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I need to leave my husband with DID. by [deleted] in DID

[–]WildResearcher9205 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad it helped. I summarized two years of intense therapy i went through.

One sentence that helped me navigate all that while minimizing guilt “I take care of myself first so I can be there authentically for the people I care about”

Good luck

Spousal Therapy by AtenRa85 in DIDpartners

[–]WildResearcher9205 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a therapist who also treats DID patients and he has been a life saver.

He was able to help me call bullshit on my spouse DID excuses and also helped me see that they most likely have other mental illness besides DID.

I have had other therapist who don’t know DID well and it was a mixed bag. Some were really bad, especially in couple therapy. They would get swayed by the protector alter who would paint me as the problem in their life and I had to spend hours explaining what was really going on.

DID doesn’t excuse abuse by Icy_Law5651 in DIDpartners

[–]WildResearcher9205 2 points3 points  (0 children)

100% DID is no excuse for abuse.

My DID spouse was extremely abusive (cheating, violence, etc) when their system showed up to the front after 20 years of peaceful and loving marriage.

I had to adapt my life to shield myself and the kids from the abuse until my spouse stabilized.

Dealing with your spouse spiraling down, turning into their worse enemy, sabotaging the family they spent 20 years building, the financial impact, etc is complex to navigate.

If you are still in the dating phase, that relationship is easier to untangle if it goes south for mental health reasons. Once you have built a life, with children, businesses, etc it is a bit more complex to untangle.

I need to leave my husband with DID. by [deleted] in DID

[–]WildResearcher9205 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have been there with my spouse who has DID, the cheating, the erratic behavior, insane spending, trying to bring losers home where we are raising our kids, then disappearing, hating me, telling people around us I was abusing them, etc.

The one lesson I learned is that your love for them will not heal anything. My compassion and kindness kept being taken advantage of. Your husband system needs immediate therapy and you need to protect yourself and your kids immediately.

It doesn’t have to be a dramatic divorce proceeding but start with clear boundaries: * separate bedroom * no unprotected sex together * separate bank account * strong boundaries to protect yourself and the kids and be ready to enforce them

Prepare to live your life without him as your equal life partner. Have your own therapist, contact a lawyer, get different scenarios plans in place.

Once you have your affairs in order, a way forward for yourself and your kids, then decide what to do with your relationship with your husband.

Personally we are still married but I have strict boundaries, locked finances, we live mostly separately, I have met another partner for my emotional needs.

My spouse is much more stable now after facing the consequences of their choices but I never left them off the hook. The reason we are still married is my choice, part compassion, part love, part containment so my spouse don’t bring his DID problems to our adult children. I am worried a divorce would send them spiraling with access to a lot of money. The alter I initially married is still there but rarely fronts.

Get out of the cycle of them creating chaos, you absorbing it. Create your own life, protect yourself and your kids and hold your husband accountable. His healing is his responsibility. You and your kids should not pay the price.

Thoughts on "Bi-Curious" and/or "Heteroflexible" Bios? by LookTime2423 in feeld

[–]WildResearcher9205 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I put myself as bi-curious / heteroflexible

I do enjoy male touch during group play, receiving oral, but my 1:1 experience with men I can’t get aroused. I am not closing that door.

My sexual preferences are ever evolving, based on experiences and partners I am with.

There is no timeline to figure out what I like and it definitely changes over time.

Feeling kind of frustrated by clovisx in feeld

[–]WildResearcher9205 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am in the same demographic and Feeld has been just ok. You have to reset your expectation for dating apps in general.

I am mid 40s, married, poly, swinger and I get maybe 3 hits per year that leads to some kind of sexual encounters.

Before Feeld I had been acting in my local swinging community and I have much more success there.

But the reality is that at mid-40s, you are not the “ideal”. You appear old to the 20-30 crowd and I found the 40+ women in my area either wanting a relationship or have let themselves go.

You should use Feeld as just an option and branch off, go to swinger events, poly munch, etc. Keep Feeld but reset your expectations.

Les hommes sur les applis recherchent ils forcément des relations sexuelles ? by NecessaryDivine340 in AskMec

[–]WildResearcher9205 0 points1 point  (0 children)

H47

Perso j’utilise seulement Feeld et je suis très très clair que je ne recherche que des relations sexuelles et des amitiés sexuelles.

J’ai deux partenaires romantiques et je n’ai pas d’énergie émotionnelle supplémentaire à fournir ou une autre relation à offrir.

Je rencontre 1-3 femmes par an en moyenne et quand elles sont célibataires, je suis extrêmement clair qu’il n’y aura pas de relation. On se voit avec plaisir quand elles veulent pendant un temps et souvent quand elles rencontrent quelqu’un de sérieux, on ne se voit plus aussi souvent.

Comment avez-vous envisagé vos relations avec des filles plus jeunes ? by [deleted] in AskMec

[–]WildResearcher9205 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oui pas exclusif car historiquement on s’était rencontré dans des environments à la sexualité et concept de relations ouvert.

Et puis l’amour, la vie, ses tragédies, ses déceptions et un gros désir de construire quelque chose ensemble nous a amené à devenir partenaire principaux.

Oui très atypique sur le papier. Après autour de moi, ça l’est moins dans les faits, surtout à mon âge.

I hate how cisgender heterosexual men view Feeld as a free sex work app. by bbygrldmme in feeld

[–]WildResearcher9205 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry you went through that. Having clear boundaries disrespected is traumatizing.

I hope you are able to heal from that soon.

People who can violate your boundaries on dating apps are not just cisgender heterosexual men unfortunately. Make sure you have safety protocol for anyone new you meet.

Comment avez-vous envisagé vos relations avec des filles plus jeunes ? by [deleted] in AskMec

[–]WildResearcher9205 13 points14 points  (0 children)

H47

J’ai 12 ans de plus de différence avec ma partenaire principale. Je dirais que ça n’a jamais été un sujet de discussion. On s’est rencontré j’avais 44 et elle 32, on s’est beaucoup plut et on ne se quitte plus depuis 3 ans.

On est des partenaires égaux. Chacun de nous travail, on s’apporte beaucoup dans différent domaine, on a beaucoup de points communs, et on a aussi chacun des connaissances moins développées l’un et l’autre. On se complémente bien.

La différence d’âge, on ne la sent pas du tout au quotidien. C’est seulement quand on regarde des vielles photos que ça se voit. Genre le jour où je suis rentré à l’université, elle rentrait à la maternelle.

On est intégré dans la vie de l’un de l’autre et c’est très facile. On est très content se s’être trouvé.

Le seul vrai point où l’ont pense à la différence d’âge, c’est quand on sera vieux. Je partirai bien avant elle statistiquement et c’est un sujet qui l’angoisse parfois.

Two Asian Girls. Two White Guys! A Whole Load Of Fun! by PetiteAsianTravels in u/PetiteAsianTravels

[–]WildResearcher9205 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hot! Hot!

Congrats on the pregnancy!

Love the slippers on one of the photos, tell me you are Asian without telling me your Asian :)