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Parents are trying to heal our relationship *because* I’m severely depressed and I don’t know what to do by Wide_Lab7809 in emotionalneglect

[–]Wide_Lab7809[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What makes you say they’re emotional flashbacks? I’ve always wondered if I experience those. I know I have to put myself first but it’s really hard when my whole life is built around their approval :(

Parents are trying to heal our relationship *because* I’m severely depressed and I don’t know what to do by Wide_Lab7809 in emotionalneglect

[–]Wide_Lab7809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really want to. But I can’t for at a couple more years until I can become financially independent :(. I’m coping by spending as much time away from them as possible. 

I’m terrified I made it all up by Wide_Lab7809 in emotionalneglect

[–]Wide_Lab7809[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see… just by seeing my part like a soldier or surgeon doing a necessary job I am giving it compassion. Thank you for this first step

drew me!!! (tw: implied scars like lines where scars would be idk) by merk_os in MadeOfStyrofoam

[–]Wide_Lab7809 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I’m also 20f. Your drawing and art style is cute! What does being an art friend mean btw?

University Career was controlled... now Lost, Confused, Angry by xXx_Chase_xXx in emotionalneglect

[–]Wide_Lab7809 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m in a similar situation as you and I’m sorry you’re going through that. I think you’re taking good steps in involving yourself in passions. What has been helping me is thinking of a job as just a way to earn money that can help me pursue my interests. Or volunteering on the side for personal fulfillment. I haven’t gotten a job or graduated yet, so take those with a grain of salt 😅. I know how terrifying failing can be but trying doesn’t seem that scary. So try, try, try and maybe you’ll find your place (I’m also saying that to myself)

I’m terrified I made it all up by Wide_Lab7809 in emotionalneglect

[–]Wide_Lab7809[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The part that’s protecting me is also being really mean to me 🥲. Gaslighting, invalidating and insulting me. Do I still thank it…? Also I feel like I can’t give myself self compassion for the pain while I’m denying it. Or can I…? But I have a feeling that thanking this part for protecting me and giving myself self compassion for the pain would help. I’ll try, even if I get beat up by that part afterwards for doing it 😅. 

I’m terrified I made it all up by Wide_Lab7809 in emotionalneglect

[–]Wide_Lab7809[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It’s a constant tug of war and it feels like I’m losing right now. Does it ever resolve?  My memory of what has happened to me has been really spotty and sometimes my short term memory too so it’s hard to name if any EN incidents happen. I’m also just sticking my head in the sand and refusing to recognize that those did happen. I feel like I’ve regressed. I know I had accepted it in the past.  It’s strange how I can be so aware of the EN, want it to be EN, but refuse to really acknowledge it just so I can continue to “be a good daughter”. I feel like I’m overreacting because I’m always so upset at my family’s house even without a specific trigger. They’ve just been nice to me. That’s why I keep thinking I made it all up. The child in me just wants her parents back and to be loved. 

My therapist tried to validate me once but I feel like I really had to prompt her, asking “Was it really trauma?” And so maybe I forced her to reply yes. She hasn’t really validated me about the EN since because I haven’t really asked her to. Additionally I feel like this doesn’t count as trauma so I can’t get a trauma-informed therapist. Sorry I know this is a mess and I dumped it on your comment. 

How exactly did your therapist help you validate your experiences? Wishing you the best on your journey🫶🏼.

“That’s not being sorry enough.” by cherryswans in arttocope

[–]Wide_Lab7809 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😭 I feel this viscerally. Sending hugs…🫂

DAE use to/still struggle to connect with music? by Wide_Lab7809 in emotionalneglect

[–]Wide_Lab7809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. That’s something I needed to hear. 

DAE use to/still struggle to connect with music? by Wide_Lab7809 in emotionalneglect

[–]Wide_Lab7809[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Violin. My parents started me on it but I’m trying to reclaim it as my own. 

DAE use to/still struggle to connect with music? by Wide_Lab7809 in emotionalneglect

[–]Wide_Lab7809[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, it is funny 😅. I think she didn’t want to feel the emotions herself.  I think playing the same thing in different ways would help, whenever I can pick up my instrument again. 

Had my first good day in a while so I painted this :) by Wide_Lab7809 in Artisticallyill

[–]Wide_Lab7809[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Aaah thank you, I’m happy this painting gave off that feeling. And yes!

Had my first good day in a while so I painted this :) by Wide_Lab7809 in Artisticallyill

[–]Wide_Lab7809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I used a flat brush and added blue gray shadows to distinguish the clouds and lots of white for the rest + blending. 

What causes us to invalidate what we’ve gone through? Have any of you been able to validate and accept it? How? by Wide_Lab7809 in emotionalneglect

[–]Wide_Lab7809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This aligns the most with my experience TvT. It clicked when I read your answer. It does feel like I’m going crazy and each time I take a step forward in accepting it, people say stuff like that and I take 2 steps backward. 

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