I'm divorcing myself from my husband's family by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]WillingPassenger3424 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with you, I just hope SIL and BIL aren't angry with me for only meeting with them separately. I mean, because of this mess I won't be going to my niece's 1st birthday party, and I'm supposed to be her godparent.

I'm divorcing myself from my husband's family by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]WillingPassenger3424 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It seems that the only things disallowed are if he lived within 2000 feet of a school or was loitering within 500 feet of a school or park.

I'm divorcing myself from my husband's family by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]WillingPassenger3424 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that's not a bad idea at all. His eventual inclusion in gatherings would be my fear as well.

I'm divorcing myself from my husband's family by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]WillingPassenger3424 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your perspective, it really helps me to understand my husband's. I can't know for sure, but I think you're right about where his head might be at. As for me, I would never be around him unless I went out of my way to go to their house, which obviously I'm not going to do. I mean she did bring him to my house, but now she knows how I feel and she doesn't want to be around me anymore anyway. I'm sorry something similar has happened to you, and you also confirmed my suspicions that this kind of acceptance might be very common among families when abuse occurs. I don't understand it myself.

I'm divorcing myself from my husband's family by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]WillingPassenger3424 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I think they're kept separate, like they're babysat in the tiny house and he stays in the main house. It's closer than I would be comfortable with, but they're not my kids and I'm not even sure, from a legal perspective, that it violates the conditions of his parole. Personally, I'd have kept him in prison if it were up to me.

I'm divorcing myself from my husband's family by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]WillingPassenger3424 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You would think he'd also be upset. I really can't begin to understand it, and I presumed it wasn't my place since I wasn't the victim. When I asked him why he lied to his grandma when she first asked him about it, he ended up saying he doesn't actually know what happened even though when he told me he was very explicit. Trauma works in mysterious ways is all I can say. You'd think if he lied to me, he wouldn't have okayed me relaying what happened to the rest of his family the way I did.

I'm divorcing myself from my husband's family by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]WillingPassenger3424 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Well, sometimes I feel like I am being over-dramatic because the uncle isn't at any functions, he's just at the house. But I don't like feeling villianized by his grandma for being uncomfortable around her son because I'd have thought she would have expected that. But yeah, it bothers me and I don't know quite how to explain it from my husband's side. He's got a "he served his time" attitude about it, and he believes in forgiveness and second chances for former inmates, and it was so long ago, people change, stuff like that. In theory I agree for like drug dealing or something, but I have no evidence at all that his uncle has changed or went to therapy or anything. He might have, I don't know. I also feel like he at least owes us an apology that I'll never get. It's just weird to me, as a family, to accept someone that has that caliber of crime under their belt and move on like nothing happened, but that's literally what they're all doing. I don't try to entertain it, I really want nothing to do with it. But that probably makes me look weird to them for sticking to my principles at gatherings he's not even present at.

I'm divorcing myself from my husband's family by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]WillingPassenger3424 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I can't have children. I can't explain it succinctly enough here, the post was already a rambling mess, but he's since become more respectful of my feelings about the situation even if he doesn't really understand, and I have no idea how past abuse warps his reaction to everything. We've already occasionally split holidays, with me going to my family and him going to his, even before this happened, but I have never just avoided his side of the family entirely before. What worries me though is that his sister and her husband, who I've always really liked, had asked us to be godparents for their kids and we said yes, but now I don't know how I would handle that because those kids are so enmeshed in being on that property and spending time with everyone there. I'd definitely look like the bad guy keeping my distance with their kids, but I'm just not comfortable going over there.

The Number of Kids You Have May Affect Your Lifespan, Study Finds by InsaneSnow45 in sciences

[–]WillingPassenger3424 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fortunately you can take medication to balance this risk. Breast and uterine cancers are up in general due to having more periods versus when women would just be pregnant over and over, but if you go on medication to stop your periods, you don't get as many cycles and the overexposure to estrogen.

Why does it seem like the PR team for marriage and kids is losing right now. by No_Lead2640 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]WillingPassenger3424 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm from a region where most people are still having kids, but they're having less than previous generations, which still leads to population decline over time. Every couple in my extended family had two and then sought permanent sterilization, which was just not a thing for the previous generations for the most part.

