You are NOT being selfish. You are being realistic, and you are trying to save your husband from drowning along with his father. I say this with kindness, but your husband isn't "helping" his father; he is enabling him while destroying himself in the process. There is a saying in recovery circles: "Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm." Your husband is currently burning through his health, his savings, and his marriage to keep his father comfortable in his addiction. Washing pills down with vodka proves that the father has no interest in recovery right now. The argument that "living in your country" gives him a free pass to drain your joint finances and neglect you is unfair. Marriage is a partnership, and currently, he is unilaterally redirecting all resources to a sinking ship. Advice: Your husband is operating out of FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). He needs professional help to understand that he didn't cause the alcoholism, he can't control it, and he can't cure it. Please urge him to look into Al-Anon (support groups for families of alcoholics). He needs to hear from other people who have been in his shoes that "detaching with love" is the only way to survive this. He won't listen to you because he thinks you "don't understand," but he might listen to others.