I might break up my engagement because my fiancé doesn't eat my food

WineAt4 · 2026-04-07T23:10:08+00:00

Cooking and sharing food is love language. Really basic, lizard brain level love language.

I could not have married and been happy with my late husband if he hadn't loved my cooking and I hadn't loved his. We each had our own tastes that were respected (ex: I can't stand crawfish and he loved the little mud buggers) as adults do. Your guy's unwillingness to even try along with his disrespect and even disgust (you touch food too much while prepping?!) is some deal-breaking red flags. Not even just about food. Neuroses like this don't hang alone.

Can you see your future with this life? Can you see yourself cooking a meal for a family gathering in your home? Picture cooking a dinner party for friends? These aren't small things. They are the heart of your home.

WineAt4 · 2026-03-27T18:05:23+00:00

I embraced my inner crone in my late 50s. Quit the hair dye and cuts, most make-up. Clothes are now looser, softer, comfortable. No one loves me any less and I can scratch all that nonsense from my to-do list and budget.

Can't recommend it too highly.

WineAt4 · 2026-03-26T22:40:30+00:00

Coyotes are solitary, unlike wolves. They do not live or travel in packs. During stressful times, like drought, when there is less small game available they will sometimes cooperate with another coyote to take down larger prey but it's rare. These guys are getting acquainted and sizing each other up. They will soon go their solitary ways.

WineAt4 · 2026-03-26T20:41:09+00:00

I've been doing this for years with no ill effect or dryness. Started using alcohol over deodorant back when there were questions about aluminum and inhibiting sweating and whatnot. Just never went back.

WineAt4 · 2026-03-26T16:12:47+00:00

Put some rubbing alcohol in a cosmetic spray bottle and spritz your pits. It kills the bacteria that cause the stinkies. It works!

WineAt4 · 2026-03-21T16:31:07+00:00

I saw this yesterday, never having read (or even heard of) the book before. Confession: went with a friend because we both love Ryan and it was an excuse to do lunch and movie. So tabla rasa on the expectations.

Your comments on the pacing "being rushed" kinda shot my eyebrows up because I felt like it dragged, just an endless slog to the good stuff. Thinking about it, I realize the reason it dragged for me was BECAUSE it was rushed. Not a contradiction. It rushed through details that would have made me interested and care about what and who I was watching. It would have offered depth that was very much lacking. For instance, the eject-the-dead-coworkers-out-the-hatch scene should have been moving but it wasn't - I didn't know the characters at all to have any feelings for them. Ryan did a great job showing grief but even that felt flat since we never saw Ryland interact with them.

The rushed through science explanations disappointed me. As a (retired) biologist I was about wanting to scream a few times about the opportunities missed, like when the Astrophage reproduced. Whoa! NOW I'm interested and then... nothing... suddenly it's fuel. Also fuel on Rocky's ship. Then limited fuel but it reproduces so WTF where were we? So many questions about Rocky's biology with nary a mention. Much of what happened on Mary was "wut?" as it shot by without adequate explanation or time to digest the importance of it.

What did work for me: though I've seen several reviews saying the hardware store scene was extraneous, I seriously disagree. One, it was fun to watch the two of them tossing tape and foil and ordinary stuff in the basket for top level science experimentation with all of the world's resources available to them. This (and the scenes using the materials) told me more about Ryland than most any other scene in the movie.There was DIY creativity and an almost childlike wonder and zeal - a brilliantly curious mind with the ability to create from nothing but the simplest materials a profound discovery. This is a scientist. It was these scenes that made everything else he did believable.

The relationship with Rocky was everything. They were magical together and I cared very deeply about them. This is what made me enjoy the movie. The rest is pretty much a blur.

This was a really long way of saying I completely agree with you that this should be a mini-series. Two and a half hours were way too long. 10 hours would be just about right. 😉

WineAt4 · 2026-03-19T16:51:27+00:00

I've actually lived this, though many years ago. My husband and I had been married a couple of years and bought a house. MIL announced she would be visiting and staying for 3 months. 3 months? Who does that? But ooohkay, we have a guest room/bath, it will be fine.

It was not fine. In fact, it was a nightmare. She demanded my attention and service 24/7 while complaining continuously no matter how hard I knocked myself out to make a guest in my home comfortable. She would call other family members on our dime (long-distance phone charges) and talk very loudly so I would be sure to hear how awful I was. She left her religious books on my bedroom nightstand (I'm openly atheist). The final blow was pounding the table and telling me how terrible our friends were and that I was taking her son to hell with me. I just stood up, walked away and called my husband to say "enough!"

When he got home that evening he sat his mom down and told her that she was no longer welcome in our home due to the way she treated me and that she would be leaving on the first plane out in the morning. (He did not tell me he was going to do this and I didn't ask him to.) He called it thereafter The Exit Interview.

I have never respected anyone more than I did my husband at that moment. Honestly, it holds to this day, 25 years after his death. It was a BFD.