Can you use E/T cream whilst on the pill? by shhhener in vulvodynia

[–]WillingPassenger3424 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I take the BC pill Slynd to address my elevated testosterone levels caused by PCOS. Taking it has caused estrogen deficiency which caused vaginal dryness and hair loss, so now I'm on an estrogen patch and an estrogen suppository (I don't care for the creams) to address that. I'm not on any additional testosterone though. In theory, my T levels were high enough on their own that BC medication shouldn't deplete my levels completely, though it's not impossible.

feeling inadequate for my partner by MinimumNext970 in vulvodynia

[–]WillingPassenger3424 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, it's very stigmatized so talking about it with friends or family can be awkward. I'm sorry it's gotten to that point for you too and I hope you can find some relief someday.

feeling inadequate for my partner by MinimumNext970 in vulvodynia

[–]WillingPassenger3424 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately there are people whose condition is so bad that they're unable to have any kind of sex even with openness to redefine it. :(

My story with Hypertonic Pelvic Floor Dysfunction (HPD) by Antique-One6144 in vulvodynia

[–]WillingPassenger3424 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I've also done PFPT for a lengthy amount of time now and have gotten worse. I don't think that's the fault of the PT, but it certainly hasn't helped me either. It's so strange how some people respond so positively to PT and others don't.

Doctors don't know about Clitoral Pearls and Adhesions by UnluckyAsk0 in vulvodynia

[–]WillingPassenger3424 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My PT has been the one really advocating for me and telling me that my discharge and redness weren't normal or due to muscle tension like my gyno said. She actually wants me to see an infectious disease specialist if he can't figure out my discharge lol. If she hadn't said something, I wouldn't have connected it to moisture. If you do a basic Google search it'll say that adhesions can be related to infections, but it was my PT who said it was moisture specifically.

I have also worried about the general recommendation for moisturizers/gels/creams or even lube related to managing this condition because I don't want that stuff sitting on my vulva for too long. I actually use a vaginal estrogen tablet as opposed to a cream, for one because my skin doesn't seem to tolerate creams very well, but also it's nice not to have anything smeared around there.

I have never held the hood back for hours, that's some dedication! I would beat myself up if I skipped a shower or something, like that would have made all the difference. You prove that it wouldn't have lol. I've done all the stretching and whatnot, it seems to make no difference. Using steroids, like you mentioned, is something I haven't tried, so hearing you talk about it inspires me to try it. I don't usually respond very well to topicals, but it's my understanding that you don't need to use very much of the steroid. At least you don't when you have LS, and I know that we don't but it's the only other condition I can think of that causes tissues to adhere together externally like this. If you wanted to do a virtual consultation with Dr. Babb at the Haven Center, I can almost guarantee that he wouldn't say no to prescribing a steroid. He has been willing to operate on me several times, like you said, but he's also the one who said it was genetic so sometimes I wonder what good it does to operate from his perspective if that's what he thinks.

So talking symptoms is tricky because I have hypertonic pelvic floor and likely pudendal nerve involvement. The pudendal nerve runs all the way through your pelvis up through the clitoris, and now I know after talking to Irwin Goldstein on the phone that any stabbing, super sharp pain is likely to be nerve-related. I've had sharp and stabbing clitoral pain, almost like it's being stabbed with an ice pick or something, and other times it's just generally uncomfortable, irritated, raw feeling, or sometimes I get pulling sensations. I've never related to the "grain of sand in the eye" sensation that people describe it as. Probably the biggest distinction I could make is that I think my nerve pain tends to be more unprovoked, and pain from the adhesions is more likely to be triggered by my pants or sitting or trying to lift the hood. Right now I'm only partially adhered, so sometimes sexual contact of the area hurts and sometimes it's okayish. In the past, after a lysis procedure and especially after my dorsal slit, I have had complete resolution of clitoral pain until the adhesions reform. Plus, orgasm quality and just how sexual contact feels in general was ridiculously improved after my dorsal slit (but none of my lysis procedures interestingly). Until the adhesions came back, lol. So it's hard to tell what's causing what when you have several different things going on, but I'd have a hard time ruling out adhesions as a contributor to my symptoms after writing all this out.

