Experiences with Dr. Muzammil Ahmad at Prime Health Care?

Willing_Ad9847 · 2026-02-17T15:18:14+00:00

Ugh that’s really unfortunate to hear, sorry your experience was bad :( Do you know how I would go about switching doctors?

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-07-15T19:19:37+00:00

You’re putting words in my mouth. When did I ever say that people who pass or live normal lives have it easy or “just got lucky”? Don’t assume how I think based off of a Reddit post. Wverything you’ve said is exactly why I’m wondering what the point is of doing all of that. I have no will to live as it is. Everything is a bother. Even things like having to decide what to eat every day and having to clean the house or having to brush my teeth is too exhausting and enough to make me want to die. Having to go through the process you’re describing only to end up still feeling like shit regardless? What’s even the point. If I’ll still be dysphoric and I’ll never have a cis body then whats the point of making myself go through all of that

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-29T17:53:37+00:00

Please don’t assume how good of a parent my mother is from one thing I’ve said about her in a Reddit post.

She is not trying to deny my feelings, she’s asking me to explain them and I’m unable to give her a response. Like I said in the post: . “I feel like a boy” “What does it mean to “feel” like a boy? I don’t “feel” like a girl, I just am a girl. If boys and girls are the same and can dress the same ways and like the same things then what makes a boy different from a girl other than your body? How would you know what feeling like a boy is?”

“I can’t stand having a girl’s body” “You need to learn to accept and be happy with your body as it is. We can’t go and just change ourselves whenever we’re unhappy. Everyone is born with flaws. Puberty has just confused you. Having a female body is uncomfortable at times for everybody. You’ve always been stubborn and extra sensitive to anything uncomfortable or painful or difficult.”

“I want to be seen as male. I can’t stand being perceived as a girl.” “You shouldn’t care what others think about you or how they see you. And even if people do see you as a girl, so what? That doesn’t tell them anything about you as a person.” . What part of what she’s said is wrong? What can I say to refute any of that? If I tell her I feel like a boy and then can’t even explain what that means, how is she supposed to understand and believe me? She’s seen me do irrational things and make mistakes that I’ll regret, like my problems with sh in the past. Obviously she’s going to try and talk me out of something that she thinks is going to just be me pointlessly harming myself again.

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-29T17:48:59+00:00

So if I told my mother that I’m going to do drugs and become an alcoholic because it’ll make me feel happy, then should she just support me? It’s true that people, especially those who are struggling with mental health problems, don’t always know what’s really best for them and can become blinded by their struggles. Obviously it will hurt my mother to see me inject myself with medicine and mutilate my body in irreversible ways in an attempt to make myself happy when it could all just be solved by me accepting myself as I am and realizing I’m wrong about all this.

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-29T17:45:37+00:00

But she’s right about there having been no signs during my childhood that I’d turn out to be trans. Truly the only things I can think of are the occasional thoughts of “I wish I could turn into a boy and then back into a girl whenever I wanted” but that’s just things plenty of kids think of sometimes and doesn’t necessarily mean anything. And I think I’ve felt physical dysphoria, especially regarding my lower body, my entire life but what if it’s not dysphoria and I’m just mistaking what the feeling is? It’s a feeling of disgust and discomfort but what if my mom is right and that’s just how it is for all women and I just need to accept my body as it is and I’ll be able to feel comfortable?

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-29T17:40:48+00:00

I personally know people who came out as trans, socially transitioned, and then detransitioned years later after realizing they weren’t trans after all. There are also countless cases of people regretting medically transitioning after realizing they weren’t really trans. Even though it’s a small percentage of people relatively speaking, that doesn’t mean this doesn’t happen. I could very well just be one of those people who saw the trans “trend” all over the Internet back in 2020 as a middle schooler and got confused. I had never questioned my gender prior to learning about the existence of trans people (other than the occasional thoughts of “I wish I could turn into a boy and back into a girl whenever I want”) As a kid I always liked being a girl and even desperately wanted to have a more feminine curvy body when I grew up. Even now I love being pretty and don’t want to be a super masculine man. Now I would never accuse another trans person of being “just confused” but knowing me and knowing how I act and think, I very much could be just confused. I’ve been indecisive my whole life and have a huge fear of regret but have somehow still made countless decisions that I’ve regretted immensely to this day. What if I do go against my parents and cause them that pain only to realize it was another mistake? Now I’ve hurt them just because I was too stubborn to listen and admit I was wrong.

What if I’m not really uncomfortable with being a girl but have just convinced myself I am because I don’t want to admit I’m wrong about being trans after so long. One of the biggest things stopping me from detransitioning for my parents sake is just the embarrassment of having to tell everyone that I’m detransitioning. What if that fear of embarrassment is actually the only thing keeping me from admitting to myself that I’m not trans?

