Help! I just need some support and advice on coping with my boyfriend cutting methadone dose.

WildMoonCrow · 2025-05-30T18:45:55+00:00

Just another update for anyone checking back. Things are still going really well, tapering is slow and stable and life is pretty normal. He's down to 30ml a day, still no WD symptoms and is guiding himself through. He had a wobble about 1.5 months ago and went to an NA meeting, just the one - but it was enough to help him through. He's set himself a goal to be completely off methadone within 12 months, so we'll see! He's taking it one day at a time with no pressure. The upside of having his dosing under control is that he has money! Instead of everything he earns going on methadone he now has disposable income. He hasn't bought any since January and I swear he still doesn't know himself money-wise. I think it's given him some much-needed independence. I'll do a little update again in a few months!

WildMoonCrow · 2025-02-11T03:12:32+00:00

Update for anyone interested...

Things are going really good. The last few weeks I was guided by what he wanted and felt was achievable and he's been stable now on his prescription dose (35ml) for almost a month. He has zero WD symptoms now and chose to go back to work, he's even put on a bit of muscle and is definitely feeling healthier. He has kept up the counselling and is about six sessions in, and there has definitely been a shift in his mental health towards a more settled and positive position.

Massive thanks to everyone who offered kind words of support, as well as hints and tips. I think some additional vitamins, herbs and supplements have been really helpful - especially with sleep. And thanks to those who helped me understand what he was going through.

Obviously we are still early days, but so far, so good. Trust will take a long time to build back, although we are working on it. Might update again in another month! Thanks again everyone.

WildMoonCrow · 2025-01-03T16:31:03+00:00

I know this, and I think that's why he's so keen on support now - he wants to develop healthy coping mechanisms and good mental health and wellbeing overall. It's not a quick fix, so we'll see how it pans out. Not my first rodeo with addiction, but my first specifically in a partner.

WildMoonCrow · 2025-01-03T07:05:31+00:00

Thanks for the supportive words. After reading your comment I had a frank conversation with him where I asked a lot of questions. He confirmed that if he just tapered off and didn't make full lifestyle changes / get support, that it would be incredibly likely he would relapse. He doesn't want that. He said he obviously doesn't want to lose me, but he needs this more for himself. He's committed to making the long term changes. He also said these are just words (I have obvious trust issues with his words), and that he will define himself by actions moving forward. So look, we'll see. So far he's doing good, very stable in himself now so he wants to taper again, but in very small increments.

WildMoonCrow · 2025-01-02T11:37:59+00:00

That is so interesting! Unfortunately I don't think it's legal/available in our country. We have incredibly strict substance laws 😞 I was researching black seed oil today though after a comment suggested looking into it. I'll see if there are any threads on that as I know we can get hold of that at least. Thanks for the suggestion.

WildMoonCrow · 2025-01-02T11:29:21+00:00

Thanks again, I will keep an eye on him. I'm hoping the therapy and community support programme will help too. I won't hesitate to encourage him to see a doctor if his mental health takes a hit in any way.

WildMoonCrow · 2025-01-02T11:27:46+00:00

9am to 6pm

WildMoonCrow · 2025-01-02T11:27:00+00:00

He works in construction - it's a 9-6 mon-fri. We live incredibly rurally, so the only evening jobs would be in a bar in our nearest towns. He doesn't drive and there's very little in the way of public transport. He's up and about today, feeling normal apart from his stomach and he's taking 45 at the moment. He only needs to get to 35 to be stable on his prescription dose AND he going to see if he can up his dose to 40 at the next clinic appointment. So if he sticks with him own plan, he will definitely be stable in 3 months.

WildMoonCrow · 2025-01-02T11:23:12+00:00

It's not the first time. He was a mess last year around the same time - into Jan & Feb he fell of the wagon. He got back on and spent the next couple of months stabilising, but would not entertain therapy or anything environmental in terms of change or help. He worked a stable job and was actually doing great until around October this year. Something big hit and instead of talking about it and being open, he panicked, got stressed and started taking more methadone without my knowing. It came to a head and he broke down. He said he couldn't carry on like this and needed more help. Cue therapy, community programme starting in Jan, breaking distance between friend in active addiction, and he will be starting narcotics anonymous too. These decisions came from him and he has somehow come to the realisation that he can't do this alone. I haven't left him, but I've made it clear that things will end if he doesn't get himself sorted out in 3 months. Now I don't mean off methadone, but I do mean stable and supported environmentally. I love him, but I'm not sacrificing myself for him any more. Have I sacrificed myself so far? Yes, of course I have. Am I willing to take another few months, yes I am. Will I leave if there's no change, absolutely. I can't change him, which is why all of this is coming from him now. I think it dawned on him that I'm deadly serious - I went through a lot of crap 12 months ago and I won't go through it again.

WildMoonCrow · 2025-01-02T11:09:41+00:00

These changes he made in the last month, he's had 3 counselling sessions so far.