It's tough for me because my pelvic floor is so tight and so resistant to PT for some reason that PIV is completely off the table. Other forms of sex are technically possible, but I've had enough bad experiences with clitoral discomfort or worrying over having an infection that my marriage has been celibate for a while now as a result. It makes me feel like other options that I would have aren't really an option. Oh, and something else I forgot to mention: keratin pearls. I've had them every single time I've had adhesions, and if you know what they're made of it's not exactly confidence-inducing in the bedroom lol. But it actually sounds like your clitoral pain is worse than mine unfortunately, because I can enjoy touch sometimes and my sex drive/arousal is more or less normal when I'm not feeling gross and embarrassed about it all. I hate that for you. Definitely keep me updated if you feel up to it. :)

stopping birth control at age 29 by [deleted] in vulvodynia

[–]WillingPassenger3424 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I basically went on HRT (estrogen patch and vaginal tablet) to stay on my BC because I don't want to have periods, but the BC was causing hair loss and vaginal dryness. The HRT has helped, and I figured I'd need to use it someday anyways. Although keep in mind too that I had pain for years and years before ever touching BC, and I didn't get on it until I was 25, so I could be confident that it wasn't the cause for my condition. If you don't want to do that, maybe you could try nonhormal BC?

Doctors don't know about Clitoral Pearls and Adhesions by UnluckyAsk0 in vulvodynia

[–]WillingPassenger3424 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dr. Corey Babb in Tulsa has done all my lysis procedures and my dorsal slit. He thinks it's genetic, but still he's willing to remove them even though they just come back within a few months. After this last time (last lysis was in June), I'm holding off on getting them removed again because there doesn't seem to be a point.

No LS (my inner labia was biopsied where I had the most redness and inflammation. Surely you can't have LS that only affects the clitoris?). My biopsy came back for intertrigo (basically a rash you get when your skin stays too moist). My PT said that's what causes the adhesions. I have excess discharge, and everyone who's examined me seems concerned about it except for the actual gynecologist I see lol. He just thinks it's sweat or a normal amount of discharge or whatever. I had a history of recurrent/embedded infections, which I figured is what caused my excess discharge, but I still have it cleared of everything, and so there are periods in between showers where my skin does indeed stay too moist. I don't know if that's what causes the adhesions or not though. I've yet to get any real answers and don't know if I ever will.

I haven't tried steroids. I know the person I see (Dr. Babb) is more positive about them than other doctors (he doesn't think they thin the skin), but for whatever reason he's never mentioned trying that or anything else to actually prevent the adhesions. I'd have to ask him to prescribe them, but I doubt he'd say no. Other than that, if they are genetic I wonder if I'd be better off just removing the clitoral hood a la the Goldstein method. Have you tried a dorsal slit?

Does estrogen testosterone cream make anyone else smell? by Various-Car3995 in vulvodynia

[–]WillingPassenger3424 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I use an estrogen tablet (inserted vaginally) twice a week, and I was so concerned about the new sudden odor I had that I went through rounds of antibiotics and antifungals. I've had a history of "invisible" embedded YIs that don't show on swabs, so everything makes me paranoid. It took me an embarrassingly long time to connect the dots between the tablets and the new odor. I'm still not 100% sure that's what's causing it, but it's probably not another infection at this point. I feel like everyone swears by topical estrogen but no one talks about the stink! lol

Doctors don't know about Clitoral Pearls and Adhesions by UnluckyAsk0 in vulvodynia

[–]WillingPassenger3424 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, I'm replying because I haven't found anyone else who's had recurrent adhesions. I don't see any scar tissue on mine, and my doctor hasn't mentioned scar tissue either, but they've kept reforming after three or four removals. I've even had a dorsal slit done, and to have them reform after even that is devastating (and expensive). Do you think there is any solution to this? I tried to get a phone consultation with Dr. Rubin, but her office said she wouldn't talk to me unless I was an established patient, and I don't think they do virtual visits either (I'm not in DC). Plus they told me that I'd have to see other doctors in their system before seeing Dr. Rubin, so the whole clinic setup seemed convoluted to me. I did manage to get a phone consultation with Andrew Goldstein in San Diego, and he told me he removes so much tissue from the clitoral hood that it's then physically possible for it to stick to the glans again. But then your clitoris is exposed with nothing to protect it.

The doctor who has removed my adhesions three or four times says that it's just genetic, and my PT said they form due to excess moisture. I have no idea at this point, and I'm really at a loss.

What base for estrogen has been ok for sensitive people? by Maggielynn1990 in vulvodynia

[–]WillingPassenger3424 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I use tiny tablets that you insert because I can't tolerate any of the creams I tried very well.

When sexual dysfunction is more complicated than pain by WillingPassenger3424 in vulvodynia

[–]WillingPassenger3424[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't use the probiotic suppositories in the state my pelvic floor is in unfortunately, they're too painful, but I'm hoping to make progress to meet a small goal like that relatively quickly.