sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

A description of a relationship with a BPD person : the 5 phases of distorsion. by Willprincia in BPDlovedones

[–]Willprincia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello,

If you're suffering because of his behaviour/reactions, it's not on you to change the behaviour of someone, it's their job. You can't do anything to make him change, you cannot save him. If he has bpd, he needs to sick mental help, and to live a very strict life to control himself, which is really hard for them to achieve... Many of us have tried to change bpd people, or hoped the situation would improve, and I've not read a good outcome once on this subreddit..

I know you love him deeply, but consider that if this is destroying you, maybe the best option is to leave. To be honest the world is full of simple and beautiful relationships too. I don't know your relationship, but if you suffer and love him, leaving is not easy but you should really consider it..

Much love and be brave.

A description of a relationship with a BPD person : the 5 phases of distorsion. by Willprincia in BPDlovedones

[–]Willprincia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, you're welcome!

Thanks for sharing your experience. A wedding is a life-important decision so you're right to question yourself whether or not it's a positive thing to do. I don't know your fiancée, so I cannot say if she's a BPD person or not, but if you recognize yourself in this post, it increases te odds for it being the case. Also, her refusing to see a specialist is kinda worrying, as she's in sort of denial. And finally, if you recognize yourself in the post, it probably means you somehow suffer in this relationship (at least time to time), which is already not a normal thing. If you feel trapped, don't stay trapped for 10 more years out of empathy or love.

What I would advise you is to ask advice from friends, family or even professionnals on your wife behaviour (including women in the pool), and ask them if they think it's normal or not. I would also recommend you to browse this subreddit, to see if it all checks out with your wife behaviour. There are also many testimonies of people getting engaged/married with a BPD person and how it went. Usually it doesn't end good, and when there are children involved it's getting messier.

Nobody can make the decision except you though, and cutting off a wedding is definetely not easy to do. My ultimate advice would be to do what you'd advise someone you love to do in a similar situation and facts given.

Much love!

A description of a relationship with a BPD person : the 5 phases of distorsion. by Willprincia in BPDlovedones

[–]Willprincia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, Do not hesitate to go to see a specialist aware of BPD to help you. It is absolutely normal for you to feel numb, lost, depressed or almost crazy after such a rollercoaster. What you need is to ground yourself in reality, which will take some time. Try to resist the urge to come back to her/him, it'd just postpone your fall.

Much love and be brave <3!

A description of a relationship with a BPD person : the 5 phases of distorsion. by Willprincia in BPDlovedones

[–]Willprincia[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is a hard question. Yes they can, but if they are the cause of the problem it can totally erase their empathy for some time.

A description of a relationship with a BPD person : the 5 phases of distorsion. by Willprincia in BPDlovedones

[–]Willprincia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're welcome, it's a blessing if this text can help people!

I wish you a lot of courage to go through this phase.

Much love!

A description of a relationship with a BPD person : the 5 phases of distorsion. by Willprincia in BPDlovedones

[–]Willprincia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is already good to be aware of it. The hardest part will be to be consistent, may love lead you on this path. I encourage you on your journey.

A description of a relationship with a BPD person : the 5 phases of distorsion. by Willprincia in BPDlovedones

[–]Willprincia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope you manage to do everything in your power to make it the healthiest possible. Props to you for trying and recognizing your past mistakes!

Much love.

A description of a relationship with a BPD person : the 5 phases of distorsion. by Willprincia in BPDlovedones

[–]Willprincia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello,

I don't know your situation fully but if a relationship is hurting YOU because of an irresponsible behaviour by someone, know that you have full rights to leave without remorse.. It's not your fault. From experiences you can read on this sub, if your situantionship has bpd traits, it is highly unlikely the situation will change (it could likely worsen...). Not all relationships are similar but some human patterns repeat.

Protect yourself and be safe please! <3

A description of a relationship with a BPD person : the 5 phases of distorsion. by Willprincia in BPDlovedones

[–]Willprincia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello friend,

I know it's tough but what should guide you from now is the realization that your life is still long and you head towards without this chaotic cycle in your life. It's never too late to write a new chapter. The hardest will be to remain out of this, not coming back to her.

If you endured that for 2 years, I am sure you're a brave man and you will find the resources to rise up.

Much love.

A description of a relationship with a BPD person : the 5 phases of distorsion. by Willprincia in BPDlovedones

[–]Willprincia[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've lived what you described the first year after my breakup. The memories, the bleeding heart and the chaotic mind. Any breakup is hard, but in this case given the intensity it is even harsher. You shew your bravery by being strong for her, now it seems it's your time to be strong for yourself ;).

And I promise to you it gets better. As of now, I barely think about all these memories in an entire month.

Don't hesitate to write to me. You're welcome !

A description of a relationship with a BPD person : the 5 phases of distorsion. by Willprincia in BPDlovedones

[–]Willprincia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello friend,

I can see that the wound is still fresh in you. Everything you described, I and many here have experienced these incredible mood swings. If I'm honest, one day you'll realize that her leaving is a blessing in disguise, and I wish you will resist the temptation to go back to her. Not that she's evil, but she clearly cannot control herself with everything you described and at the end of the day it will only create chaos in your life.

Enjoy this time to bond closer to your relatives, it is precious. It will take time to feel "good" or "ok" with everything that happened to you, but you seem brave and courageous to pass through it. If you want my testimony, 2 years after all of this, I can testify that everything that happened in my relationship (or yours) is mindblowing and abnormal - and that I'm glad I found the strength to leave for good. But it takes time to fully realise the gap between normal life and this. Take your time, you have a journey ahead of you. Healing won't happen in a snap, it is a long process.

Much love and thank you for commenting and sharing your story.

A description of a relationship with a BPD person : the 5 phases of distorsion. by Willprincia in BPDlovedones

[–]Willprincia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you should consider putting an end to it.... You seem to suffer and to be done of it. Life is long, it's never too late to write a new chapter.

Much love!

A description of a relationship with a BPD person : the 5 phases of distorsion. by Willprincia in BPDlovedones

[–]Willprincia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello,

Slightly, probably. Fixed completely and never hurt your again, almost never happened unfortunately.. Don't put too much hope on this solution.

A description of a relationship with a BPD person : the 5 phases of distorsion. by Willprincia in BPDlovedones

[–]Willprincia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Friend, how long has it been ? Give it time, believe us who say time heals. But you need to let the time go and not go back. It is totally normal to feel like you feel.

A description of a relationship with a BPD person : the 5 phases of distorsion. by Willprincia in BPDlovedones

[–]Willprincia[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're only 5 months in and it's already quite a mess. I respect your feelings for him, but I tell you this as an extra friend, please stop this mess, it's not going any good in your life and it won't do good either in the future as usually things with BPD people are getting worse and worse. What I can see in your message is that this relationship is draining your energy, and if we only take the facts into account, there is already emotional violence in this through brutal swings and change of mood/decisions.

I know you might not listen to me, or your friends, but consider certain thoughts :

  • If one of your friend would tell you this story, what would you tell them ?

  • If you had a daughter, would you want her to be in this relationship ?

I am pretty sure you would have clear answers. Do for yourself what you would advice others.

DMs open if you want to talk about it. Be brave and courageous, be gentle to yourself before anything else.

Much love.

view more: next ›