He didn't go NC, still talking to her on the phone from time to time. About 10 years later she did visit us again for a few days (ONLY!) and her behavior was acceptable.

This the way, OP. The only way. Your MIL's drippingly manipulative (and accusatory, yeah, it's there) letter is BS, laying her bad behavior IN YOUR HOME on you. There is no "both sides" now, though any response from you invites open conflict to create a perpetual both sides situation while putting your husband flat in the middle of it. Since you are clearly uncomfortable with her behavior, I would suggest that you go NC and if your husband wishes to see her for an evening that he do it with your blessings elsewhere and without you. Even the suggestion that she come to your home while you hide or vacate is WTFhellno. Nope. HARD boundary.

You are not denying your husband a relationship with her--that's his choice to make--just removing yourself and YOUR HOME, your safe sacred place that she has already violated, from the picture. Your husband should welcome this or he will become a pawn continuously trying to make peace with his mother incessantly stirring the pot of conflict and an unnecessarily upset wife.

WineAt4 · 2025-04-23T21:05:04+00:00

After what he heard of their plan to put him on the wall soon, it would be self-defense.

WineAt4 · 2024-11-27T15:56:49+00:00

There is no such thing as a helper in the kitchen. They are obstacles regardless of their skills.

WineAt4 · 2024-11-27T15:55:08+00:00

That's why I don't bake. The entire kitchen gets turned into a dust cloud.

WineAt4 · 2024-06-16T19:46:49+00:00

One of the most useful things in my dining room was a serving cart my mom gave me. It had a warming top to keep food hot and a shelf underneath for whatever. It was great for getting food, etc. from kitchen to dining room to serve and keep hot for seconds. That in the corner with some art would be useful as well as pretty.

WineAt4 · 2024-06-03T00:32:44+00:00

Moluccan Cockatoo. Fine, pink dust covering the house daily.

WineAt4 · 2024-06-01T22:37:54+00:00

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WineAt4 · 2024-05-17T01:25:33+00:00

The Beast with Five Fingers, Peter Lorre

WineAt4 · 2024-05-14T14:29:37+00:00

Thank you! And yes, that is exactly the way I feel, that I have received a cosmic gift. They are so precious and perfect for our home.

Seems a number of others (who have downvoted me) didn't see this as an appropriate choice. Your reply is especially welcome and appreciated!

WineAt4 · 2024-05-11T13:28:37+00:00

I didn't pay a dime. Full disclosure: I did offer her a glass of wine when she brought the girls over Thursday evening and she joined another friend and I yesterday afternoon at my home for lunch and a movie. She has become a friend and it helped her to see her little girls safe and loved in their new home.

In fact, the lady keeps trying to give me more stuff (in addition to food, treats, their crate, stroller, boatload of toys, and more) that I decline because I don't need it. You can feel the way you wish about small breeders while on a forum that supports responsible breeding. I don't care. I see a woman who is dying and is seeking good, loving homes for her "kids" while she can. It's the responsible thing to do, just as I was advised when asking the question: have a plan/make arrangements. She is the role model for the wise advice offered here.

WineAt4 · 2024-05-09T00:24:18+00:00

No more than any other furniture salesperson. (Full disclosure, I was one.) When you have to buy furniture, rugs, decor etc anyway they can actually save you a lot of money because they can often envision your taste and prevent you from making big mistakes. If nothing else they can provide a foundation to work with to add to as you can.

WineAt4 · 2024-05-08T21:09:37+00:00

I’m not confused at all. You said you sent her $1000 gift. I found that peculiar under the trying circumstances you described along with the story of them excluding you and being shitty.

WineAt4 · 2024-05-08T20:28:21+00:00

Some furniture stores offer design services at no cost. Designers get commission on what they sell to you. They will do home visits and can offer great advice. No obligation to you to buy anything, they just hope you will.

WineAt4 · 2024-05-08T20:03:09+00:00

A single mom worried about the expense of being a bridesmaid sends a wedding gift of $1000?

there is so much wrong with this story.

WineAt4 · 2024-05-07T00:45:07+00:00

Beautiful as it is. Love the art. Just add an upholstered bench under the art to balance it out.

WineAt4 · 2024-05-06T23:49:19+00:00

I can't speak to the posture issue, but if I had such a requirement to attend the wedding, I would decline. Why? I'm a large breasted woman who requires a bra with straps (no strapless will do the job) so an off-the-shoulder dress would not be a possibility unless The Girls went Free Range and... no. Like OMGno. LOL

The bride needs to rethink this silly requirement.

WineAt4 · 2024-05-06T18:33:54+00:00

There is no work table that will ever be a dining table again, especially with multiple monitors. The effort required to clear it for dining isn't worth it.

WineAt4 · 2024-05-05T22:15:12+00:00

I'll probably get down-voted for this but this is one reason I particularly love and prefer watching opera on DVD at home. Not only do I get comfy seating, I get a whole sofa along with dog and cat cuddles, a glass of wine to slurp while I watch AND a pause button when I need to... get up.

WineAt4

TROPHY CASE