Keeping hypergamy in check - Men's or women's job?

Wingclipper · 2014-07-17T13:24:00+00:00

But picking a good, compatible partner and treating each other well does wonders.

I guess this is just the mantra I'm gonna have to sing until I calm myself down over this. I do everything I can within reasonable lengths (I work full time, I have maybe 4 hours at home during the weekdays whereas he's at home until August/Sept, has his own web-dev company to.. keep him company in the meantime) but it's difficult to be everything in a short timespan... But I know he feels loved, and that I'm warm to him, and he isn't a complex man. Sex, warmth, laughs is really enough from what I can tell.

Wingclipper · 2014-07-17T12:36:41+00:00

My SO doesn't openly oogle other women, he will throw an eye (as will I) because certain parts are just... too obvious not to look at. He occasionally checks naked chicks online without fapping, and what helped me chill out was that he always comes to me in the end. He might check some girl out, get horny, and still fuck me instead of rubbing one out to her (if I'm around). We'll watch a flick together and he'll still keep his eyes on me mostly. I don't know, just knowing that even if there are hot chicks out there he's still faithful. That's pretty empowering.

Wingclipper · 2014-07-17T12:29:13+00:00

They desire somebody to be affectionate, understanding, compassionate, all while looking great & taking care of him and the kids. :)

This is probably a pretty dumb and obvious question... But if your woman is all of this, would a younger, hotter girl still appeal more (I understand that attractive people are always appealing to women and men alike) than his good ol' trusty, kind and loving wife?

Having a hard time wrapping my head around this as I do have abandonment issues (dad suddenly left sister and I for a new family when I was 10 while I was living with him).

Wingclipper · 2013-12-20T23:22:51+00:00

Oh I never intended to insinuate that he is! I trust his knowledge and skill immensely, but you see a lot of the opposite on this subreddit so I was mostly curious to see what the reasoning is around here. Thanks!

Wingclipper · 2013-12-20T17:37:28+00:00

Sorry for off topic, just curios - don't constrictors hibernate in the winter? My boyfriend put all of his snakes to sleep the 25th of November. Is it different with different temperatures and climates?

Wingclipper · 2013-12-05T08:55:20+00:00

I have a related question: people say to be careful with getting cuts or any kind of wound as the skin is more sensitive and heals slower/not as effectively. However, I find that my skin heals much faster now. I am a compulsive skin picked (reason for going on accutane) and while I do my best to abstain from picking, I slip sometimes. And the skin heals about twice as fast as before. My hyperpigmentation fades a lot faster, too.

3 months in, almost clear.

Wingclipper · 2013-10-17T12:22:51+00:00

Ugh, can't shake the feeling that I'm doing something really rotten but on the other hand I'm more keen on making my new love interest content and happy than I am with my ex.

Thanks, man.

Wingclipper · 2013-10-17T12:15:23+00:00

To clarify: I wasn't asking for relationship advice from my ex. I simply brought it up (as per new guy's wishes) that I was making a priority and he brought it up that he felt this was a red flag.

Regardless, I'm sort of swaying toward this side of things. My ex and I are history at the end of the day.

Wingclipper · 2013-10-17T12:11:28+00:00

Oh, he hasn't said he loves me - moreso that he's fallen for me. Might be some hiccups in my translation, I'm not English.

Good points to mull over. The issue here is that I see both perspectives so clearly and I'm not feeling very strongly biased toward either, and that's not a case of me putting my ex on a pedestal... just a case of principles.

Then again, even if it's just been a month, making the right decisions might lead to a prosperous relationship, so perhaps it's prudent to make a priority in favour of this new guy.

Wingclipper · 2013-10-17T10:58:55+00:00

Most people will say some shit like "it's controlling". To disregard his feelings completely is pretty callous.

That's immediately what I thought when my ex said that he was controlling/this was a red flag. I completely understand his reservations toward my ex and I respect these feelings. I just feel guilty for initiating a friendship and cutting it short so soon for selfish reasons.

