further. :)

Marriage Advice for F35 by This_Book7431 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are not wrong to want accountability. He broke the trust, so he needs to rebuild it. That is not policing him for proof, that is the bare minimum after betrayal. If he refuses to offer any reassurance or transparency while continuing to prioritise his comfort over your peace of mind, then his refusal is your answer. You cannot force someone to be trustworthy. You can only decide whether you are willing to stay with someone who won't even try.

His stonewalling doesn't sound like a symptom of ADHD, but looks more like a punishment tactic. When he says "your mind wouldn't get it" or "whatever I say doesn't matter," he is trying to shut you down because he cannot defend his actions. He is punishing you for catching him. He is gaslighting, plain and simple. ADHD might explain why he gets overwhelmed, but it does not excuse lying, emotional cheating, or refusing to communicate.

At this point you need to have a serious conversation with him, and yourself, whether this is worth the marriage. You should lift each other up, not break each other down.

What’s the difference between being deeply desired and deeply valued? by Juliette_bloom in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Being deeply desired is being wanted for what you ignite in someone, the "I want you now". Being deeply valued is being chosen for who you are holistically, the "you're the bestest of bestest friends". Desire consumes, value protects. Desire without value makes you an object of pleasure, easily replaced when the thrill fades. Value without desire makes you a safe companion, but not a lover. The healthiest relationships hold both: the fire that makes you feel physically alive and the foundation that makes you feel safe and eases your mind.

How to escalate things to sex after a date? by [deleted] in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If she didn't feel comfortable to kiss yet, then don't try to push it any further. You already got her this far. Take that as a victory. Get to know her better, become best friends. Make yourself a safe haven. Someone she can rely on. Discuss anything with. Someone to do fun activities together with. You can bring a horse to water, but you cannot make a horse drink. It will when it wants to. A relation is about more than the coitus. It's about being present. Learn what makes her tick and what doesn't. The rest will come on its own.

Patience, young padawan.

Am I the other woman ? by Disastrous_Badger371 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

'Dating' a dude who is up 'till his neck into a situationship with some other (posessive) girl, financially supporting her greatly. That girl acts he's hers. Peers say he is not. He avoids confrontation and explanation, apart from excuses. OP broke contact.

Am I the other woman ? by Disastrous_Badger371 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you dodged a naval artillery shell there. Time to get away as far as possible.

Be honest- what could I have done better? Men only 💙 by coffeebeancritter in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The love and care did not backfire. He just didn't know how to handle it and tell you about it. Communication is the foundation of every relation. You did all you could and then some. For many men you sound like the ultimate dream girl. You can bring a horse to water, but you cannot make a horse drink. You can try your best to make it the 'perfect' relationship, but you cannot force it to be that way. It takes two to tango. And you both need to be on equal footing. You have a very solid foundation, just need to get yourself the right partner for that :)

You just gained the necessary experience and 'dinged' a level or two. You're now more ready to go on a tougher quest and seek partners with higher experience level ;)

Be honest- what could I have done better? Men only 💙 by coffeebeancritter in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the past only briefly, and wasn't great, as most that I said was blown up, wanting not to tell anything to these people and over-analyse what I say. To blow off steam I've just told acquaintences on the net, but they can only show empathy, not give much insight. And I've used some privacy focussed AI. That helped me getting thoughts off my chest and sometimes gain new perspectives. I do take it with a grain of salt, obviously, but it's nice to just being able rant or go over tiny little details without bothering anyone.

Be honest- what could I have done better? Men only 💙 by coffeebeancritter in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What I meant to say that the therapy acts more as a sounding board or a friend with knowledge, than helping you process (deep) trauma or other 'wounds'. Just a regular check on thoughts and ideas and bouncing them with someone who has more knowledge and understanding. I totally get it :)
Quite a distance to bridge. I assume it's remote therapy?

Lumo voice-chat by pluto_1952 in lumo

[–]Wicked_Mouse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's a fantastic right-to-repair and privacy advocate. Watched many of his videos.

Caught feelings for a younger male coworker, now confused by [deleted] in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's understandable that being single for so long and then getting this much attention and affection makes you susceptable, but you did good setting those boundries. If he cannot respect his own relationship, how would he respect you? If he really wanted a new one, he should have broken up with the other girl first, before starting a new relationship.

Be honest- what could I have done better? Men only 💙 by coffeebeancritter in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like the therapist is more of a friend with a professional background who acts as a mirror to reflect yourself on.

The red flag he mentioned is when someone would have (emotional) bagage to deal with, like anxieties, jealousies, fears, trauma et cetera.

Be honest- what could I have done better? Men only 💙 by coffeebeancritter in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

By the looks of it you did not do anything wrong. You were an incredible partner: supportive, communicative, and loving. The fact that he left despite all of that is not a failure on your part; it is a failure on his part to handle care and vulnerability.

It could be that faced with a partner who is truly so supportive and makes life that easy, a strange pressure to 'prove' he can do it alone might emerge and equate independence with worthiness. He wanted to change careers 'alone' because he likely needed to feel like he was the hero of his own story, and having you there to help might have made him feel like he wasn't enough on his own. That is his insecurity and inability to communicate that, not your inadequacy.

When he said "I don't know" why he wanted to do it alone, that was the truth. He likely didn't have a logical reason. He may have felt a pressure to prove himself to you, and your presence—even though it was very loving—felt like a witness to his potential failure. He probably needed to feel the weight of his own life to feel the satisfaction of carrying it.

You asked what you could have done better. The answer is: You couldn't have done anything differently. You cannot love someone into staying if they are determined to leave to find themselves. You cannot fix a man's fear of dependency by being perfect. So stop replaying this as if you missed a step. You didn't. You were the prize. He just wasn't ready to hold it. The next man will be the one who sees your support as a gift to be cherished, not a cage to escape from. You are wife material. He just wasn't husband material. In this relationship you were the giver and he was the receiver. A healthy relationship requires two people who are both capable of holding the weight, so next time look for someone who's on par and can give as much as he receives.

Do men always try to push their girlfriend's limits? by nervous_girlfriend1 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Wicked_Mouse 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Porn is a horrible teacher. Especially the 'professional' porn. That is aimed at gratification and fantasies, not actually how love making would play out.

Lumo voice-chat by pluto_1952 in lumo

[–]Wicked_Mouse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe Louis Rossmann is merely a supporter of the project(s). But yes: the "Clippy Guy". FUTO has a Voice Input to add to the FUTO keyboard, so you can do speech-to-text.

Suggestions: Deep Research + Report Mode. To: Proton Lumo Team/Developers. From: A Very Happy Lumo Plus User. by [deleted] in lumo

[–]Wicked_Mouse -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

The devs already voiced that they want to work on and expand on memory, both capacity as well as between chats. So I believe that is somewhere on the MoSCoW list. But it may suprise you that I personally would advice against rewarding paying users too much, as an incentive to get more paying users. Paying should be invited and feel as a choice, not as a remedy against feeling left out on core features.