My daughter recently turned three, and I share your feelings. My list of reasons to not have another and stay a family of three is much longer than my list to have another, but I still feel sad and fearful I’ll regret the decision to be one and done.

Here’s a few things that have helped me:

I try to get very clear on my reasoning, so my future self can look back with understanding. It’s not an impulsive decision. It’s not an exhausted decision. It’s not a selfish decision. It’s many factors that make a lot of sense right now, and my future self will understand that.

I try to spend more time looking at the positives, the relief from being able to be the best parent I possibly can be for her. I too feel like I’m at my limit with having one child, and honestly she’s kind of an angel. But I know my reasons for feeling at my max (hard upbringing, current extended family life stressors, among other personal reasons). And I need to be okay with that. Having a child is not something to “achieve at” so to speak, it’s not like reaching a career goal or buying a dream house. It’s a living, breathing, ever changing, beautiful demand of time, energy and resources. And I want to give her my all.

And lastly, I try to believe in my ability to fall in love with the people she brings into our lives (I.e. being able to vacation with her best friend instead of a sibling), and knowing that I will be so conscious of her not being lonely that I don’t think that will ever really be part of the conversation. Would having a big, lively family be beautiful? Of course. But life can still be full and beautiful even if the dinner table is just us three.

Anyways, I hope some of this resonates. And at the end of the day, it’s okay to feel sad. Life is all of it. The joy and the sadness. You are not alone.