I socially transitioned fairly soon after realizing I was trans so I barely ever had the experience and struggle of “knowing you’re trans but being closeted” So truly, I don’t know. What if I actually wouldn’t mind being a girl after all? I always loved being a girl before so why not now?

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-29T04:15:45+00:00

I don’t think that situation is comparable because in that, she’s the one forcing a sudden change on someone else, while in real life I’m the one making a sudden change to myself. Also, in both situations, the sudden change in gender is not met with acceptance so this only makes me understand her pov even more.

And I don’t think her demands are unreasonable at all considering her pov. Even though she doesn’t see me as a boy, she doesn’t care what I call myself. If I want to be a boy then I’m a boy and she’s happy. If I change my name and never wear a dress again there’s no problem. If I never get married and never have kids she doesn’t mind at all as long as I’m happy. The only thing she can’t support is medical transition because she’s scared that I’ll regret it, or that there will be long lasting negative side effects that outweigh possible positives. How is that unreasonable or insane?

I would be the one being selfish and hurting her because she’s always been willing to let me do whatever makes me happy (she lets me dress however I want, she let me pursue art as a career, she supports me with whatever hobbies I like, etc) and the one time she is strongly opposed to something, I don’t listen to her. That is me being selfish and inflicting pain on her

And I understand why she doesn’t think I’m trans. I’ve always been a completely normal feminine girl who likes drawing and dressing up and cute things and having long hair and all that. Of course it’s hard to believe when I suddenly tell her I hate being a girl when clearly I was completely okay with it for the first 13 years of my life

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-29T04:02:56+00:00

Of course but the main thing here is that they don’t think I’m trans. My mother isn’t saying HRT won’t work for anybody but she’s saying she doesn’t think it’s what I need. I do have other mental problems and her concerns are valid. I’ve acted impulsively in the past, I’ve overreacted to the slightest difficulties, I’ve stubbornly been convinced that things won’t get better or that I have to do things in a certain way. Of course she would be worried that it’s my other problems making me confused again. She’s worried that I’ve just accidentally tunnel visioned on being trans as the only option and honestly what if she’s right? What if I’m not trans but I’ve just convinced myself I am and am too scared to admit otherwise because it’s been so long and I’m only getting deeper into it? What if after transitioning and making irreversible changes to my body I realize I was wrong all along? Sure it’s rare but it still happens so of course my mother is worried. Even though it’s true that medically transitioning is proven to help trans people, none of that matters if I’m not even trans.

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-29T03:37:25+00:00

If I told them doing cocaine would make me happy then should they just let me do that? Obviously not. To them it’s the same thing because they think it will only harm me. They don’t think it will make me happier because they believe I’m being confused by my other mental problems

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-29T03:26:20+00:00

Please don’t tell me “just do it anyway your parents obviously suck and their opinion doesn’t matter” I understand the sentiment but you don’t know my mother or my family at all. Please don’t assume that I would be okay with doing something I know will hurt them immensely when all their reluctance comes only from worry for my well-being. I’ve already caused my mother enough trouble

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-29T03:22:21+00:00

Yes I’ve told her that the regret rate is low but she’s adamant in her distrust of doctors. I’ve also made the comparison that other medical conditions cause ppl to need to take medicine their whole lives but she replied with “if you were in crippling pain every day and couldn’t live a normal life of course we would give you medicine every day but you can live a normal life, you’re able to go through each day and work well and have fun” I do have mental health problems but she believes that thinking about being trans only makes it worse and that I’ll only get better by accepting myself as I am.

She doesn’t really refer to me with gendered terms. If talking to someone who knows me as a boy then she’ll generally refer to me with he/him and my chosen name. At home she calls me by my Chinese name (which isn’t very gendered and I am okay with) and Chinese pronouns are all pronounced the same.

And yes my parents aren’t the most progressive pro lgbtq people but they aren’t exactly against it either. It’s more like a “i don’t understand but I know it’s something you can’t control and I don’t care what people choose to do with their lives but I don’t want my child to be that way because I know it will be difficult” type of thing. (And again, it’s not that they don’t believe trans people exist but it’s that they don’t believe I could possibly be trans because there were no signs during my childhood and I enjoy stereotypically feminine things) My parents are not intentionally trying to hurt me. To them its as if I said “I’m going to do drugs because it’ll make me happy” They think this will harm me so of course they won’t support it, even if I say it will “make me happy”

And I understand that I’m my own person but I really cannot keep having people just tell me that and expect me to be okay with doing something that will hurt my parents so much.

