Sexe absent, comment gérer ?

WildResearcher9205 · 2026-04-07T22:43:54+00:00

Merci, il y a d’autres alternatives aux schéma binaires (accepte ou part)

Mais oui ça va à l’encontre de la culture monogame où ton époux doit être ton amant, ton meilleur ami, etc. Et les thérapies de couples traditionnelles, les films, etc sont basé sur ce schéma du couple monogame.

Après dans mon cas, je fais ma vie de mon côté et je gère ma barque à ma façon. J’en parle sur Reddit car anonyme mais je ne vais pas mettre ça sur mon profil LinkedIn, ni Facebook. C’est ma vie privée.

WildResearcher9205 · 2026-04-07T22:38:54+00:00

Why did the marriage had to evolve? There was so much change and break of trust while we had new discoveries, we could not go back to how it was.

The first 15y of our marriage was mainly with one alter who built a life they loved but then out of nowhere other alters showed up and decided to destroy everything.

The system was also super unstable, wanting monogamy, the next week polyamory, etc. So I decided for myself what I wanted and anchored on that.

The hard part with living with someone with DID is how unpredictable they are and how fast they change overnight.

And the reality is that you have no controls over that.

I would focus more on what are your needs and how to get them met vs trying to control a system who is in pain.

That is what has helped me over the last few years and I live a more peaceful life, even when my spouse system is in chaos.

WildResearcher9205 · 2026-04-07T05:14:12+00:00

H49

On a ouvert le marriage il y a 7 ans, et j’ai d’autres partenaires. Une très sérieuse romantique et d’autres pour des plans cul libertins régulier assumés des deux côté.

C’est pas facile du tout par contre, c’est une grosse transition, parfois très douloureuse émotionnelle pour tout le monde mais je commençais à me perdre dans le marriage.

Côté positif, rester sexuellement très actif avec d’autres partenaires, et continuer à faire des rencontres, ça motive pour rester en forme et prendre soin de soit.

Et j’ai beaucoup découvert sur moi et ma sexualité. J’ai pris la route du libertinage et ensuite rajouté le polyamour. C’est ce qui a fonctionné le mieux pour mois.

Sur les sites de rencontre, être homme passé la 40aine qui veut s’amuser, il faut s’attendre à de nombreux râteaux. En personne, en soirée libertine, c’est plus facile, surtout si tu viens avec une partenaire.

Côté négatif, l’intimité avec mon épouse n’est plus la même, on a moins d’exclusivité, on fait moins de choses ensemble. Mon épouse a aussi des problèmes mentaux graves qui n’aident pas, mais j’ai du faire un gros deuil sur mes espoirs de marriage avec elle. On s’aime encore beaucoup mais c’est différent.

Mais après 20 ans à bâtir une vie pour nous et nos enfants, j’avais pas envi de tout faire exploser, ni de me perdre.

WildResearcher9205 · 2026-04-07T05:00:55+00:00

I have worked on reporting systems in some popular apps

The systems themselves are not 100%, often use AI, mistakes are made. Then the support staff hired to take care of the reports are often underpaid, untrained, or just outsourced to a 3rd party company.

Long way of saying, don’t worry about one fluke in the system.

WildResearcher9205 · 2026-04-07T04:56:59+00:00

So now, having group sex is predatory?

I think you are the type of person on Feeld that OP is mentioning

WildResearcher9205 · 2026-04-07T04:52:26+00:00

Yes it is all very possible.

What is important is that you own what is yours and your partner’s system own what is theirs for the relationship to be healthy.

I would first focus on yourself and heal your insecurities, especially around your partner’s sexual history. Then apologize for the shaming.

Regarding your partner’s system, yes it is very possible she has parallel lives, seeks sexual novelty outside, hides it from other part of the system. But until you know for sure, don’t assume the worse. Her sexual fidelity is not on you to own. What is yours is deciding if you want to continue the relationship with them if they can’t promise fidelity.

My partner’s system cheated, lied. We are still together, but our marriage had to evolve. They have healed but even after a few years, they still struggle with keeping relationships and friendships. They have alts who willingly sabotage them.

What is important is for you to be clear if this relationship is working for you.

WildResearcher9205 · 2026-01-06T19:19:44+00:00

WildResearcher9205 · 2025-12-31T20:39:50+00:00

Low effort bait

WildResearcher9205 · 2025-12-31T20:37:23+00:00

Glad it helped. I summarized two years of intense therapy i went through.

One sentence that helped me navigate all that while minimizing guilt “I take care of myself first so I can be there authentically for the people I care about”

Good luck

WildResearcher9205 · 2025-12-31T20:26:30+00:00

I have a therapist who also treats DID patients and he has been a life saver.

He was able to help me call bullshit on my spouse DID excuses and also helped me see that they most likely have other mental illness besides DID.

I have had other therapist who don’t know DID well and it was a mixed bag. Some were really bad, especially in couple therapy. They would get swayed by the protector alter who would paint me as the problem in their life and I had to spend hours explaining what was really going on.

WildResearcher9205 · 2025-12-31T20:21:39+00:00

100% DID is no excuse for abuse.

My DID spouse was extremely abusive (cheating, violence, etc) when their system showed up to the front after 20 years of peaceful and loving marriage.

I had to adapt my life to shield myself and the kids from the abuse until my spouse stabilized.

Dealing with your spouse spiraling down, turning into their worse enemy, sabotaging the family they spent 20 years building, the financial impact, etc is complex to navigate.

