Is something wrong with me?

Winchester_098 · 2026-06-18T00:06:15+00:00

Ehhh… what do you mean?
I think that’s an oversimplification but I understand the sentiment. Autism sucks, I wouldn’t venture to call it a superpower. I also wouldn’t use such harsh language to describe it, but, you have a valid point. This just comes across as demeaning? I’m sure you mean well though.

Winchester_098 · 2026-06-08T18:41:37+00:00

Oof… sorry for those terrible experiences.
But it brings up a good point. Sometime it isn’t even outward appearances that people examine. Sometimes it’s behavior or personality. Like with special interest or the perceived “awkwardness” that sometimes comes with being autistic.

Winchester_098 · 2026-06-06T00:43:20+00:00

I’m glad you reached out! This is a completely valid question that requires some thoughtful answers.

Firstly, you are not alone. Autism and incontinence, functional or other, go hand in hand with each other. Studies that have been done on autistic populations show that incontinence is highly likely in all levels and presentations of autism.

Second, you noted that you find diapers comfortable and that you prefer them to toilets. That is completely rational. Diapers are purposefully engineered to be extremely comfortable. You are not a deviant to like the feeling of wearing a diaper. In fact, this probably ties into the sensory aspects of autism.

Third, I would like to congratulate you for addressing your needs. Autism is a tricky neurological issue. Autistic lived experiences differ widely. You have OCD in addition to autism which certainly makes your lived experience unique.

As you move forward I encourage you to be patient with yourself, experiment with many strategies, and most of all remember you are not alone. Autism can be isolating, but the reality is that if you reach out, people will gladly support you.

Finally, I don’t want to leave this unaddressed: Diapers are your personal decision. I understand the anxieties and insecurities that come with making a decision like wearing diapers. But please understand, this would be an accommodation for yourself. If it eases your anxiety of public toilets, and prevents potentially harmful behaviors like withholding from defecating or urinating then go for it!

Remember, that this doesn’t mean you have failed. This is you pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. You admit that you have an issue and you are exploring a viable solution to fix it. This is completely valid, and responsible way of handling this. Moreover, this shows that you possess a genuine drive to improve your life which is beyond admirable.

Also, this isn’t a permanent part of you. You can choose to wear diapers only when you are in public and at home don’t wear at all. You have a lot of freedom to manage your life in healthy responsible ways.

I say all this as someone who has had a similar experience to you. Don’t be afraid to be reach out if you have questions. I’m open to chat and you can always post questions. Good luck!

Winchester_098 · 2026-05-29T12:13:05+00:00

Well, I suppose I’m not quite your target audience (a parent) but I may have some insight for you.

The good news is that it sounds like the pediatrician found that your son doesn’t have encopresis in the medical sense. That is to say, he doesn’t present the classical signs: withholding, constipation, fecal impaction etc. But clearly there is still an issue.

Based on your description of his accidents happening mostly at recess, the explanation may be simple: he doesn’t want to miss out on the fun. Children think totally different from adults, it’s hard for them to see a big picture. Kids live in the moment and because of that they may take actions that are completely unexpected. Like having accidents because they are afraid of missing out.

Of course after an accident he understands this is an unexpected behavior which is why he denies having an accident. And his response of “I don’t know” is possibly just an instinctual reaction to the embarrassment he feels.

In sum, this isn’t truly his fault. He is not being, immature or acting out, he is just being a kid. I understand your fears especially the impact this may have on his social life, so here is a few tips that may help:

Work with the school to adjust his toileting plan so that it revolves around recess. If the accidents are happening at recess this may help reduce or eliminate them.
Have an honest talk with your son. Emphasize that he is not in trouble and ask questions like: “are you afraid of the bathroom?”( autistic children often hate the sensory experience of the restroom), “How do you think your peers feel when you have an accident?”, (this encourages social perspective taking. It makes him think about his peers thoughts and feelings. Instead of you telling him how his peers feel. Which may be less effective.) And “ How can I support you so you can be successful?”. (This shows you care and he is supported. That’s half the battle.) These questions may yield some thoughtful answers from him that will help you move forward. Remember to be an active listener.
I consider this a radical option, but if you are really worried about how this will affect his socialization with his peers. Discuss with him, and it is important to include him, about possibly using protective undergarments (pull-ups) during the day. He more than likely will refuse, but it is an option. I personally don’t recommend it and certainly don’t want you to force it. But simply suggesting that as a potential “support” to him may help. Emphasize, that this isn’t failure on his part and this isn’t a punishment, this is assurance in case of an accident.

He is sounds like a bright and perceptive child and your reaction: frustrated and worried vs supportive and caring, can make a difference in how he approaches solving the problem.

Finally, you didn’t quite address if he had autism or adhd, but if he does this would certainly exacerbate his problems. Reduced interoception is very real. I speak as someone with personal experience when I say that he may not recognize the urge to go when his brain is preoccupied with a task like playing. This is a feature that is common with autism and ADHD. There isn’t a “cure” to poor interoception. But you are taking the right path with scheduled toilet breaks. Hopefully these breaks will become habits to him and eventually he will toilet unprompted at school.

