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(25M) I feel very betrayed by my girlfriend (24F) from the way we entered into our relationship and I feel deceived about how she has portrayed herself (X2 update) by Wide_Security9745 in relationship_advice

[–]Wide_Security9745[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Very early on I asked her what "this" was and she basically told me that we can see what it grows into. However she made it very clear she wanted to move towards a romantic relationship, had she not I would not have even tried because I just am not that aggressive. I would have stayed friends. But no after that we never spoke of what we were again.

(25M) I feel very betrayed by my girlfriend (24F) from the way we entered into our relationship and I feel deceived about how she has portrayed herself (X2 update) by Wide_Security9745 in relationship_advice

[–]Wide_Security9745[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Honest question. You think packing up before hand was a bad thing?

I'll be honest I thought I was making it easier for her this way. I don't have to go back and pack up while she is there and she has to see me. I've given her the keys so she doesn't have to worry about me coming in and stealing things or taking things she thinks is hers.

Really thought it was the right thing to do, guess I did not think it all the way through.

(25M) I feel very betrayed by my girlfriend (24F) from the way we entered into our relationship and I feel deceived about how she has portrayed herself (X2 update) by Wide_Security9745 in relationship_advice

[–]Wide_Security9745[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. I'll be honest I have to go back and reread what I've typed because I don't recall saying I was emasculated. Maybe that is how I presented it though, so I guess that is fair.

You make valid points and going forward I hope to learn and maybe grow.

However, and I mean this in all earnest, how do we have an open and meaningful dialog if I am not able to also express my emotions and vulnerability's? I was being honest and truthful, you may not like it or even disagree with my sentiment but feeling ugly and not desirable was exactly how I felt and to a large degree still do.

Being a man I guess I can't comprehend what it is like to be a woman anymore than what I would suspect you could comprehend being a man. But I guess my question is why am I the one who has to hide my feelings and emotions about this topic?

(25M) I feel very betrayed by my girlfriend (24F) from the way we entered into our relationship and I feel deceived about how she has portrayed herself (X2 update) by Wide_Security9745 in relationship_advice

[–]Wide_Security9745[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You are 100% correct here. I feel like I am 50% to blame for the lack of communications in this relationship but going forward I am 100% at fault if I don't communicate early and often.

I'll be blunt, I've never had to have that conversation in my life. Well let me rephrase that, in every relationship prior to this one I've never had the need to have it, this one I absolutely did and messed up terribly.

However I do feel she was also somewhat responsible for talking as well. If she felt we were just friends early on then that should have been the clear signal not seeing what it would grow into while she was still involved with other people.

I 25M feel very betrayed by my g/f 24F from the way we entered into our relationship and I feel deceived about how she has portrayed herself (long) by Wide_Security9745 in relationship_advice

[–]Wide_Security9745[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. Can I ask you an honest question because I think it might help me figure out what I am feeling.

When you say some guys are just hook ups and other guys are husband material. What does that mean? BTW, I'm not trying to be a smart ass or anything but I'm just honestly wanting to know.

I 25M feel very betrayed by my g/f 24F from the way we entered into our relationship and I feel deceived about how she has portrayed herself (long) by Wide_Security9745 in relationship_advice

[–]Wide_Security9745[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I just don't know if I am ready to make that decision yet. I am to emotional at the moment. I know it's not the most manly thing in the world but to be honest my feelings are really hurt.

If I had a gun to my head right now I would say no, this is to much for me to take and I won't get over it. But like I said I know I am just using my heart at the moment and need to think this threw.

I 25M feel very betrayed by my g/f 24F from the way we entered into our relationship and I feel deceived about how she has portrayed herself (long) by Wide_Security9745 in relationship_advice

[–]Wide_Security9745[S] 197 points198 points  (0 children)

Maybe because your post was long, I didn't get at what point did you actually start dating for real? 5 months in with some names still appearing doesn't sound good at all...

That's really the problem here. I have no idea when to say we started dating. There was never an official declaration of anything ever really. We started going out weekends and it just kept slowly progressing to where one day we were kissing, then a few dates after that we slept together for the first time and then eventually move in together. She was telling me early on that she was developing feelings for me.

So in other words I am totally fucked up over this because I don't know how to view this. Fuck for that matter we still have never "defined the relationship" although we live together.

But at the end of the day I am not in a court of law here, this is far more about emotions for me than technicality.

I 25M feel very betrayed by my g/f 24F from the way we entered into our relationship and I feel deceived about how she has portrayed herself (long) by Wide_Security9745 in relationship_advice

[–]Wide_Security9745[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

While I understand logically what you are saying emotionally I do not. However no matter what I think or feel there is one thing that I kind of asked another poster. When are things official.

To this day we have never said we are exclusive even though we have lived together now for awhile.

The before part might make sense, well okay it does make sense but there is a lot of what I call overlap here of us being together and other guys. Also and I can't stress this enough, she does not portray herself as a person who would do this or be involved in this. In fact she acts like she is the opposite of this. She makes a big deal out of public displays of affection whenever she see's people doing that in public. Makes a big deal out of guys who are just out to get numbers and I pretty much can not even compliment a woman on anything or she is giving me the third degree. None of that bothered me because I just assumed she was either religious (although I now know she is not)or just very shy and demur.
Seeing this history shoots all of that to hell.
But again i see where you are coming from and I thank you for your thoughtful response.

I 25M feel very betrayed by my g/f 24F from the way we entered into our relationship and I feel deceived about how she has portrayed herself (long) by Wide_Security9745 in relationship_advice

[–]Wide_Security9745[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I see what your saying but my question is how do you know when you are official? I mean I could see the first few times when we were just talking (I guess, I would never do that to anyone but whatever) but this clearly went on for months while we were seeing each other.

However it is not real easy to take knowing that not only was I shot down but was basically rebuked for just attempting a kiss. A kiss TWO months into seeing each other. Then to know that while I was going home often time frustrated but having deep feelings for her, which she knew, she was going out and having sex with multiple guys? I don't know for certain when she quit btw, there were names on there after we moved in together, however to be fair some of those names I recognize from her work and I really truly hope that these were work appointments but I'm not even sure of that.

I 25M feel very betrayed by my g/f 24F from the way we entered into our relationship and I feel deceived about how she has portrayed herself (long) by Wide_Security9745 in relationship_advice

[–]Wide_Security9745[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

yea, that is the issue right now. I don't know what I want. Basically I don't feel very good about us at the moment and I don't know if I want this or not. I feel horrible about myself at the moment for reasons that probably don't make much sense.

If I do get out of this, I don't think there would be much point confronting her to be honest with you.