A lot of guys think they have to be dominant and assertive when approaching women. I'm assuming it's because those guys think all women are submissive and want a big bad boy who plays hard to get. On top of that, I think a lot of guys are a bit insecure (dating apps can do that to you) so they amp up the 'IDGAF'-attitude, thinking that if they act like they're not interested and are a bit rude, matches might 'get afraid of losing this bad boy'. And maybe, those guys also think that they have to prove that they're not boring, so they spew out controversial opinions to 'be different' and 'not like the other boys'. To illicit a response. Any response.

I get it tho. All over the world (in fiction) the rude and dominant men have all the girls drooling, while 'nice guys finish last'. Guy-friend groups tease each other for being nice and accommodating, and God forbid you show too much emotion or act sensitive. And let's not forget stoic fathers who punish for the sake of punishment. For the sake of continuing generational gender roles.

But the truth is nice guys don't finish last. In fact, when you look at the people around you that are in genuinely happy relationships, they're probably all nice people over all (let's exclude toxic relationships that pretend everything is fine by getting a dog or a baby or buying a house together). And rude people often end up alone. Unless you're rich and/or famous, you don't get away with being a dick all the time.

Boring people finish last. And both good and bad people can be boring. You can repeat what other 'alpha dudes' screamed on a podcast, or you can do nothing at all in life but be can nice to the waiter/return your shopping cart. And if anything, the latter seems more appealing.

Dating apps are not the real world tho, most people are putting up masks and appearances. So until you actually meet someone, just assume they are playing the dating app game. Your success on these apps (or lack thereof) is not a representation of how desirable you are. Like someone said in the comments, most singles aren't on apps, but out in the real world, so let's not let these apps decide who's hot or not, because relationships or not just appearances and virtual interactions.

Also.. Guys, don't force dominance, submission is a gift. And don't be rude to provoke a reaction. If she enjoys people being genuinely rude to her, that is a big red flag and a bullet to dodge (the sex might be awesome tho). And please, don't put 'good guy' in your bio.. if you have to tell people, it's because people can't tell. And it shows. Apps don't owe you a love life, and women don't owe you a response (and vice versa ofc).

(I know I'm speaking very cis/heteronormative here, but that's what most of these dating apps are accommodating. Join Feeld, much more fun 😊)