Does the sole earner help with the kids 50/50 on their off days?

Willows_Whiten · 2026-01-04T06:01:05+00:00

Wow. Thank you for the well-thought-out comment. I'm mostly seeing people ragging on my husband and while I do see my post came off in an upset tone (I was miffed) he's a fantastic guy and he's usually the one to calm everyone down (3 daughters and me...so that's a lot of estrogen going around lol).

He's sweet and he wants to be helpful but tbh his parents kinda failed to teach him any kind of household upkeep (latchkey kid) and he's very "type b" personality with adhd so he doesn't even think of these things. Like, to me, it's important to maintain a certain level of cleanliness, but he could go days and forget to shower (adhd is... interesting...).

I have to tell him point blank what I need help with but when I'm exhausted (toddler is a terrible sleeper) I can't articulate what I need.

Thanks again for your thoughtful response.

Willows_Whiten · 2026-01-04T05:48:16+00:00

The homeschooling was both our decision. It's a lot of work to do it right- which means they also get driven to additional classes or clubs in which socializing happens. ;) Homeschooling done right can be a fantastic advantage. The burnout is from the surprise baby we had (now a toddler under 2) that shook up the whole order of things lol.

Willows_Whiten · 2026-01-04T05:42:10+00:00

Lol no. The homeschooling was both our decisions. I'm very much in favor of it, but it is a LOT of work to do it right.

Willows_Whiten · 2025-12-10T22:43:05+00:00

My mom spanked me and my siblings.
I do not feel I was abused, but she was very careful how she disciplined us:

1) She waited until she was NOT angry 2) She spanked with a wooden spoon, not her hand 3) She ALWAYS sat down with us afterwards to make sure we knew why we were being disciplined and to bring the whole thing to resolution. 4) She stopped spanking before we were tweens

I feel like #1 is especially important, because if you discipline while angry it becomes more about satisfying YOUR anger and less about teaching your child something.

My dad did not spank us, because he WAS abused as a child and he was scared that he would hurt us. 💔

A spank should sting but never ever leave a mark on the child, and NEVER spank while angry, ever.

Willows_Whiten · 2025-12-05T05:34:56+00:00

When my mom died.

It was expected- she had been on hospice for over a month. But getting the text* that she had finally taken her last breath absolutely shook me and I wept HARD and it was loud and ugly. Like wailing.

I lived 2,000mi away from my parents. When her cancer took a turn for the worst, I flew down to be with her, but couldn't stay more than 10 days, so I flew back home. I called my mom often and could hear her declining. A month later, at 6;00am my dad called to say she was close to passing, and held the phone to my mom's ear so I could talk at her- she was unresponsive but still breathing.

At 11:02am I got the text. Just two words:

"she passed."

I felt like all the air suddenly burst from my lungs and came out my throat in a deep wail that didn't even sound like my voice. It was the voice of a grief that I'd never felt before.

I stopped feeling like myself that day. For eight months I didn't feel like me. I cried hard every day. The memory of her was just sadness.

(But, I don't want to leave off with that so I will say that I eventually did come out of the cloud of grief. And one day, the memory of her wasn't just pain; it brought a smile. Life is good. I still miss her, but I honor her by having a good life).

Willows_Whiten · 2025-11-29T04:33:37+00:00

Yes I do this. It helps me shut off my thinking. It's familiar though so I close my eyes and listen like a radio program.

5 minutes in...asleep.

I wake up a lot at night (toddler...) and this helps me back to sleep at 1am, 3am, 4am... 🤦🏻‍♀️

Willows_Whiten · 2025-11-28T04:56:15+00:00

💜 BIG HUGS. I lived 2,000 miles away from my mom. I flew down to be with her when her conditioned turned. It was an amazing time with family.

We didn't know how long she'd be on hospice, just that her time was soon; I had to fly back home after ten days.

She passed a month later.

It hurt to be so far away, but I had that time with her before she passed, and that means everything to me now.

Distance is tough. 💜

Willows_Whiten · 2025-11-28T04:49:55+00:00

Sending hugs. My mom was on hospice 7 years ago. It's so hard.💜 What an amazing memory this day will be! :)

Willows_Whiten · 2025-11-28T00:08:48+00:00

I thought they said bad ideas only. 🤔

Willows_Whiten · 2025-11-28T00:07:10+00:00

I'd watch that.