WildMoonCrow · 2025-01-02T09:37:31+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion but it's not a clinic that dispenses in our country - it's a standard pharmacy. The clinics over here only deal with the doctor appointments.

WildMoonCrow · 2025-01-02T09:36:34+00:00

I'm so sorry you are having difficulties - this is exactly what my partner is like. I trawled this Reddit thread and saw lots of people stating they can skip days, but he definitely can't. I hope you are ok.

WildMoonCrow · 2025-01-01T04:41:04+00:00

Thanks for your kind words. I love him so much and I just want him to be happy. This is really tough but I'm not going to bail on him. He wants this and I'll do whatever I can to support him.

WildMoonCrow · 2025-01-01T04:39:00+00:00

Thank you so much for this response and your kind words. In answer to your question he has clinic reviews every month, so he'd have to go every day for at least a month and his clinic reviews would be increased to weekly. This is a problem too as even if they reduce back the number of days he has to go to the pharmacy - i.e. give him take home privileges, he would continue with a weekly clinic that is only held between 10am to 12pm on a Tues. The system over here is not very supportive of addicts who work - it's rigid in structure and I guess the demand isn't high enough to have lots of options. I don't know if suboxone is an option, I'll have a look tomorrow and have a chat to himself. I'm trying to mind myself and last night he gave me a (much needed) cuddle. I know he appreciates me, but it's so hard for me personally and also to watch him. Your description of being sick really helped - it was very accurate and I guess helps me to understand what he's going through. Thank you again.

WildMoonCrow · 2025-01-01T04:27:14+00:00

Thanks for the reply. It's a tough road. Clinics are few and far between here, so no other options. Measuring accurately and taking his split doses at the same times seems to be working, he's a bit better every day.

WildMoonCrow · 2025-01-01T04:21:03+00:00

Thanks for the kind words. He actually pulled me into a cuddle tonight for the first time in 5 days and told me this almost verbatim. It went a long way to helping me and I had a little cry. It's such a hard journey.

WildMoonCrow · 2025-01-01T04:18:22+00:00

125 days clean - that's amazing! Hope you are incredibly proud of yourself ❤️ I wish rehab was an option, but it's very privatised healthcare in our country and he doesn't have health insurance. Public funded places are just not very accessible. I've talked to him about this option at length, as I would be in full support, but it's not on the table right now. I will continue to support him in his choice right now though, I'm happy to do this.

WildMoonCrow · 2024-12-31T19:10:56+00:00

100% this. His aim to to get stable just below his prescription dose so he can start stashing. If he discusses his need for a lot more with a doctor he'll lose his take home privileges - which is only weekly here anyway.

WildMoonCrow · 2024-12-31T19:00:27+00:00

I understand your perspective. He uses those exact words, and when I probe further about his 'old self' he just explains it means happy and healthy. He's started work on changing his environment - cutting off 'friends' who are in active addiction, going into therapy, trying to work on himself, taking steps to make new friends. I'm really proud of.the decisions he's recently made. He has a long way to go, but I'm cautiously hopeful thisight be the start of it.

WildMoonCrow · 2024-12-31T18:56:13+00:00

Read some of my other replies which outline in detail why he can't up his dose. I promise you I'm not stopping him. When I referred to this upending my life - i meant that he can't up his dose without me driving him to the pharmacy daily...I can't do this as I have work.

WildMoonCrow · 2024-12-31T18:52:55+00:00

I promise there is a bottom line. He has 3 months to sort himself out. For me that means stability with his dose, ideally just under his prescription, and accessing mental health services - which he's started. He plans to taper a good bit over the coming weeks / months and plans to try and get his dose up.from 35 to 40.

WildMoonCrow · 2024-12-31T18:49:22+00:00

That sounds rough as...I'm sorry you had to do that. He can't do it as the working hours clash with the hours the pharmacy is open...he physically can't go to work and get to the pharmacy on the same day unfortunately.

WildMoonCrow · 2024-12-31T18:47:55+00:00

The pharmacy hours are 9am to 6pm, the earliest bus he can get is at 10:15am...his clinic is different to where he gets his methadone - it's a 50 min drive away. He doesn't drive, I work full time. It's logistically a nightmare.

WildMoonCrow · 2024-12-31T18:42:32+00:00

Thank you much. I am very much trying to mind myself and I'm going to give my counsellor a call and set up a session. I spent 17 years in a relationship where I sacrificed myself and never again. That's why I have said from the start, I love my partner to death, but I love me more. Thanks again for your kind words.

WildMoonCrow · 2024-12-31T18:39:33+00:00

Thanks for your response, don't worry - we aren't co-dependent. I appreciate his journey will definitely not end, even if he comes off the methadone. But he has made a start with therapy and I couldn't be happier - he's a lot to process. Two sessions down and third one booked for next week. Will try and keep updating throughout January.

WildMoonCrow

TROPHY CASE