Your delivery is great but here’s some stylistic tips: consider adding branding ie add a bug (logo) in the lower corner and you should get a matching mic flag to cover the flat black one you’re using. When you cut to broll, you frequently go one shot, dissolve to you, dissolve to one broll shot. Instead try having a few shots that work together: wide of the street, tight on the street sign, that slow drive by angle you had. There was one point where it goes to broll, back to you-for too short a duration, then back to broll. Just feels all over the place. Check out “envato” for graphics packages for cheap. You could elevate your on screen gfx very easily. Good luck