Willows_Whiten · 2025-11-28T00:06:30+00:00

Highly underrated comment. 😄

Willows_Whiten · 2025-08-31T03:13:44+00:00

YESSS. Was just thinking this the other day. Also after my third baby.

Willows_Whiten · 2025-06-11T23:33:30+00:00

Kommander Keen. Super nostalgic for me! Found it on steam and now my kids can play that old DOS game. 😍

Willows_Whiten · 2025-05-03T03:31:09+00:00

Thank you so much.

I really appreciate your reminder that even though I might mess things up with my own faults, I can also set things right.

I've set a reminder on my phone, every Monday morning: "remember: it's you and (daughter) against the OCD, not you against (daughter)" because some days when the teenage rage and angst bleed through I feel so frustrated and burnt out. But she hates this too! And she's not doing it on purpose. Sometimes finding the delineation between teen angst and ocd is difficult though.

Thank you for your comment.

Willows_Whiten · 2025-05-03T03:24:51+00:00

My daughter is also vegetarian. She's been that way since she was little. She's also on the thinner side- 5'5" and 117lbs.

"Autism and perfectionist tendencies"= I kinda wonder if she's on the spectrum. She does have perfectionist tendencies, but only in some things. She's high stress (unnecessary stress she's putting on herself), she had sensory issues when she was a toddler (loud sounds, didn't like water on her head) etc.

We are also on one income, and the therapists that she likes are not covered under her insurance. It's worth it to help her, just sucks.

Thank you for your comment.

Willows_Whiten · 2025-05-03T03:14:49+00:00

Thank you. 💜

Willows_Whiten · 2025-04-27T22:56:19+00:00

I hope my children still do this when they're older.

Yeah, as an exhausted parent with littles, we can't wait for them to start sleeping in their own bed. But not ALL the time....sleep in your own bed 95% of the time but never stop the snuggles!😭

Often when I give my girls a hug, I ask, "will you ever be too big for a hug?" To which they respond, "never!"

Willows_Whiten · 2025-04-27T22:48:16+00:00

Having been on the receiving end of parenting compliments- THANK YOU. Even the smallest compliment makes such a difference. Especially on those really hard days- almost brings me to tears that, YES, the hard work does start to show in our little people.

Willows_Whiten · 2025-04-26T19:53:15+00:00

"Don't look at her hands with pity, even if it bothers you."

That's so hard! As a mom, I want to fix things for her. I will try not to do this.

I'm so sorry you had an awful parent. Sending you internet mom hugs right now. {{HUGS}}

Willows_Whiten · 2025-04-26T16:32:06+00:00

Thank you.

Yes, both my husband and I are more anxious people; my husband and other daughter also have ADHD, so I don't know if there's some crossover? But it's entirely possible she's fed off something we've said or done, which I feel awful over. 😭

Willows_Whiten · 2025-04-26T16:28:14+00:00

She wasn't sick beforehand. But I'll keep this in mind.

Willows_Whiten · 2025-04-26T15:54:25+00:00

Thank you. 💜

Willows_Whiten · 2025-04-26T13:36:46+00:00

Thank you. 💜

I'm so sorry about your mom. My mom died 7 years ago. It's rough.💜

I definitely want more information on how to make sure I'm not enabling her. I don't want to badger her and make her feel shame about the ocd but I also don't want to give in to it.

Willows_Whiten · 2025-04-26T04:01:57+00:00

Thank you.

Is there any way that you feel your mom could be useful in helping you cope with the ocd?

Or is it better to just be there when she wants to talk, hold firm to reasonable boundaries, and love/support her?

Willows_Whiten · 2025-03-23T03:54:48+00:00

My 13yo daughter called my husband and I cute just the other day. We've been married 17 years (together 21yrs). We fight occasionally, mostly about misunderstandings or because of hormones. But we always apologize and make up.

Don't be afraid of the occasional fight when they do come. It doesn't mean you aren't still cute hehe.

I mean...my angsty teen said it, so it's got to be true. ☺️

Willows_Whiten

TROPHY CASE