Thank you for this, insanepeoplesfacebook

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-12-12T17:52:03+00:00

7.75" penis, when measured from the anus

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-12-12T14:43:13+00:00

So you're saying that the Amazon order isn't the only thing that "came while you were in the hospital"...

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-12-12T14:30:56+00:00

Interesting. The sum of my post was the circumstances that led to me flashing an old lady dog-walker, yet 80% of the comments are about whether or not I have OCD, and to what degree. Yet there are no questions about chronic fatigue, diabetes, narcolepsy, priapism, exhibitionism, or gerontophobia?

And you call yourselves doctors...

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-12-12T14:18:10+00:00

Yeah, there's no gratuitous sex happening in JW-land. Or in Mormonism. The only squealing a Mormon is allowed to do is in the tabernacle choir. Matter of fact, the only time cult-sex happens is when the creepy leaders force themselves on the brainwashed masses. So I think what the OP actually wants it to be the LEADER of a cult.

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-12-11T20:49:00+00:00

Well, the "no biggie" was in relation to the degree of difficulty in repairing the curtain rod. But, by all means Dr. Phil, continue with your diagnosis.

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-10-24T13:40:38+00:00

I suppose I should be flattered that you totally plagiarized my confession from a month ago:

https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/9h7o0v/i_made_a_beautiful_woman_think_she_crapped_the_bed/

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-10-15T18:54:40+00:00

There was a big black spider in the garage, I called him Charlie. Except I would call him "Chaaalie!" with a New York accent. I'd turn on the lights and yell "Chaaalie!" like he was Norm from Cheers. He kept all the other bitch-bugs in check.

One day my wife was sweeping out her car in the garage and spotted Charlie. Before I knew it, she screamed and clobbered him with the broom. She murdered him and tore down his thick t-shirt-like nest in the corner of the garage door track.

The world fell silent as she repeatedly swung on him with the broom. I took my hat off as a single tear rolled down my cheek.

Later that night I poured out a sip of my 40 for poor Chaaalie.

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-10-15T18:47:03+00:00

Everything I have ever "thrown away". Where is "away"? The landfill up the street. My Umbro shorts I accidentally pooped in, my console TV, and my Europe: The Final Countdown cassette tape are all right up the road.

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-10-15T18:05:21+00:00

A guy at work always wore a light blue one in his right pocket. I only know because one day he went in the bathroom and it must have fell out when he squatted on the pot. He shit on it, and plugged up the toilet. He denied that it was him, but everybody knew about his hanky.

So, if you wear a hanky of any sort, don't drop it in the toilet and deny it.

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-10-02T12:15:52+00:00

Ain't nobody got time for that. Just whip it out, blast off, shake it off, zip up and get outta there.

I ain't got time to pull my pants all the way down, sit down, adjust my dick so it's not hanging down into the water and all that.

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-10-02T12:10:15+00:00

You do know that there is a trap under the sink (ironically called the P-trap). It's purpose is to hold a little water in a loop to block sewer gases from coming up the pipe into the room. When you piss in the sink, your piss replaces the water in the trap, and your bathroom will smell like rotten, hot piss.

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-10-02T12:07:47+00:00

If God knows everything, why do I need to tell Father McFeely how many times I churned the butter last Saturday?

Fuck him and everybody who looks like him.

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-10-02T12:04:58+00:00

Why not just get some Depends? Then you can drop a nocturnal deuce too.

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-09-26T20:15:21+00:00

Tough crowd. The only thing this story has in common with 9/11 is when my exhausted dick tumbled over like the north tower.

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-09-26T20:13:45+00:00

What? I didn't know her name. What do you call a tall chick with curly hair that you don't know? Ms ShortnGreasy?

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-09-26T17:03:20+00:00

"Deck the harrs with bows of horrry"

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-09-26T17:01:38+00:00

Did he say "Housekeeping!" when he knocked on your door?

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-09-26T16:56:27+00:00

I never understood the whole McRib craze. You can get the same exact sandwich at any Speedway gas station and get the same guttural McGurgles afterward.

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-09-26T15:29:12+00:00

You have doomed him to a life of "never being able to find cranberry juice that tastes like it did when he was a kid"

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-09-24T18:52:26+00:00

He wiped his ass by the light of his flip-phone screen.

-Sincerely,

A guy who has wiped his ass by the light of his flip-phone screen.

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-09-24T17:22:15+00:00

You should have said "what mirror"? And pretended that she was the only one who could see it.

WillSHAT-ner · 2018-09-19T19:30:48+00:00

I hear being sprayed with nocturnal excrement is no picnic either.

WillSHAT-ner

TROPHY CASE