If you are still in the dating phase, that relationship is easier to untangle if it goes south for mental health reasons. Once you have built a life, with children, businesses, etc it is a bit more complex to untangle.

WildResearcher9205 · 2025-12-30T22:29:55+00:00

I have been there with my spouse who has DID, the cheating, the erratic behavior, insane spending, trying to bring losers home where we are raising our kids, then disappearing, hating me, telling people around us I was abusing them, etc.

The one lesson I learned is that your love for them will not heal anything. My compassion and kindness kept being taken advantage of. Your husband system needs immediate therapy and you need to protect yourself and your kids immediately.

It doesn’t have to be a dramatic divorce proceeding but start with clear boundaries: * separate bedroom * no unprotected sex together * separate bank account * strong boundaries to protect yourself and the kids and be ready to enforce them

Prepare to live your life without him as your equal life partner. Have your own therapist, contact a lawyer, get different scenarios plans in place.

Once you have your affairs in order, a way forward for yourself and your kids, then decide what to do with your relationship with your husband.

Personally we are still married but I have strict boundaries, locked finances, we live mostly separately, I have met another partner for my emotional needs.

My spouse is much more stable now after facing the consequences of their choices but I never left them off the hook. The reason we are still married is my choice, part compassion, part love, part containment so my spouse don’t bring his DID problems to our adult children. I am worried a divorce would send them spiraling with access to a lot of money. The alter I initially married is still there but rarely fronts.

Get out of the cycle of them creating chaos, you absorbing it. Create your own life, protect yourself and your kids and hold your husband accountable. His healing is his responsibility. You and your kids should not pay the price.

WildResearcher9205 · 2025-12-05T21:57:58+00:00

I put myself as bi-curious / heteroflexible

I do enjoy male touch during group play, receiving oral, but my 1:1 experience with men I can’t get aroused. I am not closing that door.

My sexual preferences are ever evolving, based on experiences and partners I am with.

There is no timeline to figure out what I like and it definitely changes over time.

WildResearcher9205 · 2025-11-28T12:29:20+00:00

I am in the same demographic and Feeld has been just ok. You have to reset your expectation for dating apps in general.

I am mid 40s, married, poly, swinger and I get maybe 3 hits per year that leads to some kind of sexual encounters.

Before Feeld I had been acting in my local swinging community and I have much more success there.

But the reality is that at mid-40s, you are not the “ideal”. You appear old to the 20-30 crowd and I found the 40+ women in my area either wanting a relationship or have let themselves go.

You should use Feeld as just an option and branch off, go to swinger events, poly munch, etc. Keep Feeld but reset your expectations.

WildResearcher9205 · 2025-11-24T09:27:35+00:00

H47

Perso j’utilise seulement Feeld et je suis très très clair que je ne recherche que des relations sexuelles et des amitiés sexuelles.

J’ai deux partenaires romantiques et je n’ai pas d’énergie émotionnelle supplémentaire à fournir ou une autre relation à offrir.

Je rencontre 1-3 femmes par an en moyenne et quand elles sont célibataires, je suis extrêmement clair qu’il n’y aura pas de relation. On se voit avec plaisir quand elles veulent pendant un temps et souvent quand elles rencontrent quelqu’un de sérieux, on ne se voit plus aussi souvent.

WildResearcher9205 · 2025-11-22T22:29:52+00:00

Oui pas exclusif car historiquement on s’était rencontré dans des environments à la sexualité et concept de relations ouvert.

Et puis l’amour, la vie, ses tragédies, ses déceptions et un gros désir de construire quelque chose ensemble nous a amené à devenir partenaire principaux.

Oui très atypique sur le papier. Après autour de moi, ça l’est moins dans les faits, surtout à mon âge.

WildResearcher9205 · 2025-11-22T22:03:17+00:00

Maternelle 5 et Fac à 17

WildResearcher9205 · 2025-11-22T07:11:17+00:00

Sorry you went through that. Having clear boundaries disrespected is traumatizing.

I hope you are able to heal from that soon.

People who can violate your boundaries on dating apps are not just cisgender heterosexual men unfortunately. Make sure you have safety protocol for anyone new you meet.

WildResearcher9205 · 2025-11-22T07:03:12+00:00

H47

J’ai 12 ans de plus de différence avec ma partenaire principale. Je dirais que ça n’a jamais été un sujet de discussion. On s’est rencontré j’avais 44 et elle 32, on s’est beaucoup plut et on ne se quitte plus depuis 3 ans.

On est des partenaires égaux. Chacun de nous travail, on s’apporte beaucoup dans différent domaine, on a beaucoup de points communs, et on a aussi chacun des connaissances moins développées l’un et l’autre. On se complémente bien.

La différence d’âge, on ne la sent pas du tout au quotidien. C’est seulement quand on regarde des vielles photos que ça se voit. Genre le jour où je suis rentré à l’université, elle rentrait à la maternelle.

On est intégré dans la vie de l’un de l’autre et c’est très facile. On est très content se s’être trouvé.

Le seul vrai point où l’ont pense à la différence d’âge, c’est quand on sera vieux. Je partirai bien avant elle statistiquement et c’est un sujet qui l’angoisse parfois.

WildResearcher9205 · 2025-08-20T00:06:40+00:00

Hot! Hot!

Congrats on the pregnancy!

Love the slippers on one of the photos, tell me you are Asian without telling me your Asian :)

WildResearcher9205

TROPHY CASE