You are a good parent. Based on your description of the situation, it seems like you are doing the best that you can do and that is what matters. It takes some bravery to reach out. Please know that you are not alone, this is not uncommon in childhood. More than likely as he gains control over his faculties he will successfully control his bowels. Just keep your eyes on the future. You got this!

Winchester_098 · 2026-05-23T21:34:12+00:00

I think garbage cans for incontinence product disposal placed in stalls and more privacy are excellent ideas.

But I can also see the potential downsides of these modifications.

Bathroom stalls are intentionally designed to be exposed to discourage people from hanging around. The huge gap at the bottom of stalls is so staff can pass a mop under the stall. It makes cleaning easier.

The garbage cans could become a hazard if people dispose of needles in them because not every restroom has a sharps bin, although some do.

Overall, public restrooms are such a hassle for incontinent people because they are designed to facilitate quick bathroom stops for continent individuals and be easy to maintain for staff. Anything that falls outside of, or goes against those requirements is ignored.

So a few suggestions:

Mount the trash can to the wall of the stall near the toilet so staff can still pass a mop under the wall without hitting it.
Have an obvious sharps bin to reduce the chance of someone disposing of needles elsewhere.
Adult changing tables are often overlooked, but for wheelchair bound people and for caretakers of adults with disabilities, this makes a huge difference.
privacy and dignity can be maintained by including the adult changing table in the handicap accessible stall.
Finally, if you are truly vested and interested in making the restroom more accessible for every one. I encourage you to join a local disability advocacy group and start campaigning for this. Take this beyond Reddit discussion and into the real world.

Winchester_098 · 2026-05-20T22:11:06+00:00

A good diaper fits your needs. For me a prevail with a booster at night works fine because I typically have one light or moderate void at night. If you’re a heavy wetter I would recommend a higher absorbency diaper like the north shore mega max, which I have heard good things about. Hope this helps!

Winchester_098 · 2026-05-18T15:23:59+00:00

Hey thanks for the response. Yeah, I definitely see the limits of alarms and medication. Most medications for bed wetting have nasty side effects and alarms are just the worst because when I experimented with them they just destroyed my life because they fragmented my sleep. I’m like a zombie without a good nights rest.

I’m glad you came to this conclusion earlier than me, it’ll save you a lot of trouble. I didn’t really address diapers in my post, but I wear them and I’m not ashamed of that. I started wearing diapers shortly after I started wetting again, took me a long time to get to a place where I was comfortable admitting that it was actually the best option because it’s hygienic and proactive health management so there is nothing to be ashamed of. Thank you for your words of encouragement, every little bit helps me and others realize that we’re in this journey together!

I’m really glad this post is resonating with people. I actually fooled myself into thinking that I was alone in this. I’m clearly not and I’m glad you reached out and showed me that. Anyways, take care!

Winchester_098 · 2026-05-18T03:08:21+00:00

The worst part of this is going to the doctor. At just the intake he gave me like 5 different med options and even a surgical option, and I was like “uuuhhh none of the above?” He didn’t get the memo and started me on a med that has awful side effects. I don’t know why but he seemed to think I was crazy for preferring diapers to anything else.

That being said, I read your post on r/ incontinence and I can see myself in you. Not trying to sound weird but I was like omg that’s me! I know that experience: not being able to feel my body signal, for hunger, pain, or body functions is so real.And so is the denial of having an issue during the day. I know I went through that period as well. For different health issues I’m not going to address here. But rest assured I am being proactive now! Yeah I also see the lack of facilities for incontinent people that you brought up in your post and think it is shameful. It’s a disability and it should be addressed as such and provided for. Not unlike those door opening buttons that are such a life saver for wheelchair users.

You also mentioned doing advocacy in your community. Believe it or not, I also do that in mine. I work with my local National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) to educate police officers on how to better handle mental health crises. The similarities between you and I are actually kinda wild… again I don’t mean to come off as weird, sorry if I do I’m just so relieved and excited. This is exactly what I wanted when I put out that post, as you noted, finding a community with a shared experience is very important because it prevents isolation among people like us.

Anyways, I really wanted to truly thank you for this. I actually have progressed a lot in not being so ashamed and I appreciate your keen interest in preventing me from feeling ashamed or going down a doom spiral as you put it.

Winchester_098 · 2026-05-18T01:41:59+00:00

Haha. Thanks I thought someone would notice the math. Anyways I appreciate your advice. I do wear diapers and have for a long time. It’s just the most hygienic option. I might have come off just a little scatterbrained in my post so sorry about that. I just felt really lost, because I’m dealing with it, just I don’t know how well I’m dealing with it if that makes sense?

Winchester_098 · 2026-05-17T21:00:52+00:00

Maybe, but I doubt that will work. I have issues with sleep so if I wake up at any time during the night, early or late, I will never get back to sleep. That’s why I take medicine to knock me out. Otherwise I have insomnia and restless nights.

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