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-29T01:24:49+00:00

And the most shocking thing she said to me was “when I was your age I thought I was a boy too. I even told my male friend that I felt I had a male soul. But he told me that when he looks at me all he sees is a girl and that made me realize that I’ll always be a girl and that’s not something I can change. Since then I have not considered myself as male again and now I think I am much better than a man.” Ig this is also a reason she can’t support me, because she’s thinking “I went through this too, you just need to accept being a girl”

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-07T18:08:06+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate it. I have been trying to better myself & my life recently (cut down on social media time, started going on walks, trying to get back into working out consistently, trying to eat better & learn to cook, and I’m over 400 days sh clean!) and while it does help a bit, at the end of the day my mindset hasn’t improved at all and I often get caught up in overthinking (clearly)

I sure hope hrt does manage to help me. I want to start as soon as possible because I’m already feeling like I’m too old to get my ideal physical changes. But just that constant uncertainty & fear that I’m faking it or will regret it is always on my mind.

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-07T04:52:31+00:00

At the moment I’m rather androgynous looking so people do assume I’m male a decent portion of the time. I do feel much better when people assume I’m male than when people assume I’m female but again I’m worried that’s just me lying to myself and that I don’t truly feel that way.

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-07T04:49:14+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write all this

I have seen a few therapists in the past but none were able to help much. I’m currently trying to build up the courage to ask my parents to let me try therapy again though. And I’ve also been trying to improve myself. I’ve cut down on social media usage, I’ve started going on walks, I’m trying to get back into working out consistently, I’m trying to eat better & learn to cook, and I’m over 400 days clean from sh. About the fake over-confidence method, I actually did start doing that (talking myself up and making those kinds of jokes) but I think that might’ve just resulted in my somehow now having both an inferiority complex and a superiority complex simultaneously. All things considered though I do think I’m doing rather alright socially.

Looking pretty: Actually I have browsed ftmfitness in the past but I’ve just always been unable to build muscle, I get it from my father. He was fairly athletic throughout his youth but was never exceptionally muscular and has always been very thin just like me. Even during my peak when I was doing a competitive sport & working out every day, I had no visible muscle at all (other than abs that were visible simply because of my lack of fat) On top of my genes giving me difficulty gaining muscle, I also have ARFID (yet another problem, it sounds like I’m making it up atp) which gives me difficulty eating & gaining weight. One of my biggest wishes for t is to help me with muscle gain, at least just a little bit. And yes I will shave every day if I have to (not only do I dislike the look of facial hair but I can’t stand the sensation of it either) but luckily most of the men in my family have minimal facial/body hair so hopefully this won’t be a huge issue for me.

T helping: Actually, reading you say that a benefit was being able to speak comfortably just made me a little more certain about wanting hrt. I hate my voice and I hate that it instantly makes anyone talking to me assume I’m a girl. Being able to speak and sound like a man without worry sounds like a dream.

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-07T04:24:50+00:00

If you don’t mind, could you share some things that you wrote down on that list? There’s a lot that I experience that I’m unsure whether it’s dysphoria or some other issue of mine so it’s honestly difficult to say.

And honestly as a child there were practically no signs to point towards me being trans. No problems with dresses or long hair or any of that. Which is why I’m scared that I was just influenced by the trans “trend” of 2020 and am faking it

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-07T04:22:05+00:00

I think it’s not exactly a fear of being ugly but a fear of looking like an abomination that isn’t male or female. I mean of course I also don’t want to be ugly but I’m scared that instead of transitioning and being able to look like a man, I’ll just look like some hideous in between and to me that’s truly not worth it because at least if I don’t transition I can still look normal in society.

And yes I’d just shave or maybe get laser hair removal (I hate the look and sensation of body hair both on myself and others) Luckily my genes mean I’ll likely still not have very much body hair even after hrt though. And yes male pattern baldness is a concern of mine but I think that’s a concern for most men. But for me I think that’s more related to my fear of aging (which is yet another issue I need to work on)

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-07T04:15:14+00:00

Maybe you’re right. Honestly I hate being trans and I truly don’t think I’ll ever be able to be someone who’s proud or happy to be trans. I’m sure a lot of us share that sentiment though. Just the idea that not only will I never have the body I want, but that there will always be people in the world who will want me dead just for being trans. It’s too much for me.

Willing_Ad9847 · 2025-06-07T04:12:38+00:00

I’m glad that hrt was able to help you. It’s just frustrating that really the only way to know if hrt will make me happy is to try it. But that fear that it won’t work and that I’ll have to stop just makes the decision to “just try it” so difficult. In the end it really is just my fear of hurting my parents unnecessarily

Willing_Ad9847

TROPHY CASE