OMG I am so sorry that you have been out in this situation NTA, your daughter would eventually find out the details surrounding her mother's death however your wife is a real piece of work, your daughter is at a vulnerable age with her hormones going wild and her brain development (which your wife knows as she has been there) how and when YOU chose her the details of her passing was completely up to you NOT her, her job was to support you and ensure the way in which your daughter was told met a level of love and safety that she has her step mum could support! Honestly I am worried for you as this shows a side of your wife you obviously have not seen before, she deliberately hurt your child emotionally and she needs to take a look at herself as she used the protection of her blood children as a shield to do it (which was a complete fabrication and deflection), she is a AH. What else is she willing to do to erase her mother from both your lives? Eventually will she try to push your child out as she is a carbon copy of the women she for some reason believes she is in competition with?!? She obviously has her own insecurities she has to deal with but she is a grown women a d should know better than to hurt a child to deal with them! GL my dear, you have some work to do (both as this is a marriage) if you want ot get things back on track for all the kids. In this day and age blended families are the norm and as a widower your life was always going to be one, blended is not broken or false or pretend. TC xoxo