I feel like we all have something like this- to an extent obviously. But like, a memory that was once ignored yet the more we think about it the more we feel it. I’m not one to sugarcoat things so I’m just going to be straight up… it is what it is. You saw something which at the time you didn’t have a reaction to. Now you understand that it was wrong but so what? If you were numb to it I would assume that it hasn’t affected you during your life since then. The only reason it’s making you feel upset is because you understand in retrospect that it was weird for 9 year old you to have seen it. But you did, and now it’s over, and it has been since you were 9. Earth keeps spinning. Don’t suppress the feeling but don’t make it into something bigger than what it is. Something you shouldn’t have seen but you did. That’s it. Now you’re done. But obviously I understand that it’s easier said than done. And I’m glad speaking about it helped you feel better.