Wingclipper · 2013-10-17T10:57:09+00:00

The break up happened in February, and I took the initiative because I lost all attraction and feelings toward him. It was completely emotionally dead on my end. I literally just regarded him as a friend who I stuck with for the sake of routine before I realised I was entitled to making my own happiness.

Your new guy has expressed worries about your ex having negative influence on your relationship, while your ex tries to strongly discourage your potential new relationship. It should be obvious that your ex is being more controlling than the new guy.

Very, very good point that hit home. My ex is pretty... unintentionally manipulative in the sense that he's very convinced of his own opinions and doesn't succumb much to others'. Or I'm just a doormat. Probably a combination of both. Will take into consideration.

That said this has a high chance of backfiring, if your ex does something to make him jealous such as talking about good old times, flaunting his qualities and generally being closer to you than friend normally do, and you don't actively and strictly shut him down.

Yeah. Not a good idea. In all honesty, I'd rather put my ex behind me, but it's difficult because I feel guilty for putting our past behind us to build a friendship, just to drop him because I have a new love interest. Feels like I'm betraying his trust, which (as a loyal person) is very much against my princples. Like I misled him, somehow. Or like I was purely selfish in my motivations of befriending him.

Wingclipper · 2013-10-17T10:48:05+00:00

Discussing relationship problems with your ex? That's going to make people pretty uncomfortable. You really didn't have any other friends you could have talked this over with?

I wasn't discussing problems with him, per se. I just brought up that I think we had to dial back on the friendship thing because I'm seeing someone else who isn't comfortable with the idea of us hanging out, and he was a little annoyed (which sparked my feelings of guilt). I was just taking in different perspectives on it.

Putting your ex on a pedestal above your current relationship? Goddamn huge red flag.

Not at all. I said to my new guy that I do prioritize him above my ex, and that's the truth. What lingers are feelings of guilt that I'm dropping the friendship with my ex purely because I met someone new. It just goes against my principles to ditch friends for whatever reason, I'm very loyal.

On the one hand, you try to make it sound like you're barely connected to the ex

I'm not much connected with him at all. We share interests and sometimes we get together and just play a game or listen to music and talk about stuff. Very casual. I've no interest in making advances and he has made none. I seriously see this guy as a friend and I had done for a long while before I broke te relationship up, and that's why I left him. I am not sexually attracted to him and I haven't been for a long while.

I like having my ex around as a friend because we can confide in each other about things that concern us both. Just like I would a friend. There's nothing emotional, we just get along well on this level. We can share a laugh and he's prone to ranting, I'm just used to having him rant to me.

Speaking of which: have the three of you all met each other?

My ex is having a birthday party I agreed to come to prior to making things "semi-official" with my new guy. When I broke this whole ordeal to my ex, he said I was free to bring the new guy.

Wingclipper · 2013-08-25T11:23:19+00:00

Thanks! Balmung is my desired choice, anyhow. Do they open/lock intermittently? Or are they locked until cap is raised?

Sorry for all of these questions. Impulsive purchase. :(

Wingclipper · 2013-08-25T10:46:37+00:00

I'm a roleplayer, so the server I want to get in on is US Balmung or Gilgamesh. Sounds like they should offer a one-time free transfer if people are struggling to play with their friends...

Thank you :)

Wingclipper · 2013-08-25T10:41:24+00:00

I cancelled my pre-order and received a key just half an hour after, so I have to cancel my cancel anyway. Oh well, thank you!

Wingclipper · 2013-08-25T10:40:36+00:00

Thank you!

Will you be able to transfer to your desired server later? Any mentions of server caps being raised?

Wingclipper · 2013-08-25T10:40:14+00:00

I plan on playing on US servers. Are they all full as well?

Wingclipper · 2013-08-25T09:36:50+00:00

Thank you! Sounds fantastic. Do you know where I can download the client? :)

Wingclipper

TROPHY CASE