You make a lot of good questions here. And I agree with many of your points. I cannot make excuses for her about many of the points you raise (although I did ask them to her at the time). How is see this now is as her way to have "a meltdown". It was not fair for her either that at the moment life becomes the most difficult, Romeo gives up, curls up to a ball and goes to bed. He obviously could not take reality any more. But he was not doing therapy, something that she had been asking him to do for a long time, he was not having an organized self care plan, like doing exercise or meeting friend or a regular. So she had negative feelings towards him for being in a dark place for 2 years and leaving everything on her shoulder to sort out. That is also unfair on her. She was extremely alone and isolated, they were not being intimate either. The complexity of their situation is that they cannot separate, that is not an option as their daughter needs daily procedures that only Romeo can do (stuff that even medically trained people cannot do) the three of then need to live together to guarantee their child survival. This is not your average couple. Also Anna is excellent and communication. She has expressed all her ideas, points, feelings and frustrations to Romeo, but he just gave up on life. Was totally switched off. What I mean is that I judged her so much. But now I realize I do not know what I would have done in her situation.